Wednesday 8th March 2006
Yet another mediochre practice, barely working up the energy to stay with it all the way through. Wisely chose to put my mat on the other (left) side of the shala this morning, instead of my preferred (right) side. There were about 8 people lined up on the left side and only 2 on the right so I was number 9 in the long row and down by the door, which meant I was tucked away in the corner and no-one was opposite me, thank goodness. I felt a bit underequipped to practice properly today but managed to put in a reasonable effort anyway, only cheating in Garbha Pindasana wrapping my arms around my Padmasana legs instead of through them – really just too fazed out to get up and find the water bottle.
After limping through the practice, a little stiffer than usual, I got a tidal wave of inspiration at the very end just in time for the backbends. Pushed up into 5 increasingly rounder Urdhva Dhanurasanas waiting for David to come and correct me in the finer points. I did 2 more while he wrapped my elbows inwards with his knees and strongly adjusted my thoracic spine at the same time. Then I did another 2 while he adjusted me from the other end, his palm firmly planted up into my sacrum to extend and stretch it longways. Instead of getting weaker and more tired through the shoulders and arms trying to stay up and work in the backbends, I seemed to get more energy the more I did. David helped with three dropbacks, wrapping my shoulders and triceps forward as I lifted my arms up from the starting prayer position, all the while trying to keep that sternum lifted and not losing any of this while I dropped back. I’m sure I could have done a few more.
Odd how the entire practice can feel dull and overcast then suddenly the sun pops out and lights up the body right at the end.
(Note to myself: play with the newly discovered weather metaphor when work is slow)
I think I remembered my “Pay attention and let go” mantra a couple of times during practice this morning….incorporating this is going to take some mental rewiring of my hard drive. I might have to tie a string around my finger.
Anyway I’m having a good time being back in the Ashtanga loop.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Tuesday 7th March 2006
6am yoga practice with Renate in the Gallery today, surrounded by a really impressive new abstract painting exhibition called “The colour of music”.
I’m so lucky to be able to teach yoga and practice in this lovely space, surrounded by the changing artwork. The exhibitions have less impact on me than on Renate. I guess working here every day numbs me a little to all the art that comes and goes and as soon as I hit the mat my antennas are directed inwards so whatever’s on the walls or the floors disappears off my radar. Renate on the other hand is a vibrant artist and sculptor so she engages much more intimately with art than I do. For her, the artwork can be distracting if it’s very good or very bad.
Practice was monotone today – not in a negative sense, but more like the monotone of The Eternal Om. Sort of plugged into another dimension but quietly and intently so. A bit tight and achy in my back from yesterday’s full Primary practice and David and Simi’s adjustments, so my entire body felt restricted by my tender back today.
Managed to get through all the standing poses slowly, methodically and mindfully, then scrapped the vinyasas between seated poses in favour of a quieter experience of them. Stopped at Marichy B, so from there I teased out the limit of today's backbend arch then spent a long, luscious time soaking in all the finishing poses.
Overall, still in physical recovery from yesterdays’ practice but also saving myself for tomorrow’s practice at the shala.
Looks like it could be a week of 5 consecutive morning practices – what a joy, agony and ecstasy.
“Discipline is remembering what you want.”
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Monday 6th March 2006
Rene Descartes didn’t quite finish his sentence.
“I think therefore I am” should read “I think therefore I am confused”
If only I could empty my head of the swirling mass of thoughts and return to that beautiful pristine clear state of emptiness and pure awareness.
With my mum away for three weeks, there’s a new found freedom in having her house all to myself. I’ve taken to meditating before going to bed and what I’ve found is a confusing mess polluting my mind. It will take some time and a renewed commitment to meditation practice to settle the mind down into silence and start building up the store of quietude again.
“Discipline is remembering what you want”.
Mondays
I had such a nice morning...got to the shala at a leisurely 6am for what is usually a 2 hour practice (more about that later), then ambled off afterwards to a cafe on my way home – sitting in cafes is my time out, time for not doing, time to think, reflect, ponder, chill out etc for an hour or so. Then it was back home to do a few odd chores before heading off to start work at 12 o’clock.
Not working on Monday mornings is a very nice way to start the working week and it looks like I’ll be doing the 12 – 7.30pm shift at the art school every Monday this semester. Somehow, knowing that I had the morning off made getting up at 5.15am just so much easier - not the perennial battle that I usually lose.
