Monday 22nd February 2004
Sunday morning
It’s not often I can get to a Sunday morning self practice at the shala. Saturday night and Sunday morning seem to be the only guaranteed time I get to spend with my boyfriend, so our one morning waking up together is precious. This week he was away so I met up with Kosta at the shala at 6.30am and we did our own practice along with about 5 others who came in at various times.
It’s nice to be there, doing yoga so early on a Sunday morning when the rest of the city is taking it easy, slowly waking up. What we choose to be doing on a Sunday morning with our diminishing leisure time reveals what is important to us; whether it’s sleeping in, having breakfast in bed, going to church, a bike ride, taking kids to the beach, recovering from a late night out, or an early morning walk with the dog. There’s something nice about the whole Sunday morning vibe, sort of relaxed, reflective and revitalizing.
Self practice at the shala on a Sunday has a different flavour to mid week Mysore practice. It’s more enjoyable, lighter; you stop if you need to, laugh if you want to, smile as you practice instead of taking it so seriously.
Sunday afternoon
I went bushwalking.
Sunday night
I was exhausted.
Monday morning
Not surprisingly when the alarm went off just after 5am this morning, my body was not feeling up to a Mysore practice. I bailed out and slept in until 8.30am.
The morning unfolded into a deeply spiritual experience. I put a Lisa Gerrard song onto repeat on the CD player, an ambrosial, hymn like song that fills the air with a holy reverence. My house became a church.
I placed my mat on the floor of the kitchen, a soft light filtering in the big glass doors. Holy music filled the space and I did my practice with great love and attention. The breath was soft and audible, each movement an expression of love for the life I’ve been given and all that is magnificent. I felt almost overwhelmed at the magnitude of feeling that imbued this practice. Reached Navasana and moved to the finishing sequence, not wishing to prolong and exhaust the experience. Immense resources emerge when our ordinariness begins to dissolve. Mediochrity falls away and our capacity to merge with and conduct the energy of creation is revealed. All of this was fueling each moment of my practice this morning.
I stayed in Sirsasana (Headstand) for 15 minutes, using each breath to reinforce my attention on directing the pranic force through the sushumna. It wavered a few times but the higher focus that pervaded this practice seemed to protect my mind from its usual distractions and I was able to stay fully engrossed in the rich experience of breathing in time with the life force.
Then I sat, silent, exalted, serene, bathing in the afterglow of communion.
That was my practice this morning.
I wonder if I’ll ever practice like that again, where the body and its limitations are forgotten. The poses, the movement, the breath, the mind and the heart, all uniting as one, expressing fully the paradoxical beauty of being fully human and fully divine. A practice suspended between heaven and earth.
Blogging
Blogging’s good…it’s becoming part of my practice now. It’s cathartic. It’s also a form of svadhyaya (study of the self through contemplation), one of the niyamas.
In “Light on Yoga”, Mr Iyengar says:
“The person practicing svadhyaya reads his own book of life, at the same time that he writes and revises it. There is a change in his outlook on life. He starts to realize that all creation is meant for bhakti (adoration) rather than for bhoga (enjoyment), that all creation is divine, that there is divinity within himself and that the energy which moves him is the same that moves the entire universe.”
On the yogic path there is the danger of becoming too self referencing. Every experience can become another excuse to analyse, play with and indulge the ego. You think about yourself, talk about yourself. The ego thrives on the attention to me, me, me. I think it’s called spiritual masturbation.
A higher motivation and awareness keeps self study pure. We study ourselves to become more aware of our actions and reactions, more sensitive to what is holding us back from moving forward on the path to perfection. We can see what weighs us down, where we get stuck, where we resist, where we shine, how we can contribute to this world. And through svadhyaya, as we come to see our conditioned responses, we can work to release those blockages one by one, and slowly pull back the veil that obscures the light within us. It takes vigour, vigilance and ruthless self honesty. Come to think of it, it takes all the other niyamas: purity/commitment, equanimity, enthusiasm/passion/discipline and a selfless devotion to divine union.
All of this while raising kids, minding puppies, nurturing relationships, cooking dinners, working, shopping, cleaning, teaching, budgeting, dreaming and occasionally screaming.
“Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water
After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water.”
-Wu Li
___________________________________________________________________
Sunday morning
It’s not often I can get to a Sunday morning self practice at the shala. Saturday night and Sunday morning seem to be the only guaranteed time I get to spend with my boyfriend, so our one morning waking up together is precious. This week he was away so I met up with Kosta at the shala at 6.30am and we did our own practice along with about 5 others who came in at various times.
It’s nice to be there, doing yoga so early on a Sunday morning when the rest of the city is taking it easy, slowly waking up. What we choose to be doing on a Sunday morning with our diminishing leisure time reveals what is important to us; whether it’s sleeping in, having breakfast in bed, going to church, a bike ride, taking kids to the beach, recovering from a late night out, or an early morning walk with the dog. There’s something nice about the whole Sunday morning vibe, sort of relaxed, reflective and revitalizing.
Self practice at the shala on a Sunday has a different flavour to mid week Mysore practice. It’s more enjoyable, lighter; you stop if you need to, laugh if you want to, smile as you practice instead of taking it so seriously.
Sunday afternoon
I went bushwalking.
Sunday night
I was exhausted.
Monday morning
Not surprisingly when the alarm went off just after 5am this morning, my body was not feeling up to a Mysore practice. I bailed out and slept in until 8.30am.
The morning unfolded into a deeply spiritual experience. I put a Lisa Gerrard song onto repeat on the CD player, an ambrosial, hymn like song that fills the air with a holy reverence. My house became a church.
I placed my mat on the floor of the kitchen, a soft light filtering in the big glass doors. Holy music filled the space and I did my practice with great love and attention. The breath was soft and audible, each movement an expression of love for the life I’ve been given and all that is magnificent. I felt almost overwhelmed at the magnitude of feeling that imbued this practice. Reached Navasana and moved to the finishing sequence, not wishing to prolong and exhaust the experience. Immense resources emerge when our ordinariness begins to dissolve. Mediochrity falls away and our capacity to merge with and conduct the energy of creation is revealed. All of this was fueling each moment of my practice this morning.
I stayed in Sirsasana (Headstand) for 15 minutes, using each breath to reinforce my attention on directing the pranic force through the sushumna. It wavered a few times but the higher focus that pervaded this practice seemed to protect my mind from its usual distractions and I was able to stay fully engrossed in the rich experience of breathing in time with the life force.
Then I sat, silent, exalted, serene, bathing in the afterglow of communion.
That was my practice this morning.
I wonder if I’ll ever practice like that again, where the body and its limitations are forgotten. The poses, the movement, the breath, the mind and the heart, all uniting as one, expressing fully the paradoxical beauty of being fully human and fully divine. A practice suspended between heaven and earth.
Blogging
Blogging’s good…it’s becoming part of my practice now. It’s cathartic. It’s also a form of svadhyaya (study of the self through contemplation), one of the niyamas.
