Friday 30th December 2005
Practice
I slept in a bit this morning, indulging fully in holiday mode. Drifted out of bed and into a large creamy espresso and deliciously decadent chocolate croissant, then wandered to the local shops and back again. Shall I practise now? Hmmm. Practicing after having coffee and breakfast just didn't seem right. I went through all the reasons why I should, and all the reasons not to.
When this now familiar dialogue arises, it signals an underlying stubborn resistance to practice, and usually I give in to it. Neither guilt nor discipline are ever strong enough to override the “I don’t want to practice” tantrum.
But this morning some mysterious breeze just blew me onto the mat. I was almost astonished to find myself there. After stretching out my unsuspecting bod in Dog Pose I began the Surja Namaskars.
Three hours later I emerged from the most beautiful practise I’ve ever experienced.
Three hours!!!
Never in my yoga history have I done more than a two hour practise.
But this practise was an episode straight out of Alice in Wonderland. I was falling down an endless rabbit hole colliding with strange and wonderful things on the way.
Curiouser and curiouser.
Every pose spoke to me. Every pose had my full attention. I listened, responded, conversed, discovered, understood. There was so much magic happening. It was a mythical journey into a timeless land.
On a couple of occasions, I considered stopping when the intensity of my engagement threatened to burn me out early, but something overrode the suggestion to stop. I re-established my calm intention and dived back into the rabbit hole.
Highlights along the way were unexpected: bound both sides in a deep Marichyasana D, almost to the point of both buttocks fully grounded.
A strong Kurmasana, heels off the floor, legs and spine fully extended and activated, and a feeling that my front body had been slit open and butterflied from throat to pubis.
Then Supta Kurmasana – an unbelievable breakthrough. Not only did I bind hands again at last, but I got my toes and then my heels together. And this, the pose that damaged my back, the pose that hurt me, the pose that traumatised my lower back and hips and has continuously sent shock waves of fear through my cells, the pose that I’ve assiduously avoided for over 6 months now. When my toes touched I looked up at them, totally astonished. Could this be happening? I found I could wiggle them even closer together and then I almost crossed my ankles! I tucked my head back under and snuggled into a long stay in the pose, sooo happy to be there, breathing, changing. I could feel the metamorphosis inside the coccoon.
And my jump throughs – where did I suddenly get the gift of flight from?
Me – who’s always jumped from Dog Pose to a cross legged bum on the floor position before extending my legs to Dandasana.
Today my rear floated skywards then I gracefully swung my legs through my arms like a pendulum, fully extending the legs in front before gently landing my tail section down. And I did this on EVERY vinyasa! Where did this new body come from?
Now I must admit to half-heartedly practising Lolasana a couple of times (or is that Tolasana?)this week but I haven’t been able to lift off. Knees come up but feet don’t follow.
And even the jumpbacks suddenly started to come, although they're clumsy still. But hell, just the fact that I tried to do them properly on EVERY vinyasa was groundbreaking.
This was not an ordinary practise this was extraordinary.
I was so engrossed and connected with what I was doing; my mind was serene and peaceful. My heart felt rested and loving, imbued with a softness which somehow softened my body.
This was not a physical yoga practice despite being more rigorous than ever before. Yoga practise is changing for me, transcending the physical and moving into the mystical.
These poses are just awesome and I think they transform us quite surreptitiously with their magic. When I look at practitioners, teachers and students, some who practice quite regularly and others who might only practice a couple of times a week, I can see the difference it has made to them. Even just the occasional yoga changes us.
I’ve sensed the cellular structure of my body becoming more infused with light over the last couple of years. This is gradually becoming a body of light, immune to sickness, immune to negative external forces, protected, radiant.
The purpose of these asanas might actually be to prepare our body and mind for the flood of divine energy that comes with enlightenment.
Holidays
I’ve been housesitting my partner's place by the beach for just over a week while he's away. Enjoying my solitude, meditating daily, wandering, napping, and feeling genuinely at peace with this leisurely life. Could very easily get used to this. My normally hectic weekly schedule of full time work plus practice plus preparing evening meals plus teaching yoga plus surfing and bushwalking plus squeezing in time with partner, children, grandchildren, friends, aging mum etc – well I do my best to do it all.
But for these two weeks, I’m out of range, offline, AWOL and blissfully solitary. I’m in heaven.
This morning I guess I was practising in heaven.
After holidays
Well it’s a new year tomorrow and it certainly marks a new phase in my life.
After I've finished Glenn Ceresoli’s yoga workshop (January 9 – 13), I’ll be moving away from home and away from my son who’s 24 and has always lived with me. (My daughter has her own home with her partner and their daughter). My son will remain at home and begin forging an independent life, finally learning how to cook, shop and clean for himself. It’s a gentle transition for him into an independent adult life – he still has the comforts of home around him while exploring what it will take to support himself.
My plans are to move to my Mum’s place by the beach for now, which will give him the physical and emotional space to blossom as a man.
That’s as far as the plan goes. I’m quite excited.
