Friday 23rd July 2004
Having practiced Ashtanga 4 days a week without a teacher for the last couple of months, I’ve gained enormous insight into the practice and into myself. I’ve enjoyed listening to my inner guide and developing a trust in what comes forth. It’s different when you don’t rely on a teacher, when you don’t practice in a class – there’s less distraction.
Despite the above, I had an impulse to go to David’s Friday led primary class this morning instead of Darren’s led Iyengar class.
David welcomed me back in his minimal manner; Simi gave me a big hug sying how much she missed me – she’s a true gem. Now that David has taken over teaching the early morning classes, Simi does her practice alongside the students, David treating his partner in life like any other student, adjusting and correcting her, despite her expertise. Such humility and devotion in a teacher is refreshing to see.
The class itself was a little disappointing but that makes me wonder what I was expecting. Knowing how strict David purportedly adheres to the SPKJ Ashtanga system, I thought there would be a strong flow to it but he counted quite slowly so the practice really dragged for me. At least now I’m clear that I won’t get much from the led class, so I can continue going to Darren’s Iyengar class knowing what I’m not missing.
But having said that, I’m considering doing an occasional Mysore class with David, maybe once a fortnight, even though I’ve heard that he won’t let anyone practice past primary. I really miss the strong adjustments despite questioning some of his instructions. For example in Matsyasana this morning he adjusted me to roll my shoulders forward to spread open my shoulder blades. He then squatted over me and moved me so deeply into the thoracic backbend that my head was off the floor. He held me there through the transition into Uttana Padasana, but was holding my weight so far forward that I couldn’t lift my legs up. I had to hold onto his arms to retain the back arch and lift my legs.
The slow holdings in all the poses meant we had to cut all the finishing poses down to half time EXCEPT Uth Pluthi damn it – David counted up to 50!. I descended three times, somewhere around count 20, 35 and 42 for a breath or two. By count 50 I was still up there but my body was shaking, and I noticed only 3 out of the 12 people actually persisted. The others gave up and just watched, shaking their heads in amused disbelief!
It’s really nice to see Simi practicing with everyone else. The one peek I took at her doing Primary this morning was between Prasaritta Padottanasana C and D. Inhaling, she came up from Prasaritta C, hands on hips and exhaled at the centre pause...then inhaling to prepare for Prasaritta D, not only did she lift her heart up and look up, she did this incredible curvy backbend, dropping her head right back and looking BEHIND her (at me I think), before moving into the forward bend. She's so graceful, a loose, flexible dancer, with long, soft, bendy, flowing female movements, nothing mechanical about Simi…she’s just gorgeously and unashamedly feline.
__________________________________________________________________________
Thursday 22nd July 2004
Three consecutive days with a consistently strong and focused Ashtanga practice. Either I’m having an unusually good week (despite practicing through my period) or some change has occurred that I haven’t had time to identify and acknowledge into consciousness. Practising strongly for three consecutive days has always left me a little ragged by Day 3 (Thursday). But this week is different…I can hardly believe how vibrantly alive I feel.
Looking back over the week my daily schedule and workload have been manic and they've demanded all hidden reserves of my time and energy. But some kind of superhuman inner strength has been powering me this week; not only have I been coping with the manic activity, the crises and demands, but flying with them– feeling energized, radiant, focused and extremely alive, perfectly balanced with a genuine equanimity and stillness amid the storms. If only I could bottle this concoction and sell it I’d make a million.
Practice in the Gallery this week (Tues/Wed/Thurs):
- Kept it simple just doing a good, strong primary practice each day without the inversions on period days, and only adding Pasasana on Tuesday
- Three days in a row, binding deeply in Marichyasana D and surprising myself each time.
- Binding hands now in Parivritta Parsvakonasana, but the deeper twist puts me a little off balance so I have to work on grounding my feet and legs and opening more from the hip to get the upper torso twist from a deeper, more stable lunge.
- Consistently challenging my backbending limits by walking hands in close to feet in Urdhva Dhanurasana.
I’ve noticed in Savasana lately a delicious tingling of my tongue. It seems to be an accumulation of ch’i (prana) in the tongue at the end of the practice but I have no idea why this is happening. Perhaps by drawing the ch’i/prana up from the perimeum (muladhara chakra) the vital energy is collecting in my tongue. Weird.
Rolling up to Urdhva Paschimottanasana still eludes me despite a few new pointers I’ve been given (thanks Erik and Amanda). I look forward to the day when this one starts to make sense – it’s a mess right now. I lay with legs overhead, mentally preparing to roll up, then launch up into the unknown as my brain scrambles, pulling up about halfway and then falling back, usually 3-4 times, losing all mind/body synchronicity. My brain just doesn’t know what to instruct my body, so my body just stumbles around in the dark. It makes me laugh every time.
_________________________________________________________________________
Having practiced Ashtanga 4 days a week without a teacher for the last couple of months, I’ve gained enormous insight into the practice and into myself. I’ve enjoyed listening to my inner guide and developing a trust in what comes forth. It’s different when you don’t rely on a teacher, when you don’t practice in a class – there’s less distraction.
Despite the above, I had an impulse to go to David’s Friday led primary class this morning instead of Darren’s led Iyengar class.
