One of Renate's yoga inspired sculptures carved in limestone.
Friday 27th August 2004
Darren’s Class
Darren’s led class was very solid this morning – he doesn’t stray much away from the “Darren formula”. A few warm ups including Urdhva Prasaritta Ekapadasana, then to the wall for Utthita Padangusthasana. Then a good set of Handstands to the wall before practicing free balancing which I COULD NOT nail at all today. Just couldn’t find that elusive point of balance where you’re lined up in perfect accord with gravity, bone on bone. My body’s valiantly fighting this head cold so I’m feeling like a bit of a thickhead and obviously devoid of the mind-body clarity and precision needed for fine balancing. So Pincha Mayurasana was a mess too. I made it up nicely but then tipped over into an unxpected backbend – TWICE. Chose at that point to give up, and humbly curled up into Balasana until the others came down. My mat was right next to Darren’s so I felt a bit embarrassed at my ineptitude – sniffelled a few times so he could hear I had a cold and a poor excuse.
After inversions, it was into the standard standing poses then Supta Padangusthasana, and some Padmasana work laying on our backs. A nice addition here was laying on our backs and pulling legs into Padmasana, undoing legs and refolding in opposite Padmasana, then repeating the unfolding and refolding about 4 times without pausing in the pose. The knee stiffness I felt in the first set gave way to fast, fluid fold-ins at the end. Then it was the obligatory mid class Sirsasana, 9 minutes today including leg variations of Konasana, Baddha Konasana, Eka Pada, Parivritta Eka Pada and Padmasana.
On to backbends, starting with a very long supported Setu Bandha, with one and a half blocks (one vertical, one horizontal) under the sacrum, legs straight and feet to the wall, then Eka Pada Setu Bandha, then we pressed up to Urdhva Dhanurasana a few times, lowering back down to the block. Moved to the wall for Urdhva D with hands on blocks, Viparitta Dandasana with elbows to the blocks, Eka Pada Urdhva D, then walked hands up the wall from Urdhva D to standing and back down again a few times. Preparation for a few Standing Dropbacks in the centre of the room. I felt particularly tight through the front hips today so I was very cautious dropping back, trying to really curve my upper spine in deep and lift up up out of the pelvis. When I put my fingers on the muscles at the top of the groins, they felt really hard and compacted despite doing daily dropbacks this week – go figure.
After what felt like a massive backbending session, we went straight to Hanumanasana, 3 times on both sides. You’d think it would have gotten easier each time but it didn’t (I just realised today that this is a 3rd series pose in the Ashtanga system).
Finished with the usual Ardha Halasana over a chair (some use the bench) and I think I might have fallen unconscious – my mind cut loose and went AWOL. When Darren’s little timer went off I was yanked back into the present. No idea where I’d been for the last 7 minutes.
Kosta and I are going to do our first Saturday morning practice in the studio tomorrow. We’ve invited Rebecca so that it can double as a “teacher’s practice” but Bec’s having a bad knee week and said her yoga practice at the moment consists of simply trying to walk without pain! The rest of the weekend I’ll have to devote to catching up on my Anatomy and Physiology assignments. Full moon day next Monday which means my heroic plan to go back to Mysore class with David is postponed. So all being well it’ll be a four day Ashtanga week next week, and maybe five the week after. Baby steps…always baby steps.
Reflections
I had a thought provoking conversation with a work colleague today. She was telling me how a couple of years ago, she made a poster for her bedroom and stuck onto it lots of cutout pictures of things she liked or wanted in her life– a kind of visual wish list. It had some magazine pictures of a house she liked, clothes, a dog, and she even stuck on the logo of the art school where I work because back then, before she came to work for us, she was doing a drawing subject here.
Every now and then it’s hit her out of the blue that one by one, the things in the poster have manifested into her life.
The front of the house she’s currently renting looks almost exactly the same as the house in the poster; she’s inherited her grandmother’s little dog which she adored – same as the one in the poster; she now has a full time job she loves in a place that she loves after putting the logo up on the poster, etc etc. (she’s waiting for Brad Pitt now)
So it’s been interesting to ponder whether
a) once we consciously determine what it is we desire, can the power created by crystallizing then externalizing that thought be strong enough to magnetise the desired object/situation into our life,
or whether
b) our past, present and future are not really separated by time, and hidden in our subconscious is a holistic knowledge of our future. Perhaps when making the poster she was tapping into that invisible realm where we know everything, where time is not linear, where we are connected to all that is, was and will be.