In “Light on Yoga”, Mr Iyengar says:
“The person practicing svadhyaya reads his own book of life, at the same time that he writes and revises it. There is a change in his outlook on life. He starts to realize that all creation is meant for bhakti (adoration) rather than for bhoga (enjoyment), that all creation is divine, that there is divinity within himself and that the energy which moves him is the same that moves the entire universe.”
On the yogic path there is the danger of becoming too self referencing. Every experience can become another excuse to analyse, play with and indulge the ego. You think about yourself, talk about yourself. The ego thrives on the attention to me, me, me. I think it’s called spiritual masturbation.
A higher motivation and awareness keeps self study pure. We study ourselves to become more aware of our actions and reactions, more sensitive to what is holding us back from moving forward on the path to perfection. We can see what weighs us down, where we get stuck, where we resist, where we shine, how we can contribute to this world. And through svadhyaya, as we come to see our conditioned responses, we can work to release those blockages one by one, and slowly pull back the veil that obscures the light within us. It takes vigour, vigilance and ruthless self honesty. Come to think of it, it takes all the other niyamas: purity/commitment, equanimity, enthusiasm/passion/discipline and a selfless devotion to divine union.
All of this while raising kids, minding puppies, nurturing relationships, cooking dinners, working, shopping, cleaning, teaching, budgeting, dreaming and occasionally screaming.
“Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water
After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water.”
-Wu Li
___________________________________________________________________
Wednesday 18th February 2004
Blah blah
Mediochre kind of practice this morning – had to go gently because of my injured right hamstring but I'm gaining quite some insight into where these hamstrings come into play. Trikonasana has been so easy for me for so long and always a nice pose to work into: strong grounding of the leg energy, adjusting the pelvis to conduct that energy up the spine to lengthen and straighten it and a expansive opening from the heart out to the fingertips. Having been used to entering it fully on the first exhalation (instant toe grab) then correcting and aligning on the subsequent inhalation, then moving to the inner work for the remaining breaths, I’m reluctantly having to accept that it’s taking me at least three full breaths to even get my fingers close to my big toe on the right side - a precarious journey going down, fraught with danger.
But it’s been a revelation to observe how much the hamstring is involved in this pose. Not to mention Parsvottanasana, the Prasarittas, Utthita Hasta and Supta Padangusthasana, and all the forward bends especially Upavista Konasana. All those poses that I slipped into each day like old soft shoes have turned on me, threatening hamstring trauma with every movement. Injuries can also be a gift...I can understand with more compassion the restrictions that my beginner students experience. After a few years of yoga, you forget how it feels to be stiff and unable to even touch your toes.
Something I don’t quite understand is how it has affected my Urdhva Dhanurasana because as far as I can tell, there’s no length demanded from the hamstrings here. Perhaps my body is harbouring a subconscious panic during practice as a protective fear response to the possibility of pain. This morning as I was preparing for my first drop back from standing to Urdhva Dhanurasana, my body’s surveillance system went on full alert, so I asked Simi to support me instead of going solo. The crash landing on my head last week I now think was the result of my body's tightened up fear response to this hamstring injury. Energetically, it’s blocking the opening I need for a soft and safe landing.
Soft mind, soft body
The mind state manifests in the body for sure. I have fond memories of the days that followed immediately after completing my 10 day Vipassana retreats. The body is so open and soft, and the energy pathways so clear, that backbends just bloom open with joy. It’s almost unbelievable considering you’ve sat in meditation for 11 hours a day, 10 days straight without any yoga or exercises in between. That proved to me beyond any doubt that the state of our mind is reflected in our body. When the mind is fully at peace, when the constrictions of the mind are released, there is a corresponding release throughout the physical and emotional body.
So on days like today when my physical Ashtanga practice drags, I look to what’s happening in my life and the mental and emotional tightness that’s holding me back from being fully open, at ease and flowing with Grace.
Patanjali (3:42) “From perfect discipline of the relation between the body and space and from contemplative poise in which the body is as light as cotton, one can move through space” (translation of Barbara Stoler Miller). Other translators of this sutra have suggested levitation and actual space travel – alluding to the potential for the human body to transcend physical limitations when the mind and body gain spatial unification. The memory of my physical body’s grace and ease that were a byproduct of my long hours in meditation remains as a reminder of the mind and body’s interconnectedness.
_______________________________________________________________________
Friday 13th February 2004
Led Primary practice
Friday morning, city café, just finished the Led Primary practice with Simi. It may be my last one for a while as Darrin gets back from holidays next week and I miss his Friday morning Iyengar led class. Apart from providing a balance to my growing Ashtanga practice, I’m fond of Darrin. Although he was my first teacher he wasn’t my most influential one. But I’ve returned to Darrin’s classes often over the years. They are always strong and grounding, challenging but safe, and with a gentleness and purity that is uniquely Darrin.
Simi inserted a few extras toward the end of the practice this morning. After Setu Bandhasana, we did three Setu Bandha Sarvangasana, then a couple of Salabhasanas with hands interlocked and arms stretching behind the back, then some deep lunges with the back knee on the floor while holding the sides of our mats and arching the back. Then three Urdhva Dhanurasanas. Breathed a sigh of relief when we moved straight onto Paschimottanasana without doing any drop backs. I was a bit apprehensive as we approached the impending dropbacks because I crash landed on my head on the first one yesterday and it sort of shook me up. I tried to tell myself that it was because my hands slipped on the sweaty mat, but really I just wasn’t focusing on that first one – my mind was elsewhere. Looking back I should have gone to the wall for a few dropbacks to regain my confidence, but I felt a little teary and wanted a loving hug from my mum to wash away all the hurt from my endless failures. Folded into Paschimottanasana, hugging, cradling my tender self.
It’s been five days straight of 35C plus temperatures with 43C expected tomorrow. People in the city seem a bit worn from the week but there’s a freshness to the morning air. The espresso smells great and tastes rich and mellow, replenishing my spirit. This is the end of my first 3 day working week and it feels GREAT! I’d intended to spend the 2 extra days practicing, reading and meditating – deepening my spiritual life. But this first week was an adjustment. I caught up with friends, did some shopping and cooking, cleaning etc. It’s easy to fritter away the time – the more time you’ve got, the more time you waste. That happens with money too.
Divine Music
I taught my Level 1 class last night. It was one of those wonderful classes when everything falls perfectly into place and somehow your heart opens and connects with every one of your students. After the class I chatted to a few people and one new student (only his second class with me) gave me a CD. I was taken completely by surprise. It was a genuine gift from his heart. The CD was ‘Duality’ by Lisa Gerrard and Pieter Bourke. I once had Lisa’s first CD called The Mirror Pool, but loved it and lost it and hadn’t heard her music for a few years.
When I got home after the class I played it. I sat transfixed for an hour. The music…her voice is deeply reverential, deeply mystical, evocative and sacred. In the warm darkness of my kitchen, I became one with the music as the softness of my voice rose spontaneously to unite with the divine and the sacred. Music can tap into our eternal soul and draw it to the surface, evoking memories of immortality, splendour and beauty. The music and my soul weaved in and around each other, as if making love out of creation. I’ve only felt the true potency of music and sound on rare occasions. Sometimes when chanting om at the shala I feel it – when my om joins with all the others to create one, when it’s no longer separate, when I surrender to the one om that unites us all in the room and the practice, when the ego dissolves and the sound moves through me as it moves through us all.