David welcomed me back in his minimal manner; Simi gave me a big hug sying how much she missed me – she’s a true gem. Now that David has taken over teaching the early morning classes, Simi does her practice alongside the students, David treating his partner in life like any other student, adjusting and correcting her, despite her expertise. Such humility and devotion in a teacher is refreshing to see.
The class itself was a little disappointing but that makes me wonder what I was expecting. Knowing how strict David purportedly adheres to the SPKJ Ashtanga system, I thought there would be a strong flow to it but he counted quite slowly so the practice really dragged for me. At least now I’m clear that I won’t get much from the led class, so I can continue going to Darren’s Iyengar class knowing what I’m not missing.
But having said that, I’m considering doing an occasional Mysore class with David, maybe once a fortnight, even though I’ve heard that he won’t let anyone practice past primary. I really miss the strong adjustments despite questioning some of his instructions. For example in Matsyasana this morning he adjusted me to roll my shoulders forward to spread open my shoulder blades. He then squatted over me and moved me so deeply into the thoracic backbend that my head was off the floor. He held me there through the transition into Uttana Padasana, but was holding my weight so far forward that I couldn’t lift my legs up. I had to hold onto his arms to retain the back arch and lift my legs.
The slow holdings in all the poses meant we had to cut all the finishing poses down to half time EXCEPT Uth Pluthi damn it – David counted up to 50!. I descended three times, somewhere around count 20, 35 and 42 for a breath or two. By count 50 I was still up there but my body was shaking, and I noticed only 3 out of the 12 people actually persisted. The others gave up and just watched, shaking their heads in amused disbelief!
It’s really nice to see Simi practicing with everyone else. The one peek I took at her doing Primary this morning was between Prasaritta Padottanasana C and D. Inhaling, she came up from Prasaritta C, hands on hips and exhaled at the centre pause...then inhaling to prepare for Prasaritta D, not only did she lift her heart up and look up, she did this incredible curvy backbend, dropping her head right back and looking BEHIND her (at me I think), before moving into the forward bend. She's so graceful, a loose, flexible dancer, with long, soft, bendy, flowing female movements, nothing mechanical about Simi…she’s just gorgeously and unashamedly feline.
__________________________________________________________________________
Thursday 22nd July 2004
Three consecutive days with a consistently strong and focused Ashtanga practice. Either I’m having an unusually good week (despite practicing through my period) or some change has occurred that I haven’t had time to identify and acknowledge into consciousness. Practising strongly for three consecutive days has always left me a little ragged by Day 3 (Thursday). But this week is different…I can hardly believe how vibrantly alive I feel.
Looking back over the week my daily schedule and workload have been manic and they've demanded all hidden reserves of my time and energy. But some kind of superhuman inner strength has been powering me this week; not only have I been coping with the manic activity, the crises and demands, but flying with them– feeling energized, radiant, focused and extremely alive, perfectly balanced with a genuine equanimity and stillness amid the storms. If only I could bottle this concoction and sell it I’d make a million.
Practice in the Gallery this week (Tues/Wed/Thurs):
- Kept it simple just doing a good, strong primary practice each day without the inversions on period days, and only adding Pasasana on Tuesday
- Three days in a row, binding deeply in Marichyasana D and surprising myself each time.
- Binding hands now in Parivritta Parsvakonasana, but the deeper twist puts me a little off balance so I have to work on grounding my feet and legs and opening more from the hip to get the upper torso twist from a deeper, more stable lunge.
- Consistently challenging my backbending limits by walking hands in close to feet in Urdhva Dhanurasana.
I’ve noticed in Savasana lately a delicious tingling of my tongue. It seems to be an accumulation of ch’i (prana) in the tongue at the end of the practice but I have no idea why this is happening. Perhaps by drawing the ch’i/prana up from the perimeum (muladhara chakra) the vital energy is collecting in my tongue. Weird.
Rolling up to Urdhva Paschimottanasana still eludes me despite a few new pointers I’ve been given (thanks Erik and Amanda). I look forward to the day when this one starts to make sense – it’s a mess right now. I lay with legs overhead, mentally preparing to roll up, then launch up into the unknown as my brain scrambles, pulling up about halfway and then falling back, usually 3-4 times, losing all mind/body synchronicity. My brain just doesn’t know what to instruct my body, so my body just stumbles around in the dark. It makes me laugh every time.
_________________________________________________________________________
Tuesday 13th July 2004
A lame practice by Ashtanga standards today. I know I keep saying this but I’m continually amazed at how the practice reveals the truth of what’s really going on beneath the surface of our lives. Again I started this morning’s practice full of vitality, positive, happy, energetic, even hoping to add Supta Vajrasana on to my practice from today after being pushed past my backbending limits in Darren’s class last Friday.
But as I moved through the Surja Namaskars, I was aware of the difficulty I was having staying focused on the bandhas. With each return to the Dog Pose pause, I am given a fresh opportunity to re-engage and work the three bandhas if I’ve lost them. But that focus was elusive - it was just a struggle today – there was a fogginess clouding my mind that I couldn’t break through.
Pose by pose as I proceeded, my energy was draining away; the vinyasas got progressively slower and I felt on the precipice of sinking into sleep while holding each pose.
I gave up after Marichyasana C – no use flogging a dead horse. Just held a couple of long, quiet Urdhva Dhanurasanas and moved to the finishing inversion sequence.