Even more interesting was when I started playing with the idea of making my own wish poster…and I couldn’t think of ONE thing to put onto it.
It was quite extraordinary to realize that I have no desires; no desire to travel, to be somewhere else, no ambitions or plans, and the very little I have in my life is more than enough for my happiness.
Over the past few years my attitude to life has become more simple, joyful, peaceful, and happy with whatever is. But it’s not a passive acceptance of life– it’s an active involvement. It seems to me that in not wanting, not striving, not trying to manipulate life according to false desires, all you need for your wellbeing and personal growth is laid at your feet. I guess that’s why the spiritual practices of all traditions teach non-attachment and faith. When we truly cultivate these, the loving universe provides it all.
In asana practice, the forward bends can be invaluable for teaching us this lesson. I taught a Level 1 class last night with a focus on forward bends and ahimsa (non-violence), not pushing and pulling to get there, but just creating the correct foundation and safe space for the opening to happen. Forward bends need patience and surrender…a bit like growing a flower or plant...you can’t pull it up to make it grow faster, just provide nourishing soil, water, light and love then surrender control, sit back and watch it open up to life in its own perfect time. I hope they got the gist of the metaphor.
(by the way I had a pretty funny moment in that class when I was demonstrating some of the finer points of Uttanasana and got a full on nosebleed).
______________________________________________________________________________
Darren’s Class
Darren’s led class was very solid this morning – he doesn’t stray much away from the “Darren formula”. A few warm ups including Urdhva Prasaritta Ekapadasana, then to the wall for Utthita Padangusthasana. Then a good set of Handstands to the wall before practicing free balancing which I COULD NOT nail at all today. Just couldn’t find that elusive point of balance where you’re lined up in perfect accord with gravity, bone on bone. My body’s valiantly fighting this head cold so I’m feeling like a bit of a thickhead and obviously devoid of the mind-body clarity and precision needed for fine balancing. So Pincha Mayurasana was a mess too. I made it up nicely but then tipped over into an unxpected backbend – TWICE. Chose at that point to give up, and humbly curled up into Balasana until the others came down. My mat was right next to Darren’s so I felt a bit embarrassed at my ineptitude – sniffelled a few times so he could hear I had a cold and a poor excuse.
After inversions, it was into the standard standing poses then Supta Padangusthasana, and some Padmasana work laying on our backs. A nice addition here was laying on our backs and pulling legs into Padmasana, undoing legs and refolding in opposite Padmasana, then repeating the unfolding and refolding about 4 times without pausing in the pose. The knee stiffness I felt in the first set gave way to fast, fluid fold-ins at the end. Then it was the obligatory mid class Sirsasana, 9 minutes today including leg variations of Konasana, Baddha Konasana, Eka Pada, Parivritta Eka Pada and Padmasana.
On to backbends, starting with a very long supported Setu Bandha, with one and a half blocks (one vertical, one horizontal) under the sacrum, legs straight and feet to the wall, then Eka Pada Setu Bandha, then we pressed up to Urdhva Dhanurasana a few times, lowering back down to the block. Moved to the wall for Urdhva D with hands on blocks, Viparitta Dandasana with elbows to the blocks, Eka Pada Urdhva D, then walked hands up the wall from Urdhva D to standing and back down again a few times. Preparation for a few Standing Dropbacks in the centre of the room. I felt particularly tight through the front hips today so I was very cautious dropping back, trying to really curve my upper spine in deep and lift up up out of the pelvis. When I put my fingers on the muscles at the top of the groins, they felt really hard and compacted despite doing daily dropbacks this week – go figure.
After what felt like a massive backbending session, we went straight to Hanumanasana, 3 times on both sides. You’d think it would have gotten easier each time but it didn’t (I just realised today that this is a 3rd series pose in the Ashtanga system).
Finished with the usual Ardha Halasana over a chair (some use the bench) and I think I might have fallen unconscious – my mind cut loose and went AWOL. When Darren’s little timer went off I was yanked back into the present. No idea where I’d been for the last 7 minutes.