So is my Mum, bless her heart.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Practice
I slept in a bit this morning, indulging fully in holiday mode. Drifted out of bed and into a large creamy espresso and deliciously decadent chocolate croissant, then wandered to the local shops and back again. Shall I practise now? Hmmm. Practicing after having coffee and breakfast just didn't seem right. I went through all the reasons why I should, and all the reasons not to.
When this now familiar dialogue arises, it signals an underlying stubborn resistance to practice, and usually I give in to it. Neither guilt nor discipline are ever strong enough to override the “I don’t want to practice” tantrum.
But this morning some mysterious breeze just blew me onto the mat. I was almost astonished to find myself there. After stretching out my unsuspecting bod in Dog Pose I began the Surja Namaskars.
Three hours later I emerged from the most beautiful practise I’ve ever experienced.
Three hours!!!
Never in my yoga history have I done more than a two hour practise.
But this practise was an episode straight out of Alice in Wonderland. I was falling down an endless rabbit hole colliding with strange and wonderful things on the way.
Curiouser and curiouser.
Every pose spoke to me. Every pose had my full attention. I listened, responded, conversed, discovered, understood. There was so much magic happening. It was a mythical journey into a timeless land.
On a couple of occasions, I considered stopping when the intensity of my engagement threatened to burn me out early, but something overrode the suggestion to stop. I re-established my calm intention and dived back into the rabbit hole.
Highlights along the way were unexpected: bound both sides in a deep Marichyasana D, almost to the point of both buttocks fully grounded.
A strong Kurmasana, heels off the floor, legs and spine fully extended and activated, and a feeling that my front body had been slit open and butterflied from throat to pubis.
Then Supta Kurmasana – an unbelievable breakthrough. Not only did I bind hands again at last, but I got my toes and then my heels together. And this, the pose that damaged my back, the pose that hurt me, the pose that traumatised my lower back and hips and has continuously sent shock waves of fear through my cells, the pose that I’ve assiduously avoided for over 6 months now. When my toes touched I looked up at them, totally astonished. Could this be happening? I found I could wiggle them even closer together and then I almost crossed my ankles! I tucked my head back under and snuggled into a long stay in the pose, sooo happy to be there, breathing, changing. I could feel the metamorphosis inside the coccoon.
And my jump throughs – where did I suddenly get the gift of flight from?
Me – who’s always jumped from Dog Pose to a cross legged bum on the floor position before extending my legs to Dandasana.
Today my rear floated skywards then I gracefully swung my legs through my arms like a pendulum, fully extending the legs in front before gently landing my tail section down. And I did this on EVERY vinyasa! Where did this new body come from?
Now I must admit to half-heartedly practising Lolasana a couple of times (or is that Tolasana?)this week but I haven’t been able to lift off. Knees come up but feet don’t follow.
And even the jumpbacks suddenly started to come, although they're clumsy still. But hell, just the fact that I tried to do them properly on EVERY vinyasa was groundbreaking.
This was not an ordinary practise this was extraordinary.
I was so engrossed and connected with what I was doing; my mind was serene and peaceful. My heart felt rested and loving, imbued with a softness which somehow softened my body.
This was not a physical yoga practice despite being more rigorous than ever before. Yoga practise is changing for me, transcending the physical and moving into the mystical.
These poses are just awesome and I think they transform us quite surreptitiously with their magic. When I look at practitioners, teachers and students, some who practice quite regularly and others who might only practice a couple of times a week, I can see the difference it has made to them. Even just the occasional yoga changes us.
I’ve sensed the cellular structure of my body becoming more infused with light over the last couple of years. This is gradually becoming a body of light, immune to sickness, immune to negative external forces, protected, radiant.
The purpose of these asanas might actually be to prepare our body and mind for the flood of divine energy that comes with enlightenment.
Holidays
I’ve been housesitting my partner's place by the beach for just over a week while he's away. Enjoying my solitude, meditating daily, wandering, napping, and feeling genuinely at peace with this leisurely life. Could very easily get used to this. My normally hectic weekly schedule of full time work plus practice plus preparing evening meals plus teaching yoga plus surfing and bushwalking plus squeezing in time with partner, children, grandchildren, friends, aging mum etc – well I do my best to do it all.
But for these two weeks, I’m out of range, offline, AWOL and blissfully solitary. I’m in heaven.
This morning I guess I was practising in heaven.
After holidays
Well it’s a new year tomorrow and it certainly marks a new phase in my life.
After I've finished Glenn Ceresoli’s yoga workshop (January 9 – 13), I’ll be moving away from home and away from my son who’s 24 and has always lived with me. (My daughter has her own home with her partner and their daughter). My son will remain at home and begin forging an independent life, finally learning how to cook, shop and clean for himself. It’s a gentle transition for him into an independent adult life – he still has the comforts of home around him while exploring what it will take to support himself.
My plans are to move to my Mum’s place by the beach for now, which will give him the physical and emotional space to blossom as a man.
That’s as far as the plan goes. I’m quite excited.
So is my Mum, bless her heart.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