After that I sat in meditation for about 20 minutes – 20 minutes of treading water.
But despite this lame practice, I quite enjoyed myself. There was a complete acceptance of what was (or wasn’t) happening. Approaching each new Ashtanga practice with openness and curiosity is such a different mindset – what will I find today? And whatever is found becomes wonderful because it illuminates your true self – no judgement, not wanting it to be different; not needing a super performance practice; NO EGO. Just exploring the everchanging inner landscape like a traveller in a foreign land.
I did notice this morning lots of little creaky openings. It’s like my body contains millions of hairline cracks that need to be pried open. Today the cracks were mostly closed up and small movements disturbed their comfortable closure. Other days the cracks resemble the gaping ones in the corner of my bedroom wall. With a little prod, they’ll open up easily to let the breezes blow through.
Poor Renate started her practice this morning with a rasping thick cough which has been bothering her for a few days. She almost didn’t come this morning. She coughed almost non stop through the Surja Namaskars but then it stopped. The heat and movement dislodged it. I think she was amazed at the sudden change.
So now I’m contemplating the cause of a lame practice. Maybe it’s because Tuesday’s the first practice after 3 days off – I might check back over my blog notes (all the ones I don’t get time to post) to see if there is a pattern, if Tuesday is always like this.
If I don’t take the time to reflect on the information the practice presents to me, the opportunity is lost – the work done for nothing – it becomes a physical workout instead of a spiritual practice. To be a spiritual practice it must be done with the intention of uncovering the true divine self.
Analyzing and delving deeply will uncover some surprises – things that are brushed off, swept beneath our consciousness in denial, bad habits we continue to indulge etc. They need to be identified, then action taken to resolve or change them – the process of progressively purifying the body and mind – a commitment to self study and continual improvement – a steadfast focus on the only true goal of this existence – reunion with the source and living from this enlightened understanding.
___________________________________________________________________________
A lame practice by Ashtanga standards today. I know I keep saying this but I’m continually amazed at how the practice reveals the truth of what’s really going on beneath the surface of our lives. Again I started this morning’s practice full of vitality, positive, happy, energetic, even hoping to add Supta Vajrasana on to my practice from today after being pushed past my backbending limits in Darren’s class last Friday.
But as I moved through the Surja Namaskars, I was aware of the difficulty I was having staying focused on the bandhas. With each return to the Dog Pose pause, I am given a fresh opportunity to re-engage and work the three bandhas if I’ve lost them. But that focus was elusive - it was just a struggle today – there was a fogginess clouding my mind that I couldn’t break through.
Pose by pose as I proceeded, my energy was draining away; the vinyasas got progressively slower and I felt on the precipice of sinking into sleep while holding each pose.
I gave up after Marichyasana C – no use flogging a dead horse. Just held a couple of long, quiet Urdhva Dhanurasanas and moved to the finishing inversion sequence.
After that I sat in meditation for about 20 minutes – 20 minutes of treading water.
But despite this lame practice, I quite enjoyed myself. There was a complete acceptance of what was (or wasn’t) happening. Approaching each new Ashtanga practice with openness and curiosity is such a different mindset – what will I find today? And whatever is found becomes wonderful because it illuminates your true self – no judgement, not wanting it to be different; not needing a super performance practice; NO EGO. Just exploring the everchanging inner landscape like a traveller in a foreign land.
I did notice this morning lots of little creaky openings. It’s like my body contains millions of hairline cracks that need to be pried open. Today the cracks were mostly closed up and small movements disturbed their comfortable closure. Other days the cracks resemble the gaping ones in the corner of my bedroom wall. With a little prod, they’ll open up easily to let the breezes blow through.
Poor Renate started her practice this morning with a rasping thick cough which has been bothering her for a few days. She almost didn’t come this morning. She coughed almost non stop through the Surja Namaskars but then it stopped. The heat and movement dislodged it. I think she was amazed at the sudden change.
So now I’m contemplating the cause of a lame practice. Maybe it’s because Tuesday’s the first practice after 3 days off – I might check back over my blog notes (all the ones I don’t get time to post) to see if there is a pattern, if Tuesday is always like this.
If I don’t take the time to reflect on the information the practice presents to me, the opportunity is lost – the work done for nothing – it becomes a physical workout instead of a spiritual practice. To be a spiritual practice it must be done with the intention of uncovering the true divine self.
Analyzing and delving deeply will uncover some surprises – things that are brushed off, swept beneath our consciousness in denial, bad habits we continue to indulge etc. They need to be identified, then action taken to resolve or change them – the process of progressively purifying the body and mind – a commitment to self study and continual improvement – a steadfast focus on the only true goal of this existence – reunion with the source and living from this enlightened understanding.
___________________________________________________________________________
Friday 9th July 2004
Still shaking from Darren’s backbending session this morning – the price I pay for drinking 3 coffees yesterday.
I was beginning to wonder if Darren was going through a stale patch because his Friday morning led classes were becoming a bit predictable, following the same kind of sequence each week. But today had a couple of surprises.
After a very brief stretch in Uttanasana and Dog Pose (no sun salutes today even though we’re headed into mid winter here), we went straight to the wall for Handstands and Forearm Balances (Pincha Mayurasana), first to the wall then free balancing. Pincha Mayurasana drilled into the very heart of my problematic shoulder joint and it felt great.