Kosta and I are going to do our first Saturday morning practice in the studio tomorrow. We’ve invited Rebecca so that it can double as a “teacher’s practice” but Bec’s having a bad knee week and said her yoga practice at the moment consists of simply trying to walk without pain! The rest of the weekend I’ll have to devote to catching up on my Anatomy and Physiology assignments. Full moon day next Monday which means my heroic plan to go back to Mysore class with David is postponed. So all being well it’ll be a four day Ashtanga week next week, and maybe five the week after. Baby steps…always baby steps.
Reflections
I had a thought provoking conversation with a work colleague today. She was telling me how a couple of years ago, she made a poster for her bedroom and stuck onto it lots of cutout pictures of things she liked or wanted in her life– a kind of visual wish list. It had some magazine pictures of a house she liked, clothes, a dog, and she even stuck on the logo of the art school where I work because back then, before she came to work for us, she was doing a drawing subject here.
Every now and then it’s hit her out of the blue that one by one, the things in the poster have manifested into her life.
The front of the house she’s currently renting looks almost exactly the same as the house in the poster; she’s inherited her grandmother’s little dog which she adored – same as the one in the poster; she now has a full time job she loves in a place that she loves after putting the logo up on the poster, etc etc. (she’s waiting for Brad Pitt now)
So it’s been interesting to ponder whether
a) once we consciously determine what it is we desire, can the power created by crystallizing then externalizing that thought be strong enough to magnetise the desired object/situation into our life,
or whether
b) our past, present and future are not really separated by time, and hidden in our subconscious is a holistic knowledge of our future. Perhaps when making the poster she was tapping into that invisible realm where we know everything, where time is not linear, where we are connected to all that is, was and will be.
Even more interesting was when I started playing with the idea of making my own wish poster…and I couldn’t think of ONE thing to put onto it.
It was quite extraordinary to realize that I have no desires; no desire to travel, to be somewhere else, no ambitions or plans, and the very little I have in my life is more than enough for my happiness.
Over the past few years my attitude to life has become more simple, joyful, peaceful, and happy with whatever is. But it’s not a passive acceptance of life– it’s an active involvement. It seems to me that in not wanting, not striving, not trying to manipulate life according to false desires, all you need for your wellbeing and personal growth is laid at your feet. I guess that’s why the spiritual practices of all traditions teach non-attachment and faith. When we truly cultivate these, the loving universe provides it all.
In asana practice, the forward bends can be invaluable for teaching us this lesson. I taught a Level 1 class last night with a focus on forward bends and ahimsa (non-violence), not pushing and pulling to get there, but just creating the correct foundation and safe space for the opening to happen. Forward bends need patience and surrender…a bit like growing a flower or plant...you can’t pull it up to make it grow faster, just provide nourishing soil, water, light and love then surrender control, sit back and watch it open up to life in its own perfect time. I hope they got the gist of the metaphor.
(by the way I had a pretty funny moment in that class when I was demonstrating some of the finer points of Uttanasana and got a full on nosebleed).
______________________________________________________________________________
Wednesday 25th August 2004
Just me and Angie this morning and because Angie has to leave early on Wednesdays we only went up to Navasana, then did some backbends and the finishing sequence. I could have easily done a full practice but I guess I just don’t like practicing on my own. It would have felt weird to keep going with Angie laying in Savasana.
Didn’t mind cutting it short though. Apart from having this cold, my left eye is bothering me a bit. I woke up yesterday morning and it was fully bloodshot, then it seemed to get worse during the day. There’s an achey pressure behind they eye and it looks totally gross.
I left out Sirsasana today, just being cautious, but Sarvangasana was really interesting. As I held the pose I could really feel the pressure and swelling behind the eye reducing miraculously, as if it was suddenly draining away and becoming clear. Checking in the mirror after practice, it was still as bloodshot as before, but the pressure and aching had disappeared.
These yoga poses that we do are quite amazing. As my practice matures and I become much more sensitive and open to what is occurring in each moment, I can feel the physiological effects of the poses opening, rebalancing and healing my body as I hold them.
Ashtanga Vinyasa is demanding, and the journey is long, but what an absolute joy it is. Discovering the multi layers of our being, from the amazing outer physical body that we’ve been given, through all the layers and sheaths leading in to our highest most magnificent core which is the loving heart of the universe.