Music is divine. Lisa Gerrard’s work is both hauntingly human and divine and it connects me with my longing for That which is eternal…loving…timeless and formless…That which is us.
_________________________________________________________________________
Thursday 12th February 2004
I could have stayed for hours in Urdhva Padmasana this morning. It’s a beautiful pose that cultivates balance and harmony which I use as a springboard for deep sea inner exploration. I’ve been experimenting with spinal breathing in this pose lately but don’t have the mental application yet to sustain my concentration on it for long. Spinal breathing uses mulabandha to draw up prana from the base of the spine and move it up through the sushumna nadi to the third eye. You draw it up on the inhalation and release it down on the exhalation. I imagine it would feel like a thorough flushing out of the central energetic channel. The exact location of the sushumna nadi still eludes my inner eye – it’s elusive, but I guess with practice and correct application it will come. This kind internal work is very challenging because it demands a very delicate sensitivity and sustained focus. You have to use a different kind of intelligence to access it and a different mind/heart approach. It often feels like a surgical operation, sitting there motionless in Padmasana (or Urdhva Padmasana), trying to harness the power of the will to forge new neural pathways to connect the mind into various parts of the subtle body.
Must learn to think less, feel more.
Blah blah
Mediochre kind of practice this morning – had to go gently because of my injured right hamstring but I'm gaining quite some insight into where these hamstrings come into play. Trikonasana has been so easy for me for so long and always a nice pose to work into: strong grounding of the leg energy, adjusting the pelvis to conduct that energy up the spine to lengthen and straighten it and a expansive opening from the heart out to the fingertips. Having been used to entering it fully on the first exhalation (instant toe grab) then correcting and aligning on the subsequent inhalation, then moving to the inner work for the remaining breaths, I’m reluctantly having to accept that it’s taking me at least three full breaths to even get my fingers close to my big toe on the right side - a precarious journey going down, fraught with danger.
But it’s been a revelation to observe how much the hamstring is involved in this pose. Not to mention Parsvottanasana, the Prasarittas, Utthita Hasta and Supta Padangusthasana, and all the forward bends especially Upavista Konasana. All those poses that I slipped into each day like old soft shoes have turned on me, threatening hamstring trauma with every movement. Injuries can also be a gift...I can understand with more compassion the restrictions that my beginner students experience. After a few years of yoga, you forget how it feels to be stiff and unable to even touch your toes.
Something I don’t quite understand is how it has affected my Urdhva Dhanurasana because as far as I can tell, there’s no length demanded from the hamstrings here. Perhaps my body is harbouring a subconscious panic during practice as a protective fear response to the possibility of pain. This morning as I was preparing for my first drop back from standing to Urdhva Dhanurasana, my body’s surveillance system went on full alert, so I asked Simi to support me instead of going solo. The crash landing on my head last week I now think was the result of my body's tightened up fear response to this hamstring injury. Energetically, it’s blocking the opening I need for a soft and safe landing.
Soft mind, soft body
The mind state manifests in the body for sure. I have fond memories of the days that followed immediately after completing my 10 day Vipassana retreats. The body is so open and soft, and the energy pathways so clear, that backbends just bloom open with joy. It’s almost unbelievable considering you’ve sat in meditation for 11 hours a day, 10 days straight without any yoga or exercises in between. That proved to me beyond any doubt that the state of our mind is reflected in our body. When the mind is fully at peace, when the constrictions of the mind are released, there is a corresponding release throughout the physical and emotional body.
So on days like today when my physical Ashtanga practice drags, I look to what’s happening in my life and the mental and emotional tightness that’s holding me back from being fully open, at ease and flowing with Grace.
Patanjali (3:42) “From perfect discipline of the relation between the body and space and from contemplative poise in which the body is as light as cotton, one can move through space” (translation of Barbara Stoler Miller). Other translators of this sutra have suggested levitation and actual space travel – alluding to the potential for the human body to transcend physical limitations when the mind and body gain spatial unification. The memory of my physical body’s grace and ease that were a byproduct of my long hours in meditation remains as a reminder of the mind and body’s interconnectedness.
_______________________________________________________________________
Friday 13th February 2004
Led Primary practice
Friday morning, city café, just finished the Led Primary practice with Simi. It may be my last one for a while as Darrin gets back from holidays next week and I miss his Friday morning Iyengar led class. Apart from providing a balance to my growing Ashtanga practice, I’m fond of Darrin. Although he was my first teacher he wasn’t my most influential one. But I’ve returned to Darrin’s classes often over the years. They are always strong and grounding, challenging but safe, and with a gentleness and purity that is uniquely Darrin.
Simi inserted a few extras toward the end of the practice this morning. After Setu Bandhasana, we did three Setu Bandha Sarvangasana, then a couple of Salabhasanas with hands interlocked and arms stretching behind the back, then some deep lunges with the back knee on the floor while holding the sides of our mats and arching the back. Then three Urdhva Dhanurasanas. Breathed a sigh of relief when we moved straight onto Paschimottanasana without doing any drop backs. I was a bit apprehensive as we approached the impending dropbacks because I crash landed on my head on the first one yesterday and it sort of shook me up. I tried to tell myself that it was because my hands slipped on the sweaty mat, but really I just wasn’t focusing on that first one – my mind was elsewhere. Looking back I should have gone to the wall for a few dropbacks to regain my confidence, but I felt a little teary and wanted a loving hug from my mum to wash away all the hurt from my endless failures. Folded into Paschimottanasana, hugging, cradling my tender self.
It’s been five days straight of 35C plus temperatures with 43C expected tomorrow. People in the city seem a bit worn from the week but there’s a freshness to the morning air. The espresso smells great and tastes rich and mellow, replenishing my spirit. This is the end of my first 3 day working week and it feels GREAT! I’d intended to spend the 2 extra days practicing, reading and meditating – deepening my spiritual life. But this first week was an adjustment. I caught up with friends, did some shopping and cooking, cleaning etc. It’s easy to fritter away the time – the more time you’ve got, the more time you waste. That happens with money too.
Divine Music
I taught my Level 1 class last night. It was one of those wonderful classes when everything falls perfectly into place and somehow your heart opens and connects with every one of your students. After the class I chatted to a few people and one new student (only his second class with me) gave me a CD. I was taken completely by surprise. It was a genuine gift from his heart. The CD was ‘Duality’ by Lisa Gerrard and Pieter Bourke. I once had Lisa’s first CD called The Mirror Pool, but loved it and lost it and hadn’t heard her music for a few years.
