Diary of a yoga nobodhi

Friday 23rd July 2004

Having practiced Ashtanga 4 days a week without a teacher for the last couple of months, I’ve gained enormous insight into the practice and into myself.  I’ve enjoyed listening to my inner guide and developing a trust in what comes forth.  It’s different when you don’t rely on a teacher, when you don’t practice in a class – there’s less distraction.

Despite the above, I had an impulse to go to David’s Friday led primary class this morning instead of Darren’s led Iyengar class. 
David welcomed me back in his minimal manner; Simi gave me a big hug sying how much she missed me – she’s a true gem.  Now that David has taken over teaching the early morning classes, Simi does her practice alongside the students, David treating his partner in life like any other student, adjusting and correcting her, despite her expertise.  Such humility and devotion in a teacher is refreshing to see. 
The class itself was a little disappointing but that makes me wonder what I was expecting.  Knowing how strict David purportedly adheres to the SPKJ Ashtanga system, I thought there would be a strong flow to it but he counted quite slowly so the practice really dragged for me.  At least now I’m clear that I won’t get much from the led class, so I can continue going to Darren’s Iyengar class knowing what I’m not missing.
But having said that, I’m considering doing an occasional Mysore class with David, maybe once a fortnight, even though I’ve heard that he won’t let anyone practice past primary.  I really miss the strong adjustments despite questioning some of his instructions.  For example in Matsyasana this morning he adjusted me to roll my shoulders forward to spread open my shoulder blades.  He then squatted over me and moved me so deeply into the thoracic backbend that my head was off the floor.  He held me there through the transition into Uttana Padasana, but was holding my weight so far forward that I couldn’t lift my legs up.  I had to hold onto his arms to retain the back arch and lift my legs.
The slow holdings in all the poses meant we had to cut all the finishing poses down to half time EXCEPT Uth Pluthi damn it – David counted up to 50!.  I descended three times, somewhere around count 20, 35 and 42 for a breath or two.  By count 50 I was still up there but my body was shaking, and I noticed only 3 out of the 12 people actually persisted.  The others gave up and just watched, shaking their heads in amused disbelief!

It’s really nice to see Simi practicing with everyone else.  The one peek I took at her doing Primary this morning was between Prasaritta Padottanasana C and D.  Inhaling, she came up from Prasaritta C, hands on hips and exhaled at the centre pause...then inhaling to prepare for Prasaritta D, not only did she lift her heart up and look up, she did this incredible curvy backbend, dropping her head right back and looking BEHIND her (at me I think), before moving into the forward bend.  She's so graceful, a loose, flexible dancer, with long, soft, bendy, flowing female movements, nothing mechanical about Simi…she’s just gorgeously and unashamedly feline.

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Thursday 22nd July 2004

Three consecutive days with a consistently strong and focused Ashtanga practice.  Either I’m having an unusually good week (despite practicing through my period) or some change has occurred that I haven’t had time to identify and acknowledge into consciousness.  Practising strongly for three consecutive days has always left me a little ragged by Day 3 (Thursday).  But this week is different…I can hardly believe how vibrantly alive I feel.

Looking back over the week my daily schedule and workload have been manic and they've demanded all hidden reserves of my time and energy.  But some kind of superhuman inner strength has been powering me this week; not only have I been coping with the manic activity, the crises and demands, but flying with them– feeling energized, radiant, focused and extremely alive, perfectly balanced with a genuine equanimity and stillness amid the storms.  If only I could bottle this concoction and sell it I’d make a million.

Practice in the Gallery this week (Tues/Wed/Thurs):
- Kept it simple just doing a good, strong primary practice each day without the inversions on period days, and only adding Pasasana on Tuesday
- Three days in a row, binding deeply in Marichyasana D and surprising myself each time.
- Binding hands now in Parivritta Parsvakonasana, but the deeper twist puts me a little off balance so I have to work on grounding my feet and legs and opening more from the hip to get the upper torso twist from a deeper, more stable lunge.
- Consistently challenging my backbending limits by walking hands in close to feet in Urdhva Dhanurasana.

I’ve noticed in Savasana lately a delicious tingling of my tongue.  It seems to be an accumulation of ch’i (prana) in the tongue at the end of the practice but I have no idea why this is happening.  Perhaps by drawing the ch’i/prana up from the perimeum (muladhara chakra) the vital energy is collecting in my tongue. Weird.

Rolling up to Urdhva Paschimottanasana still eludes me despite a few new pointers I’ve been given (thanks Erik and Amanda).  I look forward to the day when this one starts to make sense – it’s a mess right now.  I lay with legs overhead, mentally preparing to roll up, then launch up into the unknown as my brain scrambles, pulling up about halfway and then falling back, usually 3-4 times, losing all mind/body synchronicity.  My brain just doesn’t know what to instruct my body, so my body just stumbles around in the dark.   It makes me laugh every time. 

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