Shoulders
My shoulder seems to be improving in some ways but still gives me trouble at night. I can’t sleep comfortably on my side these days because of the pressure on and through the shoulder joint (not to mention the puppy sprawled out on my pillow and over my shoulder). There’s always some shoulder stiffness during practice but enough strength has returned to press from Chaturanga to Upward Dog without whincing. I still struggle to hold my arms up in poses like Utkatasana and Virabhadrasana 1 – can’t hold these with my palms together for more than a couple of seconds without crossing my thumbs. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever been able to do this because I’ve always crossed my thumbs in these poses. In Iyengar classes the hands are usually kept shoulder width apart which is much easier and gives more lift through the front armpit area. Bringing the palms together challenges wide shoulders a lot more, but I haven’t really explored the anatomy of my shoulders enough to work out why.
5 days a week?
Now that I’m not teaching the 7.45am class on Saturdays anymore (only an easy Level 1 class at 10am), Kosta and I have organized to start doing a practice at the Studio early on Saturday mornings. If I can work up the courage to go back to David’s Mysore class on Mondays from next week, that will bring me up to a 5 day a week Ashtanga regimen (plus Darren’s Iyengar class on Fridays). I wonder if I can really do this much. Time will tell.
Best news I’ve had for ages
Glenn Ceresoli’s agreed to do a 6 day workshop here in January. Glenn’s an awesome and powerful teacher, originally trained by Shandor, but unique in his real world application of yoga He often talks about yoga taking us closer to the Truth. His workshops are physically gruelling but very grounding. He takes us deep into poses and makes us watch our mental processes.
My most influential yoga teacher that I stayed with for 5 years (he's now my partner) was also one of Shandor’s apprentices. He and Glenn have a similar authoritative teaching style – you get to work intensely in strong, basic poses, in a way that cuts into your psyche. The real world kind of yoga that makes you look honestly at yourself.
Look forward to it.
___________________________________________________________________________
Tuesday 24th August
First Ashtanga practice since last Thursday – that’s 5 days off.
My schedule over the last two weeks left me physically exhausted because I was teaching quite a few of Rebecca’s classes while she was away at a Donna Farhi teachers workshop in Queensland, in which incidentally they didn’t do much yoga but lots of new age kind of body therapy work which had them all rebirthing (so I definitely WON’T be doing the Donna Farhi workshop here in November). Give me Ashtanga any day.
Anyway, the last two weeks did take it’s toll and consequently I’ve come down with a head cold, my first one in years. Bit of a bugger as I’d just worked up the courage and planned to go back to Mysore classes with David on Monday mornings. As it turned out I woke up thick and foggy headed yesterday, took the recommended dose of suryanamaskars and then just followed my body’s lead into some long slow stretchy poses, gently prying open my tender joints. I wasn’t up to doing a full practice in David’s class yesterday – not only physically, but also emotionally; returning to the shala after an absence of 5 months will take a heady mixture of pluck and humility.
Contrast yesterday with this morning’s practice.
Mind a bit foggy from this headcold, bloodshot eyes, distorted hearing, congested sinuses and yet despite all this I’d built up a good internal focus by the end of the suryanamaskars. From there the entire practice simmered along just under boiling point. I bound in Parivritta Parsvakonasana on both sides without losing my balance but it took an unwavering moment by moment attentiveness to stay strong and grounded.
I’ve stopped doing the 3 point Headstand after Prasaritta Padottanasana A which I did for a while when Angie started practicing with us. I just did it cos she was doing it. But it doesn’t seem to serve any purpose in the middle of the standing poses. I’m not sure why it’s done. (Simi would often take us up slowly into a split leg handstand after Prasaritta A).
Samakonasana and Hanumanasana I’m still doing after Prasaritta D. I know they’re not traditionally part of the sequence unless you follow John Scott’s cheat sheet. Being on the floor, it’s obvious that they interrupt the sequence of the standing poses, but they’re good preps for Utthita Padangusthasana and they’re helping my right hamstring regain its elasticity after its tear last year. Besides, I love Hanumanasana on my good side. I’m getting a really good extension of the rear quad, hips are square, front sitting bone descends breath by breath until it meets the earth, arms and hands stretch longingly upward to the sky, followed by drishti. It’s an extraordinary feeling – so grounded yet joyously uplifting.