When I got home after the class I played it. I sat transfixed for an hour. The music…her voice is deeply reverential, deeply mystical, evocative and sacred. In the warm darkness of my kitchen, I became one with the music as the softness of my voice rose spontaneously to unite with the divine and the sacred. Music can tap into our eternal soul and draw it to the surface, evoking memories of immortality, splendour and beauty. The music and my soul weaved in and around each other, as if making love out of creation. I’ve only felt the true potency of music and sound on rare occasions. Sometimes when chanting om at the shala I feel it – when my om joins with all the others to create one, when it’s no longer separate, when I surrender to the one om that unites us all in the room and the practice, when the ego dissolves and the sound moves through me as it moves through us all.
Music is divine. Lisa Gerrard’s work is both hauntingly human and divine and it connects me with my longing for That which is eternal…loving…timeless and formless…That which is us.
_________________________________________________________________________
Thursday 12th February 2004
I could have stayed for hours in Urdhva Padmasana this morning. It’s a beautiful pose that cultivates balance and harmony which I use as a springboard for deep sea inner exploration. I’ve been experimenting with spinal breathing in this pose lately but don’t have the mental application yet to sustain my concentration on it for long. Spinal breathing uses mulabandha to draw up prana from the base of the spine and move it up through the sushumna nadi to the third eye. You draw it up on the inhalation and release it down on the exhalation. I imagine it would feel like a thorough flushing out of the central energetic channel. The exact location of the sushumna nadi still eludes my inner eye – it’s elusive, but I guess with practice and correct application it will come. This kind internal work is very challenging because it demands a very delicate sensitivity and sustained focus. You have to use a different kind of intelligence to access it and a different mind/heart approach. It often feels like a surgical operation, sitting there motionless in Padmasana (or Urdhva Padmasana), trying to harness the power of the will to forge new neural pathways to connect the mind into various parts of the subtle body.
Must learn to think less, feel more.
_________________________________________________________________________
Friday 6th February
Yoga Politics
The local Iyengar studio opened up a Tuesday early morning session for free self practice starting this week. So Renate, Kosta and myself decided to do our practice there instead of in my shed. It was stunning to feel the intensity and flow of the energy that the three of us created– it sort of permeated and energised the entire space. One innocent girl came in to do her Iyengar practice about half an hour after we had started and asked if she was supposed to join in.
But despite our long association with the studio and its owners and teachers (Kosta teaches there) the Ashtanga practice did not go down too well. In hindsight it may have been a bit provocative, but we decided to take the chance that they would welcome all yoga practitioners in the true spirit of yoga. NOT SO. Oh well, back to the shed next Tuesday. The good thing is it stirred up some really healthy discussion. Say no more.
Hamstring Woes and Getting Krouncasana
I went to another Iyengar session on Wednesday night. It was my third Wednesday night session but it may have to be my last one. The extremely long holdings were stressing my physical body and my nervous system and felt counterproductive to my wellbeing. I knew what to expect but went with the intention of coming out of poses early if I needed to and of not moving fully into poses. Instead of my deep folding into Uttanasana/Paschimottanasana with chest sliding past my knees, I held back half way, almost with my spine horizontal in Uttanasana rather than vertical to the floor; even with this modification, because the pose was held for so long my body kept resisting by going into a sort of nervous shock. I came out of the class not only with a tender Hamstring but feeling depressed and quite emotional. Got home at 11pm then managed to get up early for Mysore class the next morning even though the hamstring was bothering me. By Janu Sirsasana I felt some tears welling up in response to the hamstring injury. I calmly dissolved them into composure (by some magical kind of alchemy) and finished the rest of Primary with a softened heart.
Then I got to Pasasana. Although Simi helped me, it just went from bad to worse and I got completely confused. She tried to reassure me by saying that Pasasana could take over a year to master. I thought “that’s OK, rest of second series poses next lifetime”. Then she gave me Krouncasana “to finish on a positive note”! Well that pose I mastered years ago. She wrapped herself around my torso and leg to squeeze them deeper together (as only a confident Ashtanga teacher can do) and although I momentarily feared the worst for my hamstring, it was fine.
Having worked on the Primary series for about 10 months now, suddenly these two new poses have injected a freshness and a new challenge into my life.
But all this talk about poses when it’s not even about the poses…everything we do and feel on the mat is a metaphor for issues of much deeper significance. It’s on the mat that we are confronted time and time again and given the opportunities to cultivate qualities such as discipline, devotion, acceptance, joy, sensitivity, humility, letting go. We are forced to face change, disappointment, our fears, fluctuations, secrets, vulnerabilities, victories and our ego.
It’s not about the poses at all.
_________________________________________________________________________
Monday 2nd February
For the last 3 weeks I’ve been working a 4 day week having Mondays off. From next week I’ll finally cut down to a 3 day working week. What a luxury to have these days off to slow down, reflect, to catch up with myself, to connect my internal world with my external world. Full steam ahead. I’m teaching 4 classes a week at Rebecca’s studio now which will increase to 5 in a couple of weeks. We mould our destiny with every single choice we make, great and small. When living a life of inner integrity, listening to our heart, our choices reflect our truest nature and the outcomes of all our actions become the stepping stones to unlocking our potential for living an enlightened life.
Shadow Yoga
I went to a demonstration of Shadow Yoga last night. Emma Balnaves (partner of Shandor Remete) will be doing a workshop here next week so it was a precursor to that. Emma and Shandor are regulars here, being Emma’s home city and Shandor’s early yoga territory. Most of our yoga teachers have been trained or influenced by Shandor at some stage of their practice. We were lucky to have him living and teaching here during his strong Iyengar days. He trained up some very strong and dedicated teachers. Many of those teachers have remained faithful to Shandor and have integrated some of the ever changing and evolving Shadow Yoga practices (Shandor’s a Gemini) into their practice and teaching; the purists and the independent thinkers remain skeptical.
So I was curious to find out more about it.
Emma was very inspiring, not only in the practice she demonstrated, but also in how she interacted with the 40 or so students and teachers who’d come to watch and listen. She emphasized the use of Nauli Kriya which I’m not overly familiar with. It’s another layer which I’ll probably explore in time, but not right now – I’ve got enough to work with (like good old Pasasana). I can see that there’s a lot of internal movement of ch’i/prana in the Shadow Yoga which could add an interesting layer to and enhance an Ashtanga practice, on top of the tristana. For now I’ll just add all that to the overflowing pool of information being stored in my mental archives. One day when the time is ripe, I may get to pull it out. For me, more information is just more stimulation and it’s not always beneficial. Digging deeply in one hole we eventually get to the center of the earth, not by digging lots of shallow holes. I’ve seen first hand how a broadening knowledge base contributes to pride in people, bolstering their egos. Genuine spiritual growth comes from a deepening wisdom and is evidenced in a growing humility. The accumulation of knowledge is just a false diversion.
Mysore Practice
Focused and strong this morning. FINALLY managed to rock all the way around in Garbha Pindasana, although it took 12 rolls. Where did the momentum to actually DO 12 rolls come from? Something’s shifted. I love these shifts but they’re a mystery to me – one day it just seems to happen – like enlightenment I guess. It’s just given to you as a gift by the grace of God. “Here, have this, I’m feeling generous today.” Please God for my birthday can you give me a boost up to Kukkutasana?