“Discipline is remembering what you want”
Mind Practice
The renewed meditation practice has made me more aware of what an agitated mind I have at the moment (always a shock). Taking time out to sit and look at the mind is quite a wake up call. I’d forgotten what it looks like in there and I haven’t been looking after it - a bit like getting busy and forgetting to do any housework for a while then suddenly realising that the place is a mess. You’ve been stepping over the same pile of dirty laundry for months without noticing. Then a different vision is sparked, you see the mess, and spend an entire day spring cleaning promising yourself you’ll keep it tidy from that moment on. Time to clean up the mind mess.
And so it was, on the walk to the shala this morning, doing a mental pre-flight check, I accepted that I’d be practising with a messy, scattered mind today. And when the mind is all over the place the prana is also dissipated, which means low focus and low energy.
Despite this, I’d planned to practice with a firm intention this morning, the intention being to “Pay attention…and let go”. Now, these words have been following me around all weekend, haunting me, so I figured I should be taking notice – we so often dismiss these inner messages.
This double mantra contains two important seeds that I really want to plant firmly into the foreground of my practice, which means working a lot more on my mind in my practice.
“Pay attention…and let go” sums up the core work of all spiritual practices for me.
It’s so deceptively simple.
To bring these two concepts into the reality of daily life and incorporate them on all levels – not only on the yoga mat and in meditation, but also in the workplace, when dealing with my son, my daughter, my mother, my boss, when walking, eating, shopping, in fact any activity mystical or mundane - by paying full attention the mind is brought completely into the present moment, imbuing everything as a sacred act; and by letting go, we are relinquishing expectations, the fruits of our actions, and the ego’s need to control.
By being fully present and giving everything our undivided attention the mind/body becomes razor sharp in its sensitivity. During asana practice, being fully present not only helps me to feel out the correct the alignment of my body, but also allows me to dive deeper and deeper into the inner experience of the poses, feeling them from the inside, more fully aware of how I am receiving or resisting them, responding or reacting to them.
Then comes the letting go part - not easy in an Ashtanga vinyasa practice – letting go of the desire to go further in a pose, to get better, to make progress seems almost counter-productive. The intention to let go has to be reaffirmed over and over and also has to be applied to all areas of my daily life, my relationships, my goals, my habits. Only by physically relaxing a muscle can it stretch further, only by letting go of desires will things naturally come to me, only by pulling back can I create the space to go further. It's a Catch 22 contradiction, goes against all that we’ve been brought up to believe. In the higher arena, letting go of all beliefs right down to the belief about the person we think we are, will help to empty us out so that Grace can step in and fill us up. Nobodhi home.
I think the first time I came across this magical combination of paying attention and letting go was in Eric Schiffmann’s book “The Spirit and Practice of Moving into Stillness" where he describes the process of Savasana as “Relax and Feel”. That’s all you need to do, he says, over and over.
You lay down at the end of practice, you relax the body (let go) and you feel what happens as you relax (paying attention). You watch the undoing process as its unfolding in front of your inner eyes.
Same thing in meditation – paying attention is cultivated by watching the breath, observing and staying fully present. Letting go is a natural byproduct, you see the thoughts coming and going, passing over the spacious sky of clear awareness, but you don’t hold onto them.
So this morning on the mat, that’s what I wanted to put into practice, paying attention, staying fully present, letting go of all ambitions, and softening back into the moment to moment experience.
I did manage to remember my intention a few times – and that was good enough. It’s a start. And anyway, I figure that’s why we call it practice. Time on the mat is time to practise this stuff. Just remembering to remember can be most frustrating.
Some physical points from practice
In quite a few of the poses this morning, David had me drop my chin to my chest (a la Jalandara Bandha) then draw the sternum up to the chin, then without losing this lifting action, slowly bring the chin up without dropping the sternum. It was an elusive action to maintain, difficult especially in Urdhva Dhanurasana where I had to keep my elbows bent and wrapped inwards while trying to move the sternum to the chin. This small movement is useful in bringing alive the spine at the base of the neck, another one of my body’s many dead areas. I wonder what area of my mind would open if I were actually able to access and bring this area to life.
Mind and body are reflections of each other. Change one and the other responds accordingly.