But the wind gets blown out of my sails when I hit Supta Kurmasana – I get to this pose and completely deflate – hardly even trying lately. Binding hands is no problem, but my feet are still a few inches away from each other. Back in the good old days, Simi used to get my ankles crossed behind my head. When I think about returning to Mysore classes at the shala with David, I feel a little scared about being adjusted into this pose – not sure if I want to risk injury for a deep opening here and David’s known for his monumental adjustments.
Attempted Pasasana today and just barely bound, then vinyasa’d to a great Krouncasana and finished with a few nice slow dropbacks.
Savasana was a real treat. I love sinking deep into it these days. It sometimes feels like I’m being healed as I lay, grounded and merging into the supporting earth, completely opening up to the universe above. This morning Savasana was long – maybe 15 minutes. Towards the end of it, I felt an all consuming presence enveloping me, a presence that I merged with. There were four of us at practice this morning and I was the first to emerge. I sort of opened my eyes and lay there, wide eyed for a minute, breathing fast, then sat up and felt tears rolling down my cheeks – not emotional tears of sadness or confusion – more a spontaneous response to being overwhelmed by the Divine force. When I feel the presence of God around and within me, it’s too huge, I feel like I’m bursting, the force of Love flowing through me with a power and velocity I cannot comprehend or describe. The after effect was an intense calm, a grounded, silent, internal velocity.
______________________________________________________________________________
Just me and Angie this morning and because Angie has to leave early on Wednesdays we only went up to Navasana, then did some backbends and the finishing sequence. I could have easily done a full practice but I guess I just don’t like practicing on my own. It would have felt weird to keep going with Angie laying in Savasana.
Didn’t mind cutting it short though. Apart from having this cold, my left eye is bothering me a bit. I woke up yesterday morning and it was fully bloodshot, then it seemed to get worse during the day. There’s an achey pressure behind they eye and it looks totally gross.
I left out Sirsasana today, just being cautious, but Sarvangasana was really interesting. As I held the pose I could really feel the pressure and swelling behind the eye reducing miraculously, as if it was suddenly draining away and becoming clear. Checking in the mirror after practice, it was still as bloodshot as before, but the pressure and aching had disappeared.
These yoga poses that we do are quite amazing. As my practice matures and I become much more sensitive and open to what is occurring in each moment, I can feel the physiological effects of the poses opening, rebalancing and healing my body as I hold them.
Ashtanga Vinyasa is demanding, and the journey is long, but what an absolute joy it is. Discovering the multi layers of our being, from the amazing outer physical body that we’ve been given, through all the layers and sheaths leading in to our highest most magnificent core which is the loving heart of the universe.
Shoulders
My shoulder seems to be improving in some ways but still gives me trouble at night. I can’t sleep comfortably on my side these days because of the pressure on and through the shoulder joint (not to mention the puppy sprawled out on my pillow and over my shoulder). There’s always some shoulder stiffness during practice but enough strength has returned to press from Chaturanga to Upward Dog without whincing. I still struggle to hold my arms up in poses like Utkatasana and Virabhadrasana 1 – can’t hold these with my palms together for more than a couple of seconds without crossing my thumbs. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever been able to do this because I’ve always crossed my thumbs in these poses. In Iyengar classes the hands are usually kept shoulder width apart which is much easier and gives more lift through the front armpit area. Bringing the palms together challenges wide shoulders a lot more, but I haven’t really explored the anatomy of my shoulders enough to work out why.
5 days a week?
Now that I’m not teaching the 7.45am class on Saturdays anymore (only an easy Level 1 class at 10am), Kosta and I have organized to start doing a practice at the Studio early on Saturday mornings. If I can work up the courage to go back to David’s Mysore class on Mondays from next week, that will bring me up to a 5 day a week Ashtanga regimen (plus Darren’s Iyengar class on Fridays). I wonder if I can really do this much. Time will tell.
Best news I’ve had for ages
Glenn Ceresoli’s agreed to do a 6 day workshop here in January. Glenn’s an awesome and powerful teacher, originally trained by Shandor, but unique in his real world application of yoga He often talks about yoga taking us closer to the Truth. His workshops are physically gruelling but very grounding. He takes us deep into poses and makes us watch our mental processes.