The whole practice this morning was strong, calm and clear, moving in and out of each pose with a rhythmic flow, and maintaining that flow within the stillness of each pose. Managed to balance in a most beee-u-ti-ful Handstand: strong, light, no effort, and floated down to a soft Chaturanga landing. But damn it I got so engrossed in the sequence I forgot to do Pasasana.
_________________________________________________________________________
Friday 30th January
Led Primary class this morning.
Got 7 full rolls in Garbha Pindasana this morning. How did this happen? I don’t even know what I was doing right or different to make this happen! This Ashtanga practices mystifies and amazes me.
I felt so well after the practice this morning – uplifted, beaming, luminous. I love this practice with all its ups and downs. It takes courage, faith, persistence, devotion. The fluctuations of the mind are clearly obvious day in and day out and that is what you work with. The physical practice is just a mirror and a tool to move us inward towards our divine center.
___________________________________________________________________________
Wednesday 28th January
Practice and Devotion
What a drama getting myself out of bed this morning…
Set the alarm for 5.10am as usual but when it went off the fuss began – world war 3 erupted. My body was tired from 2 consecutive days of strong practice and I did not want to get up…so easy to just rollover and snuggle up for an extra 2 hours of well deserved sleep.
The hitch was that I’d arranged to meet my boyfriend at a city café for breakfast after practice. That was easy to overcome I thought – I could miss practice and drive in anyway. But I’d told Simi (my teacher) that I’d be at practice today. I can’t bear to wimp out on when I’ve state that so adamantly.
But the other side of me was saying I also need to be sensitive and compassionate to my physical and emotional needs, not overdo it and burn myself out. I feel like I’m always playing at the edge – not pushing the edge aggressively, but living permanently on the edge. Funny how the edge keeps shifting though.
So I managed to snap myself out of bed and get there.
The first half of practice was really lame so I figured I’d made a wrong decision to go. I felt very close to fainting a couple of times so I took it very easy through the standing poses, breathing a little quicker than usual to shorten and deintensify the engagement. After Virabhadrasana B I move up into a most perfectly lined up bone-on-bone handstand. Time stood still. It felt like minutes but was probably about 5-7 good seconds, not a big deal maybe, but the quality of stillness was memorable. Then I managed to slowly and effortlessly control most of the descent to Chaturanga. I'm beginning to think that the key to a perfectly poised handstand is the strong upward lift of prana mobilised by engaging the bandhas in the preceding Warrior poses.
Garbha Pindasana was deep and strong but I totally fell to pieces when I started to roll. This is not improving and I don't know why. I’m sure there’s a secret to this rolling business that nobody’s telling me. Didn’t even bother having a second try this morning. Just pulled my arms out and sat for a few seconds feeling completely dejected as if I’d been intravenously injected with melancholy. Then I just let it go and moved on.
Simi placed my legs behind my head in Supta Kurmasana, but I can’t understand how they stay there. Funny, unfamiliar body in this pose. I can’t tell where my limbs are.
So many things to practice. Getting out of bed without the useless drama is one.
Friday 6th February
Yoga Politics
The local Iyengar studio opened up a Tuesday early morning session for free self practice starting this week. So Renate, Kosta and myself decided to do our practice there instead of in my shed. It was stunning to feel the intensity and flow of the energy that the three of us created– it sort of permeated and energised the entire space. One innocent girl came in to do her Iyengar practice about half an hour after we had started and asked if she was supposed to join in.
But despite our long association with the studio and its owners and teachers (Kosta teaches there) the Ashtanga practice did not go down too well. In hindsight it may have been a bit provocative, but we decided to take the chance that they would welcome all yoga practitioners in the true spirit of yoga. NOT SO. Oh well, back to the shed next Tuesday. The good thing is it stirred up some really healthy discussion. Say no more.
Hamstring Woes and Getting Krouncasana
I went to another Iyengar session on Wednesday night. It was my third Wednesday night session but it may have to be my last one. The extremely long holdings were stressing my physical body and my nervous system and felt counterproductive to my wellbeing. I knew what to expect but went with the intention of coming out of poses early if I needed to and of not moving fully into poses. Instead of my deep folding into Uttanasana/Paschimottanasana with chest sliding past my knees, I held back half way, almost with my spine horizontal in Uttanasana rather than vertical to the floor; even with this modification, because the pose was held for so long my body kept resisting by going into a sort of nervous shock. I came out of the class not only with a tender Hamstring but feeling depressed and quite emotional. Got home at 11pm then managed to get up early for Mysore class the next morning even though the hamstring was bothering me. By Janu Sirsasana I felt some tears welling up in response to the hamstring injury. I calmly dissolved them into composure (by some magical kind of alchemy) and finished the rest of Primary with a softened heart.
Then I got to Pasasana. Although Simi helped me, it just went from bad to worse and I got completely confused. She tried to reassure me by saying that Pasasana could take over a year to master. I thought “that’s OK, rest of second series poses next lifetime”. Then she gave me Krouncasana “to finish on a positive note”! Well that pose I mastered years ago. She wrapped herself around my torso and leg to squeeze them deeper together (as only a confident Ashtanga teacher can do) and although I momentarily feared the worst for my hamstring, it was fine.
Having worked on the Primary series for about 10 months now, suddenly these two new poses have injected a freshness and a new challenge into my life.
But all this talk about poses when it’s not even about the poses…everything we do and feel on the mat is a metaphor for issues of much deeper significance. It’s on the mat that we are confronted time and time again and given the opportunities to cultivate qualities such as discipline, devotion, acceptance, joy, sensitivity, humility, letting go. We are forced to face change, disappointment, our fears, fluctuations, secrets, vulnerabilities, victories and our ego.
It’s not about the poses at all.
_________________________________________________________________________
Monday 2nd February
For the last 3 weeks I’ve been working a 4 day week having Mondays off. From next week I’ll finally cut down to a 3 day working week. What a luxury to have these days off to slow down, reflect, to catch up with myself, to connect my internal world with my external world. Full steam ahead. I’m teaching 4 classes a week at Rebecca’s studio now which will increase to 5 in a couple of weeks. We mould our destiny with every single choice we make, great and small. When living a life of inner integrity, listening to our heart, our choices reflect our truest nature and the outcomes of all our actions become the stepping stones to unlocking our potential for living an enlightened life.
Shadow Yoga
I went to a demonstration of Shadow Yoga last night. Emma Balnaves (partner of Shandor Remete) will be doing a workshop here next week so it was a precursor to that. Emma and Shandor are regulars here, being Emma’s home city and Shandor’s early yoga territory. Most of our yoga teachers have been trained or influenced by Shandor at some stage of their practice. We were lucky to have him living and teaching here during his strong Iyengar days. He trained up some very strong and dedicated teachers. Many of those teachers have remained faithful to Shandor and have integrated some of the ever changing and evolving Shadow Yoga practices (Shandor’s a Gemini) into their practice and teaching; the purists and the independent thinkers remain skeptical.
So I was curious to find out more about it.