Then standing poses: Darren included Utthita Padangusthasana facing the wall with the raised foot supported on the wall, then the Parivritta version where you start from the same position facing the wall, the raised foot to the wall, opposite hand holding the outside of the raised foot, then twist the upper body away from the standing leg, raising the back arm to shoulder height towards the centre of the room. It’s a lovely pose which I’ve only ever done in workshops with Glenn Ceresoli (it’s definitely not in Light on Yoga). Darren’s only instruction here was to pull the inner knee back of the standing leg. I love this pose and know it well even though I rarely do it – you need a strong push down through the big toe joint, drop the raised hip down, but lift the spine up out of the pelvis to work the rotation. We repeated the pose balanced in the centre of the room. Although I nailed the balance perfectly, the rest of my standing poses were a little shaky, especially Ardha Chandrasana. Caffeine overdose – bad girl – won’t do it again.
After the standing poses, Supta Virasana on a 3 fold blanket. A year ago I could easily lay my back flat on the floor in this one, but the tightness through my hips means I have to work into it more slowly now, but that just makes the process more juicy and interesting.
Then the usual Iyengar mid-class Headstand with Eka Pada variations.
On to Viparitta Dandasana draped over the chair then Kapotasana over the chair, both of them with a small rolled up blanket laid across the chair under the hips for added groin/hip opening (added agony). A few lifty, curvy Ustrasanas and a Kapotasana preparation where we face away from the wall on our shins, lift arms up and reach back to walk the fingertips down the wall onto blocks and back up a few times. Then of course the ultimate finale trying to walk the hands down the wall, past the blocks and taking the elbows to the floor; I got close and was able to tease out the edge of my physical and emotional limitations – serious button pushing. I haven’t worked like that for a long time.
Then up to Pincha Mayurasana, bending the knees and curling into Vrschikasana bringing the feet to rest on top of a chair (back of the chair against the wall) then trying to walk the feet down to the chair seat, deep, deep curl, lifting head up and trying to extend upward to minimize the burden on my shoulders.
Back to the centre of the room, we lined up for 4 handstand dropovers each (Viparita Chakorasana), Darren supporting each of us in turn. I started to get a feel for the curl over point of balance instead of just jumping up and over like a heavy whirly wheel. This one and Vrchikasana I really want to work on more.
We attempted to soothe the raging adrenals in Uttanasana and Dog Pose, then finished with the familiar 7 minute Ardha Halasana supported on a chair which is just perfect after a deep backbending session. After practicing like this, I feel really inspired and hungry for more. Go further, go deeper.
First coffee of the day is just finished, I feel great, it’s 8.30am and off to work I go. Yay – it’s Friday.
_________________________________________________________________________
Still shaking from Darren’s backbending session this morning – the price I pay for drinking 3 coffees yesterday.
I was beginning to wonder if Darren was going through a stale patch because his Friday morning led classes were becoming a bit predictable, following the same kind of sequence each week. But today had a couple of surprises.
After a very brief stretch in Uttanasana and Dog Pose (no sun salutes today even though we’re headed into mid winter here), we went straight to the wall for Handstands and Forearm Balances (Pincha Mayurasana), first to the wall then free balancing. Pincha Mayurasana drilled into the very heart of my problematic shoulder joint and it felt great.
Then standing poses: Darren included Utthita Padangusthasana facing the wall with the raised foot supported on the wall, then the Parivritta version where you start from the same position facing the wall, the raised foot to the wall, opposite hand holding the outside of the raised foot, then twist the upper body away from the standing leg, raising the back arm to shoulder height towards the centre of the room. It’s a lovely pose which I’ve only ever done in workshops with Glenn Ceresoli (it’s definitely not in Light on Yoga). Darren’s only instruction here was to pull the inner knee back of the standing leg. I love this pose and know it well even though I rarely do it – you need a strong push down through the big toe joint, drop the raised hip down, but lift the spine up out of the pelvis to work the rotation. We repeated the pose balanced in the centre of the room. Although I nailed the balance perfectly, the rest of my standing poses were a little shaky, especially Ardha Chandrasana. Caffeine overdose – bad girl – won’t do it again.
After the standing poses, Supta Virasana on a 3 fold blanket. A year ago I could easily lay my back flat on the floor in this one, but the tightness through my hips means I have to work into it more slowly now, but that just makes the process more juicy and interesting.
Then the usual Iyengar mid-class Headstand with Eka Pada variations.
On to Viparitta Dandasana draped over the chair then Kapotasana over the chair, both of them with a small rolled up blanket laid across the chair under the hips for added groin/hip opening (added agony). A few lifty, curvy Ustrasanas and a Kapotasana preparation where we face away from the wall on our shins, lift arms up and reach back to walk the fingertips down the wall onto blocks and back up a few times. Then of course the ultimate finale trying to walk the hands down the wall, past the blocks and taking the elbows to the floor; I got close and was able to tease out the edge of my physical and emotional limitations – serious button pushing. I haven’t worked like that for a long time.
Then up to Pincha Mayurasana, bending the knees and curling into Vrschikasana bringing the feet to rest on top of a chair (back of the chair against the wall) then trying to walk the feet down to the chair seat, deep, deep curl, lifting head up and trying to extend upward to minimize the burden on my shoulders.