My most influential yoga teacher that I stayed with for 5 years (he's now my partner) was also one of Shandor’s apprentices. He and Glenn have a similar authoritative teaching style – you get to work intensely in strong, basic poses, in a way that cuts into your psyche. The real world kind of yoga that makes you look honestly at yourself.
Look forward to it.
___________________________________________________________________________
Tuesday 24th August
First Ashtanga practice since last Thursday – that’s 5 days off.
My schedule over the last two weeks left me physically exhausted because I was teaching quite a few of Rebecca’s classes while she was away at a Donna Farhi teachers workshop in Queensland, in which incidentally they didn’t do much yoga but lots of new age kind of body therapy work which had them all rebirthing (so I definitely WON’T be doing the Donna Farhi workshop here in November). Give me Ashtanga any day.
Anyway, the last two weeks did take it’s toll and consequently I’ve come down with a head cold, my first one in years. Bit of a bugger as I’d just worked up the courage and planned to go back to Mysore classes with David on Monday mornings. As it turned out I woke up thick and foggy headed yesterday, took the recommended dose of suryanamaskars and then just followed my body’s lead into some long slow stretchy poses, gently prying open my tender joints. I wasn’t up to doing a full practice in David’s class yesterday – not only physically, but also emotionally; returning to the shala after an absence of 5 months will take a heady mixture of pluck and humility.
Contrast yesterday with this morning’s practice.
Mind a bit foggy from this headcold, bloodshot eyes, distorted hearing, congested sinuses and yet despite all this I’d built up a good internal focus by the end of the suryanamaskars. From there the entire practice simmered along just under boiling point. I bound in Parivritta Parsvakonasana on both sides without losing my balance but it took an unwavering moment by moment attentiveness to stay strong and grounded.
I’ve stopped doing the 3 point Headstand after Prasaritta Padottanasana A which I did for a while when Angie started practicing with us. I just did it cos she was doing it. But it doesn’t seem to serve any purpose in the middle of the standing poses. I’m not sure why it’s done. (Simi would often take us up slowly into a split leg handstand after Prasaritta A).
Samakonasana and Hanumanasana I’m still doing after Prasaritta D. I know they’re not traditionally part of the sequence unless you follow John Scott’s cheat sheet. Being on the floor, it’s obvious that they interrupt the sequence of the standing poses, but they’re good preps for Utthita Padangusthasana and they’re helping my right hamstring regain its elasticity after its tear last year. Besides, I love Hanumanasana on my good side. I’m getting a really good extension of the rear quad, hips are square, front sitting bone descends breath by breath until it meets the earth, arms and hands stretch longingly upward to the sky, followed by drishti. It’s an extraordinary feeling – so grounded yet joyously uplifting.
But the wind gets blown out of my sails when I hit Supta Kurmasana – I get to this pose and completely deflate – hardly even trying lately. Binding hands is no problem, but my feet are still a few inches away from each other. Back in the good old days, Simi used to get my ankles crossed behind my head. When I think about returning to Mysore classes at the shala with David, I feel a little scared about being adjusted into this pose – not sure if I want to risk injury for a deep opening here and David’s known for his monumental adjustments.
Attempted Pasasana today and just barely bound, then vinyasa’d to a great Krouncasana and finished with a few nice slow dropbacks.
Savasana was a real treat. I love sinking deep into it these days. It sometimes feels like I’m being healed as I lay, grounded and merging into the supporting earth, completely opening up to the universe above. This morning Savasana was long – maybe 15 minutes. Towards the end of it, I felt an all consuming presence enveloping me, a presence that I merged with. There were four of us at practice this morning and I was the first to emerge. I sort of opened my eyes and lay there, wide eyed for a minute, breathing fast, then sat up and felt tears rolling down my cheeks – not emotional tears of sadness or confusion – more a spontaneous response to being overwhelmed by the Divine force. When I feel the presence of God around and within me, it’s too huge, I feel like I’m bursting, the force of Love flowing through me with a power and velocity I cannot comprehend or describe. The after effect was an intense calm, a grounded, silent, internal velocity.
______________________________________________________________________________
Renate's amazing works currently showing in the gallery where we practice. Brass pipes and marble drips. Titled "With only the walls for company"
Wednesday 11th August 2004
Last week...my dad died.