Emma was very inspiring, not only in the practice she demonstrated, but also in how she interacted with the 40 or so students and teachers who’d come to watch and listen. She emphasized the use of Nauli Kriya which I’m not overly familiar with. It’s another layer which I’ll probably explore in time, but not right now – I’ve got enough to work with (like good old Pasasana). I can see that there’s a lot of internal movement of ch’i/prana in the Shadow Yoga which could add an interesting layer to and enhance an Ashtanga practice, on top of the tristana. For now I’ll just add all that to the overflowing pool of information being stored in my mental archives. One day when the time is ripe, I may get to pull it out. For me, more information is just more stimulation and it’s not always beneficial. Digging deeply in one hole we eventually get to the center of the earth, not by digging lots of shallow holes. I’ve seen first hand how a broadening knowledge base contributes to pride in people, bolstering their egos. Genuine spiritual growth comes from a deepening wisdom and is evidenced in a growing humility. The accumulation of knowledge is just a false diversion.
Mysore Practice
Focused and strong this morning. FINALLY managed to rock all the way around in Garbha Pindasana, although it took 12 rolls. Where did the momentum to actually DO 12 rolls come from? Something’s shifted. I love these shifts but they’re a mystery to me – one day it just seems to happen – like enlightenment I guess. It’s just given to you as a gift by the grace of God. “Here, have this, I’m feeling generous today.” Please God for my birthday can you give me a boost up to Kukkutasana?
The whole practice this morning was strong, calm and clear, moving in and out of each pose with a rhythmic flow, and maintaining that flow within the stillness of each pose. Managed to balance in a most beee-u-ti-ful Handstand: strong, light, no effort, and floated down to a soft Chaturanga landing. But damn it I got so engrossed in the sequence I forgot to do Pasasana.
_________________________________________________________________________
Friday 30th January
Led Primary class this morning.
Got 7 full rolls in Garbha Pindasana this morning. How did this happen? I don’t even know what I was doing right or different to make this happen! This Ashtanga practices mystifies and amazes me.
I felt so well after the practice this morning – uplifted, beaming, luminous. I love this practice with all its ups and downs. It takes courage, faith, persistence, devotion. The fluctuations of the mind are clearly obvious day in and day out and that is what you work with. The physical practice is just a mirror and a tool to move us inward towards our divine center.
___________________________________________________________________________
Wednesday 28th January
Practice and Devotion
What a drama getting myself out of bed this morning…
Set the alarm for 5.10am as usual but when it went off the fuss began – world war 3 erupted. My body was tired from 2 consecutive days of strong practice and I did not want to get up…so easy to just rollover and snuggle up for an extra 2 hours of well deserved sleep.
The hitch was that I’d arranged to meet my boyfriend at a city café for breakfast after practice. That was easy to overcome I thought – I could miss practice and drive in anyway. But I’d told Simi (my teacher) that I’d be at practice today. I can’t bear to wimp out on when I’ve state that so adamantly.
But the other side of me was saying I also need to be sensitive and compassionate to my physical and emotional needs, not overdo it and burn myself out. I feel like I’m always playing at the edge – not pushing the edge aggressively, but living permanently on the edge. Funny how the edge keeps shifting though.
So I managed to snap myself out of bed and get there.
The first half of practice was really lame so I figured I’d made a wrong decision to go. I felt very close to fainting a couple of times so I took it very easy through the standing poses, breathing a little quicker than usual to shorten and deintensify the engagement. After Virabhadrasana B I move up into a most perfectly lined up bone-on-bone handstand. Time stood still. It felt like minutes but was probably about 5-7 good seconds, not a big deal maybe, but the quality of stillness was memorable. Then I managed to slowly and effortlessly control most of the descent to Chaturanga. I'm beginning to think that the key to a perfectly poised handstand is the strong upward lift of prana mobilised by engaging the bandhas in the preceding Warrior poses.
Garbha Pindasana was deep and strong but I totally fell to pieces when I started to roll. This is not improving and I don't know why. I’m sure there’s a secret to this rolling business that nobody’s telling me. Didn’t even bother having a second try this morning. Just pulled my arms out and sat for a few seconds feeling completely dejected as if I’d been intravenously injected with melancholy. Then I just let it go and moved on.
Simi placed my legs behind my head in Supta Kurmasana, but I can’t understand how they stay there. Funny, unfamiliar body in this pose. I can’t tell where my limbs are.
So many things to practice. Getting out of bed without the useless drama is one.
Friday 23rd January
Pasasana
This pose pushes every physical and emotional button in my hard drive. Although Simi gave me this first pose in the second series nearly two weeks ago, I’ve been avoiding it. I’ve attempted it only three times since then. And curiously some part of me loves coming up against these interesting blocks. My small mind can struggle, detest and resist them while my big mind observes the reaction and smiles, like a mother watching a beloved child.
Maybe I should play with Pasasana every morning and every evening so that I can make friends with it. No pushing, no anger, no frustration, just play, explore.
Simi’s advice is to start with heels to floor, buttocks sitting heavy on heels, but this is only possible when I’m resting my weight back onto a hand behind me. Pull back pubic bone and inner groins, then slightly lift buttocks up, keeping energy of inner groins pulling back. That’s as far as I go. Twisting is unfathomable. It’s a complex and confusing pose at the moment. But I know with time it will come, slowly, patiently, it will come. It may take years, but I’m in no hurry.
Hamstring Injury
A minor hamstring injury sustained about a year ago has suddenly made a reappearance following a strong Iyengar session on Wednesday night. We were doing Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana in an open doorway, back on one side of the doorway and leg raised up and supported on the other side of the doorway. Added to this was work in Hanumanasana and a series of long deep Dog Pose to Uttanasana repetitions which my body sensed were being held way too long. I knew something was going to give. The original injury last year was from overhold and overextension in Uttanasana. I distinctly remember that class because I had to leave for a 10 day Vipassana retreat the day after. Sitting that Vipassana was a nightmare. The sciatic nerve in my right leg felt like it was on fire for the entire 10 days and there was nowhere to run– the agony was excruciating and I just had to accept it and sit with it.
_______________________________________________________________
Wednesday 20th January
A difficult practice. No juice to fuel it with, no bandhas, and every joint in my body felt like glue. Nothing would open and every stretch tugged at my cemented joints like slowly pulling apart Velcro. So I didn’t push, just accepted that it was going to be “one of those days”. I tried to focus more on keeping the breath flowing a little quicker than my usual pace so that the whole practice wouldn’t last too long. Skipped the dropbacks altogether, but had to attempt Pasasana for the second time (Yes I’ve been avoiding it!)
Ashtanga really highlights the fluctuating state of the physical and emotional body. Of course I’m now trying to analyse why I’m like this today – could be a combination of things: Day 4 of period, new moon tomorrow, cumulative affect or delayed reaction to a slight concussion last weekend (struck in the head with my surfboard fin), maybe eating a late curry for dinner last night. No matter, it shall pass. It’s so easy to get obsessed about it as if this state will last forever. That’s the habit pattern of my mind – tend to think the worst and it really drags me down into a heaviness that I feel in my eyes, a lack of sparkle, a slight broodiness to my disposition. I momentarily forget that essentially we are Light.