On that note, I’m more and more convinced that the aching in my front hips which connects to my lumbar is being aggravated by any and all backbending. The back injury last year which brought on this restriction in the hip/lumbar area, surely has its deep roots planted in my past (emotional trauma/deep samskaras) buried way beneath my conscious awareness. Physical resistance that comes up in the practice is like scum rising to the surface during the process of purification. I wish I could just skim it off the top and throw it down the sink instead of stewing in it.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
Yet another mediochre practice, barely working up the energy to stay with it all the way through. Wisely chose to put my mat on the other (left) side of the shala this morning, instead of my preferred (right) side. There were about 8 people lined up on the left side and only 2 on the right so I was number 9 in the long row and down by the door, which meant I was tucked away in the corner and no-one was opposite me, thank goodness. I felt a bit underequipped to practice properly today but managed to put in a reasonable effort anyway, only cheating in Garbha Pindasana wrapping my arms around my Padmasana legs instead of through them – really just too fazed out to get up and find the water bottle.
After limping through the practice, a little stiffer than usual, I got a tidal wave of inspiration at the very end just in time for the backbends. Pushed up into 5 increasingly rounder Urdhva Dhanurasanas waiting for David to come and correct me in the finer points. I did 2 more while he wrapped my elbows inwards with his knees and strongly adjusted my thoracic spine at the same time. Then I did another 2 while he adjusted me from the other end, his palm firmly planted up into my sacrum to extend and stretch it longways. Instead of getting weaker and more tired through the shoulders and arms trying to stay up and work in the backbends, I seemed to get more energy the more I did. David helped with three dropbacks, wrapping my shoulders and triceps forward as I lifted my arms up from the starting prayer position, all the while trying to keep that sternum lifted and not losing any of this while I dropped back. I’m sure I could have done a few more.
Odd how the entire practice can feel dull and overcast then suddenly the sun pops out and lights up the body right at the end.
(Note to myself: play with the newly discovered weather metaphor when work is slow)
I think I remembered my “Pay attention and let go” mantra a couple of times during practice this morning….incorporating this is going to take some mental rewiring of my hard drive. I might have to tie a string around my finger.
Anyway I’m having a good time being back in the Ashtanga loop.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Tuesday 7th March 2006
6am yoga practice with Renate in the Gallery today, surrounded by a really impressive new abstract painting exhibition called “The colour of music”.
I’m so lucky to be able to teach yoga and practice in this lovely space, surrounded by the changing artwork. The exhibitions have less impact on me than on Renate. I guess working here every day numbs me a little to all the art that comes and goes and as soon as I hit the mat my antennas are directed inwards so whatever’s on the walls or the floors disappears off my radar. Renate on the other hand is a vibrant artist and sculptor so she engages much more intimately with art than I do. For her, the artwork can be distracting if it’s very good or very bad.
Practice was monotone today – not in a negative sense, but more like the monotone of The Eternal Om. Sort of plugged into another dimension but quietly and intently so. A bit tight and achy in my back from yesterday’s full Primary practice and David and Simi’s adjustments, so my entire body felt restricted by my tender back today.
Managed to get through all the standing poses slowly, methodically and mindfully, then scrapped the vinyasas between seated poses in favour of a quieter experience of them. Stopped at Marichy B, so from there I teased out the limit of today's backbend arch then spent a long, luscious time soaking in all the finishing poses.
Overall, still in physical recovery from yesterdays’ practice but also saving myself for tomorrow’s practice at the shala.
Looks like it could be a week of 5 consecutive morning practices – what a joy, agony and ecstasy.
“Discipline is remembering what you want.”
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Monday 6th March 2006
Rene Descartes didn’t quite finish his sentence.
“I think therefore I am” should read “I think therefore I am confused”
If only I could empty my head of the swirling mass of thoughts and return to that beautiful pristine clear state of emptiness and pure awareness.
With my mum away for three weeks, there’s a new found freedom in having her house all to myself. I’ve taken to meditating before going to bed and what I’ve found is a confusing mess polluting my mind. It will take some time and a renewed commitment to meditation practice to settle the mind down into silence and start building up the store of quietude again.
“Discipline is remembering what you want”.
Mondays
I had such a nice morning...got to the shala at a leisurely 6am for what is usually a 2 hour practice (more about that later), then ambled off afterwards to a cafe on my way home – sitting in cafes is my time out, time for not doing, time to think, reflect, ponder, chill out etc for an hour or so. Then it was back home to do a few odd chores before heading off to start work at 12 o’clock.
Not working on Monday mornings is a very nice way to start the working week and it looks like I’ll be doing the 12 – 7.30pm shift at the art school every Monday this semester. Somehow, knowing that I had the morning off made getting up at 5.15am just so much easier - not the perennial battle that I usually lose.