Back to the centre of the room, we lined up for 4 handstand dropovers each (Viparita Chakorasana), Darren supporting each of us in turn. I started to get a feel for the curl over point of balance instead of just jumping up and over like a heavy whirly wheel. This one and Vrchikasana I really want to work on more.
We attempted to soothe the raging adrenals in Uttanasana and Dog Pose, then finished with the familiar 7 minute Ardha Halasana supported on a chair which is just perfect after a deep backbending session. After practicing like this, I feel really inspired and hungry for more. Go further, go deeper.
First coffee of the day is just finished, I feel great, it’s 8.30am and off to work I go. Yay – it’s Friday.
_________________________________________________________________________
Wednesday 7th July 2004
A better practice today. Bandha focus is increasing daily. It’s such an “ah ha” feeling when I get it, because I feel it instantly straightens and aligns the pose. I don’t need to think about my alignment – the pose sort of corrects itself from the inside out.
Practice notes from today:
- I’m trying to go the next step in Parivritta Parsvakonasana and wrap my arms around my supporting leg like this, but I haven’t quite got a grasp of it yet.
- Bound both sides in Marichyasana D and Pasasana.
- Worked Kurmasana strongly but felt the achey after effects of it in my lower back for quite a while after practice. I remember feeling it most when my lower back was curled over in Pindasana.
- Got a real nice curve happening in Parsva Dhanurasana instead of my usual half-hearted roll over and have a rest here and hope it looks round enough. Today I actually worked in it and pressed the pose open as if I was curving around a beach ball.
- Only did 2 dropbacks before bailing out.
I finally bought a squirt bottle yesterday for Garbha Pindasana but forgot to bring it to practice. I don’t think Angie and Kosta can get into full Padmasana at the moment because of their knee problems so I may be alone with this one. I’ve been lazy in this pose since I stopped going to Mysore practices at the shala – just wrapping my arms around the outside of my legs instead of threading them through and putting hands to chin. A bit slack really and I know it. I really need to start doing the entire practice with more juice, like I used to at the shala, as if the teacher is present, as if I’m really serious about it.
What’s the secret to rolling up from this position into Urdhva Mukha Paschimottanasana?
I roll up so easily to a perfect balance in Ubhaya Padangusthasana (straight legs all the way and holding the big toes).
How much harder can it be to do the same action holding the outer edges of the feet????
Such a small change in hand position, huge change in difficulty. I usually give it 3 or 4 tries before giving up, sitting up and assuming the final pose with that little feeling of defeat. I’ve been trying for over a year now and it’s not any closer…what an interesting puzzle to solve!
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Tuesday 6th July 2004
Just a plain primary practice today – no dropbacks, no second series poses. I felt a little lethargic and inflexible, no doubt due in some part to the decadent cake I made and have been eating over the last few days. An increase in sugar consumption really affects the quality of my practice, not only my physical state, but my mental and emotional state as well because they’re all connected and an impact on one aspect affects the entire matrix.
Despite this, I can see a gradual increase in my focus on the bandhas.
It’s like progressing in meditation: when your mind wanders, you bring it back, over and over and over. You forget, then you remember. Progress is remembering more often and retaining the focus longer before wandering off again. When I remember to shift my focus from the alignment of the pose to the internal dynamic of the bandhas, my body and my practice immediately lighten and the alignment just comes. This tentative exploration into generating and moving internal energy is a journey into wonderland.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
A better practice today. Bandha focus is increasing daily. It’s such an “ah ha” feeling when I get it, because I feel it instantly straightens and aligns the pose. I don’t need to think about my alignment – the pose sort of corrects itself from the inside out.
Practice notes from today:
- I’m trying to go the next step in Parivritta Parsvakonasana and wrap my arms around my supporting leg like this, but I haven’t quite got a grasp of it yet.
- Bound both sides in Marichyasana D and Pasasana.
- Worked Kurmasana strongly but felt the achey after effects of it in my lower back for quite a while after practice. I remember feeling it most when my lower back was curled over in Pindasana.
- Got a real nice curve happening in Parsva Dhanurasana instead of my usual half-hearted roll over and have a rest here and hope it looks round enough. Today I actually worked in it and pressed the pose open as if I was curving around a beach ball.
- Only did 2 dropbacks before bailing out.
I finally bought a squirt bottle yesterday for Garbha Pindasana but forgot to bring it to practice. I don’t think Angie and Kosta can get into full Padmasana at the moment because of their knee problems so I may be alone with this one. I’ve been lazy in this pose since I stopped going to Mysore practices at the shala – just wrapping my arms around the outside of my legs instead of threading them through and putting hands to chin. A bit slack really and I know it. I really need to start doing the entire practice with more juice, like I used to at the shala, as if the teacher is present, as if I’m really serious about it.
What’s the secret to rolling up from this position into Urdhva Mukha Paschimottanasana?
I roll up so easily to a perfect balance in Ubhaya Padangusthasana (straight legs all the way and holding the big toes).
How much harder can it be to do the same action holding the outer edges of the feet????
Such a small change in hand position, huge change in difficulty. I usually give it 3 or 4 tries before giving up, sitting up and assuming the final pose with that little feeling of defeat. I’ve been trying for over a year now and it’s not any closer…what an interesting puzzle to solve!