_______________________________________________________________
Monday 12th January 2004
Caught a cold from my son a few days ago so I only went to Mysore practice last Monday and Friday and did a shorter practice this morning. I can’t remember having a cold for at least a couple of years. It’s interesting to watch it coming on with such an acute awareness and perception, observing the process of the cold as it manifests and moves through my system, the subtle waning energy in various parts of my body. It’s like watching a beautiful little creature wading through a mini ecosystem under a magnifying glass. I’m watching and feeling the process with great attention, care and love. My body is weakened from the battle with the intruder, but my mind is clear and joyful.
Pasasana Panic
At practice this morning I bound well in Marichyasana D, but Simi was assisting at the other end of the room and didn’t see my victory. I even held it for about 8 breaths in the hope she’d wander back over my way (which she didn’t).
But a funny thing happened…at the end of my practice, she said she was going to give me Pasasana on Wednesday. These teachers have secret eyes in the back of their head.
I really don’t want Pasasana. I know it’s a milestone in your personal Ashtanga history when you finally get given Pasasana. You finally graduate to the second series and join the bigger kids. But I wish it was a more gentle promotion. Having tried this pose a few times I know it brings up some really unpleasant physical and emotional issues deep within my core body and psyche.
I was just getting used to Kindergarten and now I have to grow up. Ashtanga does that to you. You’re not allowed to ever get comfortable.
_______________________________________________________________
Pasasana
This pose pushes every physical and emotional button in my hard drive. Although Simi gave me this first pose in the second series nearly two weeks ago, I’ve been avoiding it. I’ve attempted it only three times since then. And curiously some part of me loves coming up against these interesting blocks. My small mind can struggle, detest and resist them while my big mind observes the reaction and smiles, like a mother watching a beloved child.
Maybe I should play with Pasasana every morning and every evening so that I can make friends with it. No pushing, no anger, no frustration, just play, explore.
Simi’s advice is to start with heels to floor, buttocks sitting heavy on heels, but this is only possible when I’m resting my weight back onto a hand behind me. Pull back pubic bone and inner groins, then slightly lift buttocks up, keeping energy of inner groins pulling back. That’s as far as I go. Twisting is unfathomable. It’s a complex and confusing pose at the moment. But I know with time it will come, slowly, patiently, it will come. It may take years, but I’m in no hurry.
Hamstring Injury
A minor hamstring injury sustained about a year ago has suddenly made a reappearance following a strong Iyengar session on Wednesday night. We were doing Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana in an open doorway, back on one side of the doorway and leg raised up and supported on the other side of the doorway. Added to this was work in Hanumanasana and a series of long deep Dog Pose to Uttanasana repetitions which my body sensed were being held way too long. I knew something was going to give. The original injury last year was from overhold and overextension in Uttanasana. I distinctly remember that class because I had to leave for a 10 day Vipassana retreat the day after. Sitting that Vipassana was a nightmare. The sciatic nerve in my right leg felt like it was on fire for the entire 10 days and there was nowhere to run– the agony was excruciating and I just had to accept it and sit with it.
_______________________________________________________________
Wednesday 20th January
A difficult practice. No juice to fuel it with, no bandhas, and every joint in my body felt like glue. Nothing would open and every stretch tugged at my cemented joints like slowly pulling apart Velcro. So I didn’t push, just accepted that it was going to be “one of those days”. I tried to focus more on keeping the breath flowing a little quicker than my usual pace so that the whole practice wouldn’t last too long. Skipped the dropbacks altogether, but had to attempt Pasasana for the second time (Yes I’ve been avoiding it!)
Ashtanga really highlights the fluctuating state of the physical and emotional body. Of course I’m now trying to analyse why I’m like this today – could be a combination of things: Day 4 of period, new moon tomorrow, cumulative affect or delayed reaction to a slight concussion last weekend (struck in the head with my surfboard fin), maybe eating a late curry for dinner last night. No matter, it shall pass. It’s so easy to get obsessed about it as if this state will last forever. That’s the habit pattern of my mind – tend to think the worst and it really drags me down into a heaviness that I feel in my eyes, a lack of sparkle, a slight broodiness to my disposition. I momentarily forget that essentially we are Light.
_______________________________________________________________
Monday 12th January 2004
Caught a cold from my son a few days ago so I only went to Mysore practice last Monday and Friday and did a shorter practice this morning. I can’t remember having a cold for at least a couple of years. It’s interesting to watch it coming on with such an acute awareness and perception, observing the process of the cold as it manifests and moves through my system, the subtle waning energy in various parts of my body. It’s like watching a beautiful little creature wading through a mini ecosystem under a magnifying glass. I’m watching and feeling the process with great attention, care and love. My body is weakened from the battle with the intruder, but my mind is clear and joyful.
Pasasana Panic
At practice this morning I bound well in Marichyasana D, but Simi was assisting at the other end of the room and didn’t see my victory. I even held it for about 8 breaths in the hope she’d wander back over my way (which she didn’t).
But a funny thing happened…at the end of my practice, she said she was going to give me Pasasana on Wednesday. These teachers have secret eyes in the back of their head.
I really don’t want Pasasana. I know it’s a milestone in your personal Ashtanga history when you finally get given Pasasana. You finally graduate to the second series and join the bigger kids. But I wish it was a more gentle promotion. Having tried this pose a few times I know it brings up some really unpleasant physical and emotional issues deep within my core body and psyche.
I was just getting used to Kindergarten and now I have to grow up. Ashtanga does that to you. You’re not allowed to ever get comfortable.
_______________________________________________________________
Thursday 1st January 2004 - New Years Morning
New Year’s morning, 6am and I was at the shala for a self-practice along with about five others. Practicing that morning was a sort of symbolic gesture of my devotion to something much more eternal than parties and fireworks. I’d been looking forward to that practice because I knew it would be special, being New Year’s Day, a new start, new inspiration, the promise of unlimited possibilities which could unfold this year. The practice was imbued with a sacred quality, not unlike taking marriage vows; I think any expression of commitment that truly comes from the depths of your heart has a very powerful energy behind it and the act of a ritual can seal in and protect that commitment, firmly imprinting the impetus of the initial motivation on our hearts.
And so the New Year began…
Monday 5th January 2004
Back at work today after a two week break spent quietly engrossed in my yoga practice. Revisited the Hatha Yoga Pradipika and enjoyed a much deeper understanding and appreciation for it this time around. It’s nice to be feeling this longing for the deeper inner practices that can accelerate the beautiful journey towards my center where the Truth resides. The Truth seems to sit there waiting patiently to be discovered. But we have to weave our way around the obstacles, peel away the layers that have kept us in the dark and prevented us from seeing It. The information, the maps, the steps on the path have been laid out by many; they’re all out there for us and when we’re ready, we find them. The Pradipika is just one text of many that can help in the gradual process of purification. So many people travel through life with the mistaken belief that there is no meaning or purpose for our existence. All the answers are available and it’s the greatest irony, a sort of cosmic joke, that we have all the answers inside of us. Spiritual practice should clear away the obstacles so we can establish a direct line to the Source.
