Friday 23rd January
Pasasana
This pose pushes every physical and emotional button in my hard drive. Although Simi gave me this first pose in the second series nearly two weeks ago, I’ve been avoiding it. I’ve attempted it only three times since then. And curiously some part of me loves coming up against these interesting blocks. My small mind can struggle, detest and resist them while my big mind observes the reaction and smiles, like a mother watching a beloved child.
Maybe I should play with Pasasana every morning and every evening so that I can make friends with it. No pushing, no anger, no frustration, just play, explore.
Simi’s advice is to start with heels to floor, buttocks sitting heavy on heels, but this is only possible when I’m resting my weight back onto a hand behind me. Pull back pubic bone and inner groins, then slightly lift buttocks up, keeping energy of inner groins pulling back. That’s as far as I go. Twisting is unfathomable. It’s a complex and confusing pose at the moment. But I know with time it will come, slowly, patiently, it will come. It may take years, but I’m in no hurry.
Hamstring Injury
A minor hamstring injury sustained about a year ago has suddenly made a reappearance following a strong Iyengar session on Wednesday night. We were doing Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana in an open doorway, back on one side of the doorway and leg raised up and supported on the other side of the doorway. Added to this was work in Hanumanasana and a series of long deep Dog Pose to Uttanasana repetitions which my body sensed were being held way too long. I knew something was going to give. The original injury last year was from overhold and overextension in Uttanasana. I distinctly remember that class because I had to leave for a 10 day Vipassana retreat the day after. Sitting that Vipassana was a nightmare. The sciatic nerve in my right leg felt like it was on fire for the entire 10 days and there was nowhere to run– the agony was excruciating and I just had to accept it and sit with it.
_______________________________________________________________
Wednesday 20th January
A difficult practice. No juice to fuel it with, no bandhas, and every joint in my body felt like glue. Nothing would open and every stretch tugged at my cemented joints like slowly pulling apart Velcro. So I didn’t push, just accepted that it was going to be “one of those days”. I tried to focus more on keeping the breath flowing a little quicker than my usual pace so that the whole practice wouldn’t last too long. Skipped the dropbacks altogether, but had to attempt Pasasana for the second time (Yes I’ve been avoiding it!)
Ashtanga really highlights the fluctuating state of the physical and emotional body. Of course I’m now trying to analyse why I’m like this today – could be a combination of things: Day 4 of period, new moon tomorrow, cumulative affect or delayed reaction to a slight concussion last weekend (struck in the head with my surfboard fin), maybe eating a late curry for dinner last night. No matter, it shall pass. It’s so easy to get obsessed about it as if this state will last forever. That’s the habit pattern of my mind – tend to think the worst and it really drags me down into a heaviness that I feel in my eyes, a lack of sparkle, a slight broodiness to my disposition. I momentarily forget that essentially we are Light.
_______________________________________________________________
Monday 12th January 2004
Caught a cold from my son a few days ago so I only went to Mysore practice last Monday and Friday and did a shorter practice this morning. I can’t remember having a cold for at least a couple of years. It’s interesting to watch it coming on with such an acute awareness and perception, observing the process of the cold as it manifests and moves through my system, the subtle waning energy in various parts of my body. It’s like watching a beautiful little creature wading through a mini ecosystem under a magnifying glass. I’m watching and feeling the process with great attention, care and love. My body is weakened from the battle with the intruder, but my mind is clear and joyful.
Pasasana Panic
At practice this morning I bound well in Marichyasana D, but Simi was assisting at the other end of the room and didn’t see my victory. I even held it for about 8 breaths in the hope she’d wander back over my way (which she didn’t).
But a funny thing happened…at the end of my practice, she said she was going to give me Pasasana on Wednesday. These teachers have secret eyes in the back of their head.
I really don’t want Pasasana. I know it’s a milestone in your personal Ashtanga history when you finally get given Pasasana. You finally graduate to the second series and join the bigger kids. But I wish it was a more gentle promotion. Having tried this pose a few times I know it brings up some really unpleasant physical and emotional issues deep within my core body and psyche.
I was just getting used to Kindergarten and now I have to grow up. Ashtanga does that to you. You’re not allowed to ever get comfortable.