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Tuesday 6th July 2004
Just a plain primary practice today – no dropbacks, no second series poses. I felt a little lethargic and inflexible, no doubt due in some part to the decadent cake I made and have been eating over the last few days. An increase in sugar consumption really affects the quality of my practice, not only my physical state, but my mental and emotional state as well because they’re all connected and an impact on one aspect affects the entire matrix.
Despite this, I can see a gradual increase in my focus on the bandhas.
It’s like progressing in meditation: when your mind wanders, you bring it back, over and over and over. You forget, then you remember. Progress is remembering more often and retaining the focus longer before wandering off again. When I remember to shift my focus from the alignment of the pose to the internal dynamic of the bandhas, my body and my practice immediately lighten and the alignment just comes. This tentative exploration into generating and moving internal energy is a journey into wonderland.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Wednesday 1st July 2004
Savasana Reflections
The end of practice comes around…time to lay out to rest, to integrate all the changes, to passively absorb the gifts of the practice by osmosis.
Savasana is the piece de resistance, a luscious dessert after a fine meal, the icing on the cake, a slow intravenous drip of nectar.
But the surrender required to experience this bliss doesn’t come easily. Some days it’s just downright impossible as my mind can often be racy if the practice has stimulated openings, brought up emotions and dislodged comfy habits.
Some days I need to use all my will power and conscious effort to relax – what a paradox. Peace is our natural state, and look what we go through trying to even remember that, let alone cultivating and dwelling in it. It’s elusive. I often remind my students that Savasana is the most difficult pose of all and needs full awareness like other poses.
At the end of a typical Iyengar class, we are usually guided into Savasana with auto suggestions, keeping us engaged in the process of consciously relaxing body and mind. I’ve noticed that at the end of led Ashtanga classes, we are just told to “take rest” – no guidance, just take rest (in John Scott’s book it barely rates a mention). “Take rest” reminds me so much of Vipassana retreats and Mr Goenka’s instruction at the end of each day of meditation. After 10-11 hours of sitting, you’re in a weird state of exhaustion, almost unable to sit up, head heavy, body aching, and those two final words are almost the catalyst for tears!
I’ve had some very rich and luminous Savasanas. It’s a timeless, deathless state. The weight of daily commitments, stresses, tensions, burdens, contractions is lifted. The total release of tension results in expansion. Stuck and held energy is dissolved. I lay there, free, having passed through death, resting in peace, liberated, no personality, pure energy, reconnected to the divine source. My natural state.
This kind of Savasana is rare. Days like today, my mind races all over the place and when the others begin to stir from their slumber and I realize my Savasana time is up, I sit up and kick myself for wasting the most precious opportunity of the day.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Tuesday 29th June
Now that my shoulder’s feeling less traumatized, the rest of my body is starting to respond to the practice again. Joy, joy, joy.
Within each pose this morning I felt little physical openings that squealed with delight; muscles, joints, ligaments and organs, waking up and stretching after a deep comatose winter. I so enjoyed the entire practice today. I made love with every pose.
Does this reflect my state of mind? Of course.
Something’s shifting.
Uranus Conjunct Ascendant
Ive been struggling under the influence of Uranus conjunct my Ascendant for the last month or so: wanting to break free of all commitments, to give up teaching, break off my relationship; a simmering state of rebellion. It was pure luck that I discovered this transit as I haven’t consulted an ephemeris for years. Happened to look upon one last week because my daughter just had a baby girl (my first grandchild) and I got curious. Uranus conjunct Ascendant is a very powerful and disruptive energy so I feel comforted that I can blame my quiet implosion on the stars. It makes much more sense now, but more importantly, I can view the feelings objectively and assess how to use the energy to my advantage.
Enjoyed the deep twists of Paravritta Trikonasana, Parivritta Parsvakonasana and the Marichyasanas this morning so it wasn’t surprising when I bound on both sides in Marichy D AND Pasasana – it sounds so trivial but binding in Pasasana just makes my day. Continued the practice up to Ustrasana then did 4 Urdhva Dhanurasanas and 4 slow, bendy dropbacks.
Pindasana
In Pindasana I found myself rolling side to side on the back of my neck so I squeeeeeeezed my Padmasana legs in tightly and found a delicate point of balance on the very top of my spine. Simi used to say this pose was the smallest, most contained of them all, embryonic, protected; so introverted when I’m curled up like that. But when I fold in really deep, my upper and lower jaw are jammed together which causes a grinding pressure through my back teeth – not quite sure how to alleviate this apart from backing off in the pose.
Padmasana
There’s a reason for crossing left over right in all the Padmasana poses, but I don’t know what it is, maybe something to do with the movement of stuff through the intestines from one side to the other? Whatever it is, it doesn’t make for a balanced opening of knees and hips in my book. I don’t want to change the Padmasana cross in my practice, partly because you’re not supposed to (and I respect this for whatever reason it may be), but mostly because it’s what I’m used to so it’s easy.
Crossing right over left in Padmasana (the wrong way) almost tips me over in Pindasana and I can’t get my arms through my legs this way in Garbha Pindasana, let alone balance there. That suggests my hips and knees are really uneven.