“Discipline is remembering what you want”
Mind Practice
The renewed meditation practice has made me more aware of what an agitated mind I have at the moment (always a shock). Taking time out to sit and look at the mind is quite a wake up call. I’d forgotten what it looks like in there and I haven’t been looking after it - a bit like getting busy and forgetting to do any housework for a while then suddenly realising that the place is a mess. You’ve been stepping over the same pile of dirty laundry for months without noticing. Then a different vision is sparked, you see the mess, and spend an entire day spring cleaning promising yourself you’ll keep it tidy from that moment on. Time to clean up the mind mess.
And so it was, on the walk to the shala this morning, doing a mental pre-flight check, I accepted that I’d be practising with a messy, scattered mind today. And when the mind is all over the place the prana is also dissipated, which means low focus and low energy.
Despite this, I’d planned to practice with a firm intention this morning, the intention being to “Pay attention…and let go”. Now, these words have been following me around all weekend, haunting me, so I figured I should be taking notice – we so often dismiss these inner messages.
This double mantra contains two important seeds that I really want to plant firmly into the foreground of my practice, which means working a lot more on my mind in my practice.
“Pay attention…and let go” sums up the core work of all spiritual practices for me.
It’s so deceptively simple.
To bring these two concepts into the reality of daily life and incorporate them on all levels – not only on the yoga mat and in meditation, but also in the workplace, when dealing with my son, my daughter, my mother, my boss, when walking, eating, shopping, in fact any activity mystical or mundane - by paying full attention the mind is brought completely into the present moment, imbuing everything as a sacred act; and by letting go, we are relinquishing expectations, the fruits of our actions, and the ego’s need to control.
By being fully present and giving everything our undivided attention the mind/body becomes razor sharp in its sensitivity. During asana practice, being fully present not only helps me to feel out the correct the alignment of my body, but also allows me to dive deeper and deeper into the inner experience of the poses, feeling them from the inside, more fully aware of how I am receiving or resisting them, responding or reacting to them.
Then comes the letting go part - not easy in an Ashtanga vinyasa practice – letting go of the desire to go further in a pose, to get better, to make progress seems almost counter-productive. The intention to let go has to be reaffirmed over and over and also has to be applied to all areas of my daily life, my relationships, my goals, my habits. Only by physically relaxing a muscle can it stretch further, only by letting go of desires will things naturally come to me, only by pulling back can I create the space to go further. It's a Catch 22 contradiction, goes against all that we’ve been brought up to believe. In the higher arena, letting go of all beliefs right down to the belief about the person we think we are, will help to empty us out so that Grace can step in and fill us up. Nobodhi home.
I think the first time I came across this magical combination of paying attention and letting go was in Eric Schiffmann’s book “The Spirit and Practice of Moving into Stillness" where he describes the process of Savasana as “Relax and Feel”. That’s all you need to do, he says, over and over.
You lay down at the end of practice, you relax the body (let go) and you feel what happens as you relax (paying attention). You watch the undoing process as its unfolding in front of your inner eyes.
Same thing in meditation – paying attention is cultivated by watching the breath, observing and staying fully present. Letting go is a natural byproduct, you see the thoughts coming and going, passing over the spacious sky of clear awareness, but you don’t hold onto them.
So this morning on the mat, that’s what I wanted to put into practice, paying attention, staying fully present, letting go of all ambitions, and softening back into the moment to moment experience.
I did manage to remember my intention a few times – and that was good enough. It’s a start. And anyway, I figure that’s why we call it practice. Time on the mat is time to practise this stuff. Just remembering to remember can be most frustrating.
Some physical points from practice
In quite a few of the poses this morning, David had me drop my chin to my chest (a la Jalandara Bandha) then draw the sternum up to the chin, then without losing this lifting action, slowly bring the chin up without dropping the sternum. It was an elusive action to maintain, difficult especially in Urdhva Dhanurasana where I had to keep my elbows bent and wrapped inwards while trying to move the sternum to the chin. This small movement is useful in bringing alive the spine at the base of the neck, another one of my body’s many dead areas. I wonder what area of my mind would open if I were actually able to access and bring this area to life.
Mind and body are reflections of each other. Change one and the other responds accordingly.
On that note, I’m more and more convinced that the aching in my front hips which connects to my lumbar is being aggravated by any and all backbending. The back injury last year which brought on this restriction in the hip/lumbar area, surely has its deep roots planted in my past (emotional trauma/deep samskaras) buried way beneath my conscious awareness. Physical resistance that comes up in the practice is like scum rising to the surface during the process of purification. I wish I could just skim it off the top and throw it down the sink instead of stewing in it.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