_______________________________________________________________
Pasasana
This pose pushes every physical and emotional button in my hard drive. Although Simi gave me this first pose in the second series nearly two weeks ago, I’ve been avoiding it. I’ve attempted it only three times since then. And curiously some part of me loves coming up against these interesting blocks. My small mind can struggle, detest and resist them while my big mind observes the reaction and smiles, like a mother watching a beloved child.
Maybe I should play with Pasasana every morning and every evening so that I can make friends with it. No pushing, no anger, no frustration, just play, explore.
Simi’s advice is to start with heels to floor, buttocks sitting heavy on heels, but this is only possible when I’m resting my weight back onto a hand behind me. Pull back pubic bone and inner groins, then slightly lift buttocks up, keeping energy of inner groins pulling back. That’s as far as I go. Twisting is unfathomable. It’s a complex and confusing pose at the moment. But I know with time it will come, slowly, patiently, it will come. It may take years, but I’m in no hurry.
Hamstring Injury
A minor hamstring injury sustained about a year ago has suddenly made a reappearance following a strong Iyengar session on Wednesday night. We were doing Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana in an open doorway, back on one side of the doorway and leg raised up and supported on the other side of the doorway. Added to this was work in Hanumanasana and a series of long deep Dog Pose to Uttanasana repetitions which my body sensed were being held way too long. I knew something was going to give. The original injury last year was from overhold and overextension in Uttanasana. I distinctly remember that class because I had to leave for a 10 day Vipassana retreat the day after. Sitting that Vipassana was a nightmare. The sciatic nerve in my right leg felt like it was on fire for the entire 10 days and there was nowhere to run– the agony was excruciating and I just had to accept it and sit with it.
_______________________________________________________________
Wednesday 20th January
A difficult practice. No juice to fuel it with, no bandhas, and every joint in my body felt like glue. Nothing would open and every stretch tugged at my cemented joints like slowly pulling apart Velcro. So I didn’t push, just accepted that it was going to be “one of those days”. I tried to focus more on keeping the breath flowing a little quicker than my usual pace so that the whole practice wouldn’t last too long. Skipped the dropbacks altogether, but had to attempt Pasasana for the second time (Yes I’ve been avoiding it!)
Ashtanga really highlights the fluctuating state of the physical and emotional body. Of course I’m now trying to analyse why I’m like this today – could be a combination of things: Day 4 of period, new moon tomorrow, cumulative affect or delayed reaction to a slight concussion last weekend (struck in the head with my surfboard fin), maybe eating a late curry for dinner last night. No matter, it shall pass. It’s so easy to get obsessed about it as if this state will last forever. That’s the habit pattern of my mind – tend to think the worst and it really drags me down into a heaviness that I feel in my eyes, a lack of sparkle, a slight broodiness to my disposition. I momentarily forget that essentially we are Light.
_______________________________________________________________
Monday 12th January 2004
Caught a cold from my son a few days ago so I only went to Mysore practice last Monday and Friday and did a shorter practice this morning. I can’t remember having a cold for at least a couple of years. It’s interesting to watch it coming on with such an acute awareness and perception, observing the process of the cold as it manifests and moves through my system, the subtle waning energy in various parts of my body. It’s like watching a beautiful little creature wading through a mini ecosystem under a magnifying glass. I’m watching and feeling the process with great attention, care and love. My body is weakened from the battle with the intruder, but my mind is clear and joyful.
Pasasana Panic
At practice this morning I bound well in Marichyasana D, but Simi was assisting at the other end of the room and didn’t see my victory. I even held it for about 8 breaths in the hope she’d wander back over my way (which she didn’t).
But a funny thing happened…at the end of my practice, she said she was going to give me Pasasana on Wednesday. These teachers have secret eyes in the back of their head.
I really don’t want Pasasana. I know it’s a milestone in your personal Ashtanga history when you finally get given Pasasana. You finally graduate to the second series and join the bigger kids. But I wish it was a more gentle promotion. Having tried this pose a few times I know it brings up some really unpleasant physical and emotional issues deep within my core body and psyche.
I was just getting used to Kindergarten and now I have to grow up. Ashtanga does that to you. You’re not allowed to ever get comfortable.
_______________________________________________________________
