Diary of a yoga nobodhi

Wednesday 25th August 2004

Just me and Angie this morning and because Angie has to leave early on Wednesdays we only went up to Navasana, then did some backbends and the finishing sequence. I could have easily done a full practice but I guess I just don’t like practicing on my own. It would have felt weird to keep going with Angie laying in Savasana.
Didn’t mind cutting it short though. Apart from having this cold, my left eye is bothering me a bit. I woke up yesterday morning and it was fully bloodshot, then it seemed to get worse during the day. There’s an achey pressure behind they eye and it looks totally gross.
I left out Sirsasana today, just being cautious, but Sarvangasana was really interesting. As I held the pose I could really feel the pressure and swelling behind the eye reducing miraculously, as if it was suddenly draining away and becoming clear. Checking in the mirror after practice, it was still as bloodshot as before, but the pressure and aching had disappeared.
These yoga poses that we do are quite amazing. As my practice matures and I become much more sensitive and open to what is occurring in each moment, I can feel the physiological effects of the poses opening, rebalancing and healing my body as I hold them.
Ashtanga Vinyasa is demanding, and the journey is long, but what an absolute joy it is. Discovering the multi layers of our being, from the amazing outer physical body that we’ve been given, through all the layers and sheaths leading in to our highest most magnificent core which is the loving heart of the universe.

Shoulders
My shoulder seems to be improving in some ways but still gives me trouble at night. I can’t sleep comfortably on my side these days because of the pressure on and through the shoulder joint (not to mention the puppy sprawled out on my pillow and over my shoulder). There’s always some shoulder stiffness during practice but enough strength has returned to press from Chaturanga to Upward Dog without whincing. I still struggle to hold my arms up in poses like Utkatasana and Virabhadrasana 1 – can’t hold these with my palms together for more than a couple of seconds without crossing my thumbs. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever been able to do this because I’ve always crossed my thumbs in these poses. In Iyengar classes the hands are usually kept shoulder width apart which is much easier and gives more lift through the front armpit area. Bringing the palms together challenges wide shoulders a lot more, but I haven’t really explored the anatomy of my shoulders enough to work out why.

5 days a week?
Now that I’m not teaching the 7.45am class on Saturdays anymore (only an easy Level 1 class at 10am), Kosta and I have organized to start doing a practice at the Studio early on Saturday mornings. If I can work up the courage to go back to David’s Mysore class on Mondays from next week, that will bring me up to a 5 day a week Ashtanga regimen (plus Darren’s Iyengar class on Fridays). I wonder if I can really do this much. Time will tell.

Best news I’ve had for ages
Glenn Ceresoli’s agreed to do a 6 day workshop here in January. Glenn’s an awesome and powerful teacher, originally trained by Shandor, but unique in his real world application of yoga He often talks about yoga taking us closer to the Truth. His workshops are physically gruelling but very grounding. He takes us deep into poses and makes us watch our mental processes.
My most influential yoga teacher that I stayed with for 5 years (he's now my partner) was also one of Shandor’s apprentices. He and Glenn have a similar authoritative teaching style – you get to work intensely in strong, basic poses, in a way that cuts into your psyche. The real world kind of yoga that makes you look honestly at yourself.
Look forward to it.
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Tuesday 24th August

First Ashtanga practice since last Thursday – that’s 5 days off.
My schedule over the last two weeks left me physically exhausted because I was teaching quite a few of Rebecca’s classes while she was away at a Donna Farhi teachers workshop in Queensland, in which incidentally they didn’t do much yoga but lots of new age kind of body therapy work which had them all rebirthing (so I definitely WON’T be doing the Donna Farhi workshop here in November). Give me Ashtanga any day.

Anyway, the last two weeks did take it’s toll and consequently I’ve come down with a head cold, my first one in years. Bit of a bugger as I’d just worked up the courage and planned to go back to Mysore classes with David on Monday mornings. As it turned out I woke up thick and foggy headed yesterday, took the recommended dose of suryanamaskars and then just followed my body’s lead into some long slow stretchy poses, gently prying open my tender joints. I wasn’t up to doing a full practice in David’s class yesterday – not only physically, but also emotionally; returning to the shala after an absence of 5 months will take a heady mixture of pluck and humility.

Contrast yesterday with this morning’s practice.
Mind a bit foggy from this headcold, bloodshot eyes, distorted hearing, congested sinuses and yet despite all this I’d built up a good internal focus by the end of the suryanamaskars. From there the entire practice simmered along just under boiling point. I bound in Parivritta Parsvakonasana on both sides without losing my balance but it took an unwavering moment by moment attentiveness to stay strong and grounded.

I’ve stopped doing the 3 point Headstand after Prasaritta Padottanasana A which I did for a while when Angie started practicing with us. I just did it cos she was doing it. But it doesn’t seem to serve any purpose in the middle of the standing poses. I’m not sure why it’s done. (Simi would often take us up slowly into a split leg handstand after Prasaritta A).

Samakonasana and Hanumanasana I’m still doing after Prasaritta D. I know they’re not traditionally part of the sequence unless you follow John Scott’s cheat sheet. Being on the floor, it’s obvious that they interrupt the sequence of the standing poses, but they’re good preps for Utthita Padangusthasana and they’re helping my right hamstring regain its elasticity after its tear last year. Besides, I love Hanumanasana on my good side. I’m getting a really good extension of the rear quad, hips are square, front sitting bone descends breath by breath until it meets the earth, arms and hands stretch longingly upward to the sky, followed by drishti. It’s an extraordinary feeling – so grounded yet joyously uplifting.
But the wind gets blown out of my sails when I hit Supta Kurmasana – I get to this pose and completely deflate – hardly even trying lately. Binding hands is no problem, but my feet are still a few inches away from each other. Back in the good old days, Simi used to get my ankles crossed behind my head. When I think about returning to Mysore classes at the shala with David, I feel a little scared about being adjusted into this pose – not sure if I want to risk injury for a deep opening here and David’s known for his monumental adjustments.

Attempted Pasasana today and just barely bound, then vinyasa’d to a great Krouncasana and finished with a few nice slow dropbacks.

Savasana was a real treat. I love sinking deep into it these days. It sometimes feels like I’m being healed as I lay, grounded and merging into the supporting earth, completely opening up to the universe above. This morning Savasana was long – maybe 15 minutes. Towards the end of it, I felt an all consuming presence enveloping me, a presence that I merged with. There were four of us at practice this morning and I was the first to emerge. I sort of opened my eyes and lay there, wide eyed for a minute, breathing fast, then sat up and felt tears rolling down my cheeks – not emotional tears of sadness or confusion – more a spontaneous response to being overwhelmed by the Divine force. When I feel the presence of God around and within me, it’s too huge, I feel like I’m bursting, the force of Love flowing through me with a power and velocity I cannot comprehend or describe. The after effect was an intense calm, a grounded, silent, internal velocity.

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