I might use my meditation time to sit in opposite Padmasana instead of my usual comfy half Padmasana. The few times I’ve done this, I’ve emerged after 45minutes or so with such a dead leg and dead foot, it’s taken a couple of long and excruciatingly minutes to breathe life back into them.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Thursday 24th June
Period Practice
I had to cancel yesterday’s gallery practice because Rebecca had organized a 6am teacher’s practice at the studio where Kosta and I teach so we felt obliged to attend. Then at the last minute she cancelled it.
So having had such an emotional practice on Tuesday, then yesterday off, I began this morning’s practice with great curiosity and just a little trepidation as it was also the first day of my period (which in retrospect probably explains the emotions on Tuesday – PMT).
Sometimes on day one of my period, I feel bloated and heavy in the lower abdomen as if my pelvic bowl is full of an unctuous liquid in which a sack of potatoes is bobbing around. Other months I feel no different to any other day. So I now allow my body to determine whether I practice or not during the first few days of my period.
This morning I did all of Primary really thoroughly up to Setu Bandhasana.
Because of my period, I spent a few extra breaths in Baddha Konasana and Upavista Konasana in true Iyengar menstrual fashion, focusing on softening and opening up the pelvic floor to allow the free flow downward of the menstrual energy.
I remember early on in my Ashtanga practice when I just started to get a gross form of mula bandha happening by contracting and lifting up the pelvic floor, I was surprised to find I couldn’t engage it at all during menstruation; my body wouldn’t allow it – a nice revelation of the body’s innate intelligence. I guess the downward movement of the flow exerts a releasing energy in the subtle body to speed the passage outwards of the flow, and trying to pull up Mula Bandha and Uddiyana Bandha interferes with this.
After Setu Bandhasana I did Pasasana and Kraunchasana and three really good Urdhva Dhanurasanas. The backbends were really good, not because they were easy or fully open, but because I felt quite restricted in the first one but stayed for 8 breaths working consciously to free up all the parts that were preventing the openings. Then I did 5 breaths in the next two.
It’s so rewarding when I can apply such precision and clarity in a pose, when my awareness is directed like a laser beam, sharp and penetrating; the moments open up and time expands…like you see when a cat stalks a bird, pure intent, not missing a move. My practice had that quality through it this morning and suspended up there in Urdhva Dhanurasana, feeling all the subtle openings as they occurred, I sensed real connection and felt great love for this practice that challenges and teaches me.
I saw a photo of someone in a modified Matsyasana recently (legs extended rather than folded in Padmasana) with elbows and palms pressed to the floor. The woman had an incredibly lifted arch in her thoracic spine – it was beautiful. So I focused on pressing that part of my spine deeply in and up in the backbends this morning.
After the Urdhva Ds, I stayed in Paschimottanasana for a few minutes, trying to find a softness there which never came. I find it difficult to work softly in this pose, especially with the shoulder injury. The pose should be held from the core (bandhas), not from external muscular strength, a balancing act between effort and yielding. When I back off slightly, engage gentle bandhas and extend the front spine from inside, the focus immediately drops inwards, the pull/push of the mind softens and the pose starts to become really interesting.
After Paschimottanasana, instead of the inversions, I did a softer Baddha Konasana, then Baddha Padmasana and my current favourite Yoga Mudra.
Savasana Reflections
The end of practice comes around…time to lay out to rest, to integrate all the changes, to passively absorb the gifts of the practice by osmosis.
Savasana is the piece de resistance, a luscious dessert after a fine meal, the icing on the cake, a slow intravenous drip of nectar.
But the surrender required to experience this bliss doesn’t come easily. Some days it’s just downright impossible as my mind can often be racy if the practice has stimulated openings, brought up emotions and dislodged comfy habits.
Some days I need to use all my will power and conscious effort to relax – what a paradox. Peace is our natural state, and look what we go through trying to even remember that, let alone cultivating and dwelling in it. It’s elusive. I often remind my students that Savasana is the most difficult pose of all and needs full awareness like other poses.
At the end of a typical Iyengar class, we are usually guided into Savasana with auto suggestions, keeping us engaged in the process of consciously relaxing body and mind. I’ve noticed that at the end of led Ashtanga classes, we are just told to “take rest” – no guidance, just take rest (in John Scott’s book it barely rates a mention). “Take rest” reminds me so much of Vipassana retreats and Mr Goenka’s instruction at the end of each day of meditation. After 10-11 hours of sitting, you’re in a weird state of exhaustion, almost unable to sit up, head heavy, body aching, and those two final words are almost the catalyst for tears!
I’ve had some very rich and luminous Savasanas. It’s a timeless, deathless state. The weight of daily commitments, stresses, tensions, burdens, contractions is lifted. The total release of tension results in expansion. Stuck and held energy is dissolved. I lay there, free, having passed through death, resting in peace, liberated, no personality, pure energy, reconnected to the divine source. My natural state.
This kind of Savasana is rare. Days like today, my mind races all over the place and when the others begin to stir from their slumber and I realize my Savasana time is up, I sit up and kick myself for wasting the most precious opportunity of the day.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Tuesday 29th June
Now that my shoulder’s feeling less traumatized, the rest of my body is starting to respond to the practice again. Joy, joy, joy.
Within each pose this morning I felt little physical openings that squealed with delight; muscles, joints, ligaments and organs, waking up and stretching after a deep comatose winter. I so enjoyed the entire practice today. I made love with every pose.
Does this reflect my state of mind? Of course.
Something’s shifting.