Last Friday my partner made a snap decision to move interstate for 4 months to study at Sydney University. He flew out on Monday, started Tuesday.
I'm left here, teaching and practising yoga, working full time, studying, and gently supporting my mum through her grieving.
Life's very FULL...yet s pa c i o u s and quiet - but there's been no time to reflect, absorb and digest the changes, or write.
__________________________________________________________________________________
Last week...my dad died.
Last Friday my partner made a snap decision to move interstate for 4 months to study at Sydney University. He flew out on Monday, started Tuesday.
I'm left here, teaching and practising yoga, working full time, studying, and gently supporting my mum through her grieving.
Life's very FULL...yet s pa c i o u s and quiet - but there's been no time to reflect, absorb and digest the changes, or write.
__________________________________________________________________________________
Friday 30th July 2004
Yoga Teaching
The past week of practice has been overshadowed by a decision I had to make which overtook and obsessed me to the frozen point of indecision. As I agonized over the decision of whether or not to take on another permanent Level 1 yoga class, all other activities this week sort of blurred into non-significance. The decision almost took on life-threatening proportions, and no amount of logical, list the pros and cons rationale was helping. Not sure why it was such a big decision – maybe it signified a committed choice to a path I’ve been side stepping for so long. I don’t commit easily.
It reminds me of a little saying: “Men aren’t really afraid of commitment, they’re just afraid of committing to the wrong person.”
I’m not a man, but I am a Gemini.
Choosing to take on another class feels like an irreversible decision, although in reality I could pull out whenever I wanted. Maybe my reality is different. On an invisible level, taking on this class marks a serious turning point for me…accepting my destiny perhaps…a commitment to a noble life devoted to developing the skills that will help and uplift others. The beautiful grace of the universe has eloquently carved out this pathway for me and I’ve been reluctant to follow it.
When I look back at how I began teaching yoga, it was almost forced upon me by the divine will – there was no denying how opportunities just arose. I’ll never forget finding an envelope containing $500 under my door one day with a card which said “Just for being you”. To this day, I don’t know who did that. But it came at a time when I’d been teaching some yoga to a couple of friends in my lounge room and word had spread and others wanted to come along. I thought about expanding the lounge room session and moving it to the art gallery space where I worked, but I didn’t really have any props and equipment. And presto, $500 under the door. I was stunned and moved to tears; the boss was happy for me to use the space so I bought mats and blankets, had some blocks made and turned a couple of disused futons into lovely bolsters with a roll of curtain material that had been waiting patiently in my laundry for a decade. Over the next year I was able to build up two good classes in the art gallery on Saturdays, gaining experience and confidence in teaching without any pressure, learning as I went.
Then I took a break from teaching for about a year until Rebecca approached me in August last year to teach classes at her studio.
Working at a full time day job does hinder my progress as a teacher, but such is life. I feel honoured and blessed to be able to teach at all, to pass on to others what I have learned, to care for others in their struggle to become more aware and connected to their inner universe.
Along with the decision to take on this class comes the parallel decision to enroll in the Anatomy and Physiology modules of the yoga teacher training course. Committed I now am. So it’s full steam ahead as a teacher with no looking back.
Darren’s Class
Both my shoulders were weak this morning because I taught a class last night focusing on shoulders (funny how we teach what we most need to learn!).
The highlight this morning was working into Kapotasana. We do it first laying back over a chair with a rolled up blanket under the tailbone and feet behind the front rung of the chair. Then we assume Ustrasana close to the wall, and reach back to walk the hands down then up the wall a few times before settling the elbows (almost) to the floor. Darren used me as a model this morning and moved my hands just one inch back and bingo…hands touched toes. Nice surprise. Then we eased out of the deep backbends by doing about six Urdhva Dhanurasanas. Insult to injury really.
My schedule these days:
Monday - work 9-5; teach yoga 7.30-9pm
Tuesday - Ashtanga practice 6-8am; work 9-5
Wednesday - Ashtanga practice 6-8am; work 12-7.30pm
Thursday - Ashtanga practice 6-8am; work 9-5; teach 7.30-9pm
Friday - Darrens class 6-8am; work 9-5
Saturday - Teach 7.45-9.15am and 10-11.30am; Anatomy & Physio course 2-5pm
Sunday - Surfing/bushwalking or occasionally sleeping in/visit parents
And in the cracks between my schedule, I cook my son’s dinner every night, visit my daughter and her new baby at least weekly, visit my parents on Sundays, and try to see my neglected boyfriend whenever I can. Oh, and blogging too.