These last two weeks have been great. Surprisingly I’ve been motivated to practice on my own for a change instead of relying on classes at the shala. Lots of yoga, lots of reading; lots of time for reflection. The result??? Working five days a week suddenly began to feel oppressive.
So…I returned to work today with the intention of giving notice of my resignation, fully aware of the financial consequences and fully prepared to throw all caution to the wind to follow my spiritual heart.
Poor Roger (my boss) was just a little shocked to say the least. He sussed out my reasoning: the need to create more time and space for my spiritual practice and yoga teaching. As a fellow yogi/mystic he understood this and came up with a perfect solution – part time work; enough to free up some extra time, but enough to live on in addition to what I earn teaching yoga. The universe obviously had it all planned. Thank you Lord! The divine intelligence that is constantly manifesting what we each need for self-realisation and divine expression is nothing short of awesome…just got to trust it.
Mysore practice
This morning’s practice had a light-hearted feeling to it but not in a superficial way. Rather a mental ease was being expressed through an effortless practice, no struggle despite the predictable rocky landmark poses that arise and pass over the course of two hours:
That old nemesis, Marichyasana D – The last couple of practices, I’ve JUST been able to bind for a split second before my front shoulder slips over my knee. But it’s coming.
Garbha Pindasana rolls continue to fill me with dread. Within the microspace of two slow motion seconds, all my internal power and confidence drained out some invisible plughole as I deteriorated helplessly into a couple of useless rolls.
But a couple of nice things happened this morning:
I managed a perfectly posed handstand after Virabhadrasana 2 and floated with a fair degree of control into Chaturanga. My body’s beginning to understand the mechanics of this one. Eureka…no more bruised and broken toes!
Supta Kurmasana – that other nemesis – Andrew helped place my crossed feet behind my head and then somehow I lifted up and untangled out to Tittibhasana. I’m not sure if Andrew helped me lift up or whether I did it myself – the thrill of getting my feet crossed behind my head sort of sent my brain into an ecstatic fog.
For the first time I did assisted dropbacks onto my head (arms crossed), then the 5 dropbacks (arms still crossed) to halfway only. After this, about 8 smooth assisted full dropbacks with the breath.
I treated myself to a longer Sirsasana this morning. Even though the latest version of Ashtanga rules permits only 25 breaths, lately I've been staying and exploring it for a bit longer. I know I’m taking the liberty of breaking the rules here (and only here), but a secret delight comes from making it MY practice. Three hours is the goal, fourteen minutes my record, probably did five minutes this morning...! Unfortunately I lose count of the breaths when I focus on the flow of prana generated by mulabandha in Sirsasana. I get so engrossed in this process of fully marinating myself in the energetics of the pose. When mind, breath and body amalgamate here I metamorphose into a luscious, pulsating upside down glow worm.
New Year’s morning, 6am and I was at the shala for a self-practice along with about five others. Practicing that morning was a sort of symbolic gesture of my devotion to something much more eternal than parties and fireworks. I’d been looking forward to that practice because I knew it would be special, being New Year’s Day, a new start, new inspiration, the promise of unlimited possibilities which could unfold this year. The practice was imbued with a sacred quality, not unlike taking marriage vows; I think any expression of commitment that truly comes from the depths of your heart has a very powerful energy behind it and the act of a ritual can seal in and protect that commitment, firmly imprinting the impetus of the initial motivation on our hearts.
And so the New Year began…
Monday 5th January 2004
Back at work today after a two week break spent quietly engrossed in my yoga practice. Revisited the Hatha Yoga Pradipika and enjoyed a much deeper understanding and appreciation for it this time around. It’s nice to be feeling this longing for the deeper inner practices that can accelerate the beautiful journey towards my center where the Truth resides. The Truth seems to sit there waiting patiently to be discovered. But we have to weave our way around the obstacles, peel away the layers that have kept us in the dark and prevented us from seeing It. The information, the maps, the steps on the path have been laid out by many; they’re all out there for us and when we’re ready, we find them. The Pradipika is just one text of many that can help in the gradual process of purification. So many people travel through life with the mistaken belief that there is no meaning or purpose for our existence. All the answers are available and it’s the greatest irony, a sort of cosmic joke, that we have all the answers inside of us. Spiritual practice should clear away the obstacles so we can establish a direct line to the Source.
These last two weeks have been great. Surprisingly I’ve been motivated to practice on my own for a change instead of relying on classes at the shala. Lots of yoga, lots of reading; lots of time for reflection. The result??? Working five days a week suddenly began to feel oppressive.
So…I returned to work today with the intention of giving notice of my resignation, fully aware of the financial consequences and fully prepared to throw all caution to the wind to follow my spiritual heart.
Poor Roger (my boss) was just a little shocked to say the least. He sussed out my reasoning: the need to create more time and space for my spiritual practice and yoga teaching. As a fellow yogi/mystic he understood this and came up with a perfect solution – part time work; enough to free up some extra time, but enough to live on in addition to what I earn teaching yoga. The universe obviously had it all planned. Thank you Lord! The divine intelligence that is constantly manifesting what we each need for self-realisation and divine expression is nothing short of awesome…just got to trust it.
Mysore practice
This morning’s practice had a light-hearted feeling to it but not in a superficial way. Rather a mental ease was being expressed through an effortless practice, no struggle despite the predictable rocky landmark poses that arise and pass over the course of two hours:
That old nemesis, Marichyasana D – The last couple of practices, I’ve JUST been able to bind for a split second before my front shoulder slips over my knee. But it’s coming.
Garbha Pindasana rolls continue to fill me with dread. Within the microspace of two slow motion seconds, all my internal power and confidence drained out some invisible plughole as I deteriorated helplessly into a couple of useless rolls.
But a couple of nice things happened this morning:
I managed a perfectly posed handstand after Virabhadrasana 2 and floated with a fair degree of control into Chaturanga. My body’s beginning to understand the mechanics of this one. Eureka…no more bruised and broken toes!
Supta Kurmasana – that other nemesis – Andrew helped place my crossed feet behind my head and then somehow I lifted up and untangled out to Tittibhasana. I’m not sure if Andrew helped me lift up or whether I did it myself – the thrill of getting my feet crossed behind my head sort of sent my brain into an ecstatic fog.
For the first time I did assisted dropbacks onto my head (arms crossed), then the 5 dropbacks (arms still crossed) to halfway only. After this, about 8 smooth assisted full dropbacks with the breath.
I treated myself to a longer Sirsasana this morning. Even though the latest version of Ashtanga rules permits only 25 breaths, lately I've been staying and exploring it for a bit longer. I know I’m taking the liberty of breaking the rules here (and only here), but a secret delight comes from making it MY practice. Three hours is the goal, fourteen minutes my record, probably did five minutes this morning...! Unfortunately I lose count of the breaths when I focus on the flow of prana generated by mulabandha in Sirsasana. I get so engrossed in this process of fully marinating myself in the energetics of the pose. When mind, breath and body amalgamate here I metamorphose into a luscious, pulsating upside down glow worm.