Uranus Conjunct Ascendant
Ive been struggling under the influence of Uranus conjunct my Ascendant for the last month or so: wanting to break free of all commitments, to give up teaching, break off my relationship; a simmering state of rebellion. It was pure luck that I discovered this transit as I haven’t consulted an ephemeris for years. Happened to look upon one last week because my daughter just had a baby girl (my first grandchild) and I got curious. Uranus conjunct Ascendant is a very powerful and disruptive energy so I feel comforted that I can blame my quiet implosion on the stars. It makes much more sense now, but more importantly, I can view the feelings objectively and assess how to use the energy to my advantage.
Enjoyed the deep twists of Paravritta Trikonasana, Parivritta Parsvakonasana and the Marichyasanas this morning so it wasn’t surprising when I bound on both sides in Marichy D AND Pasasana – it sounds so trivial but binding in Pasasana just makes my day. Continued the practice up to Ustrasana then did 4 Urdhva Dhanurasanas and 4 slow, bendy dropbacks.
Pindasana
In Pindasana I found myself rolling side to side on the back of my neck so I squeeeeeeezed my Padmasana legs in tightly and found a delicate point of balance on the very top of my spine. Simi used to say this pose was the smallest, most contained of them all, embryonic, protected; so introverted when I’m curled up like that. But when I fold in really deep, my upper and lower jaw are jammed together which causes a grinding pressure through my back teeth – not quite sure how to alleviate this apart from backing off in the pose.
Padmasana
There’s a reason for crossing left over right in all the Padmasana poses, but I don’t know what it is, maybe something to do with the movement of stuff through the intestines from one side to the other? Whatever it is, it doesn’t make for a balanced opening of knees and hips in my book. I don’t want to change the Padmasana cross in my practice, partly because you’re not supposed to (and I respect this for whatever reason it may be), but mostly because it’s what I’m used to so it’s easy.
Crossing right over left in Padmasana (the wrong way) almost tips me over in Pindasana and I can’t get my arms through my legs this way in Garbha Pindasana, let alone balance there. That suggests my hips and knees are really uneven.
I might use my meditation time to sit in opposite Padmasana instead of my usual comfy half Padmasana. The few times I’ve done this, I’ve emerged after 45minutes or so with such a dead leg and dead foot, it’s taken a couple of long and excruciatingly minutes to breathe life back into them.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Thursday 24th June
Period Practice
I had to cancel yesterday’s gallery practice because Rebecca had organized a 6am teacher’s practice at the studio where Kosta and I teach so we felt obliged to attend. Then at the last minute she cancelled it.
So having had such an emotional practice on Tuesday, then yesterday off, I began this morning’s practice with great curiosity and just a little trepidation as it was also the first day of my period (which in retrospect probably explains the emotions on Tuesday – PMT).
Sometimes on day one of my period, I feel bloated and heavy in the lower abdomen as if my pelvic bowl is full of an unctuous liquid in which a sack of potatoes is bobbing around. Other months I feel no different to any other day. So I now allow my body to determine whether I practice or not during the first few days of my period.
This morning I did all of Primary really thoroughly up to Setu Bandhasana.
Because of my period, I spent a few extra breaths in Baddha Konasana and Upavista Konasana in true Iyengar menstrual fashion, focusing on softening and opening up the pelvic floor to allow the free flow downward of the menstrual energy.
I remember early on in my Ashtanga practice when I just started to get a gross form of mula bandha happening by contracting and lifting up the pelvic floor, I was surprised to find I couldn’t engage it at all during menstruation; my body wouldn’t allow it – a nice revelation of the body’s innate intelligence. I guess the downward movement of the flow exerts a releasing energy in the subtle body to speed the passage outwards of the flow, and trying to pull up Mula Bandha and Uddiyana Bandha interferes with this.
After Setu Bandhasana I did Pasasana and Kraunchasana and three really good Urdhva Dhanurasanas. The backbends were really good, not because they were easy or fully open, but because I felt quite restricted in the first one but stayed for 8 breaths working consciously to free up all the parts that were preventing the openings. Then I did 5 breaths in the next two.
It’s so rewarding when I can apply such precision and clarity in a pose, when my awareness is directed like a laser beam, sharp and penetrating; the moments open up and time expands…like you see when a cat stalks a bird, pure intent, not missing a move. My practice had that quality through it this morning and suspended up there in Urdhva Dhanurasana, feeling all the subtle openings as they occurred, I sensed real connection and felt great love for this practice that challenges and teaches me.
I saw a photo of someone in a modified Matsyasana recently (legs extended rather than folded in Padmasana) with elbows and palms pressed to the floor. The woman had an incredibly lifted arch in her thoracic spine – it was beautiful. So I focused on pressing that part of my spine deeply in and up in the backbends this morning.
After the Urdhva Ds, I stayed in Paschimottanasana for a few minutes, trying to find a softness there which never came. I find it difficult to work softly in this pose, especially with the shoulder injury. The pose should be held from the core (bandhas), not from external muscular strength, a balancing act between effort and yielding. When I back off slightly, engage gentle bandhas and extend the front spine from inside, the focus immediately drops inwards, the pull/push of the mind softens and the pose starts to become really interesting.
After Paschimottanasana, instead of the inversions, I did a softer Baddha Konasana, then Baddha Padmasana and my current favourite Yoga Mudra.