Just watching the changes, the unfolding of life as I move through it, listening to the silent messages of the universe, seeking out the direction of the flow and surrendering to it. Letting life live me.
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Yoga Teaching
The past week of practice has been overshadowed by a decision I had to make which overtook and obsessed me to the frozen point of indecision. As I agonized over the decision of whether or not to take on another permanent Level 1 yoga class, all other activities this week sort of blurred into non-significance. The decision almost took on life-threatening proportions, and no amount of logical, list the pros and cons rationale was helping. Not sure why it was such a big decision – maybe it signified a committed choice to a path I’ve been side stepping for so long. I don’t commit easily.
It reminds me of a little saying: “Men aren’t really afraid of commitment, they’re just afraid of committing to the wrong person.”
I’m not a man, but I am a Gemini.
Choosing to take on another class feels like an irreversible decision, although in reality I could pull out whenever I wanted. Maybe my reality is different. On an invisible level, taking on this class marks a serious turning point for me…accepting my destiny perhaps…a commitment to a noble life devoted to developing the skills that will help and uplift others. The beautiful grace of the universe has eloquently carved out this pathway for me and I’ve been reluctant to follow it.
When I look back at how I began teaching yoga, it was almost forced upon me by the divine will – there was no denying how opportunities just arose. I’ll never forget finding an envelope containing $500 under my door one day with a card which said “Just for being you”. To this day, I don’t know who did that. But it came at a time when I’d been teaching some yoga to a couple of friends in my lounge room and word had spread and others wanted to come along. I thought about expanding the lounge room session and moving it to the art gallery space where I worked, but I didn’t really have any props and equipment. And presto, $500 under the door. I was stunned and moved to tears; the boss was happy for me to use the space so I bought mats and blankets, had some blocks made and turned a couple of disused futons into lovely bolsters with a roll of curtain material that had been waiting patiently in my laundry for a decade. Over the next year I was able to build up two good classes in the art gallery on Saturdays, gaining experience and confidence in teaching without any pressure, learning as I went.
Then I took a break from teaching for about a year until Rebecca approached me in August last year to teach classes at her studio.
Working at a full time day job does hinder my progress as a teacher, but such is life. I feel honoured and blessed to be able to teach at all, to pass on to others what I have learned, to care for others in their struggle to become more aware and connected to their inner universe.
Along with the decision to take on this class comes the parallel decision to enroll in the Anatomy and Physiology modules of the yoga teacher training course. Committed I now am. So it’s full steam ahead as a teacher with no looking back.
Darren’s Class
Both my shoulders were weak this morning because I taught a class last night focusing on shoulders (funny how we teach what we most need to learn!).
The highlight this morning was working into Kapotasana. We do it first laying back over a chair with a rolled up blanket under the tailbone and feet behind the front rung of the chair. Then we assume Ustrasana close to the wall, and reach back to walk the hands down then up the wall a few times before settling the elbows (almost) to the floor. Darren used me as a model this morning and moved my hands just one inch back and bingo…hands touched toes. Nice surprise. Then we eased out of the deep backbends by doing about six Urdhva Dhanurasanas. Insult to injury really.
My schedule these days:
Monday - work 9-5; teach yoga 7.30-9pm
Tuesday - Ashtanga practice 6-8am; work 9-5
Wednesday - Ashtanga practice 6-8am; work 12-7.30pm
Thursday - Ashtanga practice 6-8am; work 9-5; teach 7.30-9pm
Friday - Darrens class 6-8am; work 9-5
Saturday - Teach 7.45-9.15am and 10-11.30am; Anatomy & Physio course 2-5pm
Sunday - Surfing/bushwalking or occasionally sleeping in/visit parents
And in the cracks between my schedule, I cook my son’s dinner every night, visit my daughter and her new baby at least weekly, visit my parents on Sundays, and try to see my neglected boyfriend whenever I can. Oh, and blogging too.
Just watching the changes, the unfolding of life as I move through it, listening to the silent messages of the universe, seeking out the direction of the flow and surrendering to it. Letting life live me.
____________________________________________________________________________________
