Friday 30th December 2005
Practice
I slept in a bit this morning, indulging fully in holiday mode. Drifted out of bed and into a large creamy espresso and deliciously decadent chocolate croissant, then wandered to the local shops and back again. Shall I practise now? Hmmm. Practicing after having coffee and breakfast just didn't seem right. I went through all the reasons why I should, and all the reasons not to.
When this now familiar dialogue arises, it signals an underlying stubborn resistance to practice, and usually I give in to it. Neither guilt nor discipline are ever strong enough to override the “I don’t want to practice” tantrum.
But this morning some mysterious breeze just blew me onto the mat. I was almost astonished to find myself there. After stretching out my unsuspecting bod in Dog Pose I began the Surja Namaskars.
Three hours later I emerged from the most beautiful practise I’ve ever experienced.
Three hours!!!
Never in my yoga history have I done more than a two hour practise.
But this practise was an episode straight out of Alice in Wonderland. I was falling down an endless rabbit hole colliding with strange and wonderful things on the way.
Curiouser and curiouser.
Every pose spoke to me. Every pose had my full attention. I listened, responded, conversed, discovered, understood. There was so much magic happening. It was a mythical journey into a timeless land.
On a couple of occasions, I considered stopping when the intensity of my engagement threatened to burn me out early, but something overrode the suggestion to stop. I re-established my calm intention and dived back into the rabbit hole.
Highlights along the way were unexpected: bound both sides in a deep Marichyasana D, almost to the point of both buttocks fully grounded.
A strong Kurmasana, heels off the floor, legs and spine fully extended and activated, and a feeling that my front body had been slit open and butterflied from throat to pubis.
Then Supta Kurmasana – an unbelievable breakthrough. Not only did I bind hands again at last, but I got my toes and then my heels together. And this, the pose that damaged my back, the pose that hurt me, the pose that traumatised my lower back and hips and has continuously sent shock waves of fear through my cells, the pose that I’ve assiduously avoided for over 6 months now. When my toes touched I looked up at them, totally astonished. Could this be happening? I found I could wiggle them even closer together and then I almost crossed my ankles! I tucked my head back under and snuggled into a long stay in the pose, sooo happy to be there, breathing, changing. I could feel the metamorphosis inside the coccoon.
And my jump throughs – where did I suddenly get the gift of flight from?
Me – who’s always jumped from Dog Pose to a cross legged bum on the floor position before extending my legs to Dandasana.
Today my rear floated skywards then I gracefully swung my legs through my arms like a pendulum, fully extending the legs in front before gently landing my tail section down. And I did this on EVERY vinyasa! Where did this new body come from?
Now I must admit to half-heartedly practising Lolasana a couple of times (or is that Tolasana?)this week but I haven’t been able to lift off. Knees come up but feet don’t follow.
And even the jumpbacks suddenly started to come, although they're clumsy still. But hell, just the fact that I tried to do them properly on EVERY vinyasa was groundbreaking.
This was not an ordinary practise this was extraordinary.
I was so engrossed and connected with what I was doing; my mind was serene and peaceful. My heart felt rested and loving, imbued with a softness which somehow softened my body.
This was not a physical yoga practice despite being more rigorous than ever before. Yoga practise is changing for me, transcending the physical and moving into the mystical.
These poses are just awesome and I think they transform us quite surreptitiously with their magic. When I look at practitioners, teachers and students, some who practice quite regularly and others who might only practice a couple of times a week, I can see the difference it has made to them. Even just the occasional yoga changes us.
I’ve sensed the cellular structure of my body becoming more infused with light over the last couple of years. This is gradually becoming a body of light, immune to sickness, immune to negative external forces, protected, radiant.
The purpose of these asanas might actually be to prepare our body and mind for the flood of divine energy that comes with enlightenment.
Holidays
I’ve been housesitting my partner's place by the beach for just over a week while he's away. Enjoying my solitude, meditating daily, wandering, napping, and feeling genuinely at peace with this leisurely life. Could very easily get used to this. My normally hectic weekly schedule of full time work plus practice plus preparing evening meals plus teaching yoga plus surfing and bushwalking plus squeezing in time with partner, children, grandchildren, friends, aging mum etc – well I do my best to do it all.
But for these two weeks, I’m out of range, offline, AWOL and blissfully solitary. I’m in heaven.
This morning I guess I was practising in heaven.
After holidays
Well it’s a new year tomorrow and it certainly marks a new phase in my life.
After I've finished Glenn Ceresoli’s yoga workshop (January 9 – 13), I’ll be moving away from home and away from my son who’s 24 and has always lived with me. (My daughter has her own home with her partner and their daughter). My son will remain at home and begin forging an independent life, finally learning how to cook, shop and clean for himself. It’s a gentle transition for him into an independent adult life – he still has the comforts of home around him while exploring what it will take to support himself.
My plans are to move to my Mum’s place by the beach for now, which will give him the physical and emotional space to blossom as a man.
That’s as far as the plan goes. I’m quite excited.
So is my Mum, bless her heart.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Practice
I slept in a bit this morning, indulging fully in holiday mode. Drifted out of bed and into a large creamy espresso and deliciously decadent chocolate croissant, then wandered to the local shops and back again. Shall I practise now? Hmmm. Practicing after having coffee and breakfast just didn't seem right. I went through all the reasons why I should, and all the reasons not to.
When this now familiar dialogue arises, it signals an underlying stubborn resistance to practice, and usually I give in to it. Neither guilt nor discipline are ever strong enough to override the “I don’t want to practice” tantrum.
But this morning some mysterious breeze just blew me onto the mat. I was almost astonished to find myself there. After stretching out my unsuspecting bod in Dog Pose I began the Surja Namaskars.
Three hours later I emerged from the most beautiful practise I’ve ever experienced.
Three hours!!!
Never in my yoga history have I done more than a two hour practise.
But this practise was an episode straight out of Alice in Wonderland. I was falling down an endless rabbit hole colliding with strange and wonderful things on the way.
Curiouser and curiouser.
Every pose spoke to me. Every pose had my full attention. I listened, responded, conversed, discovered, understood. There was so much magic happening. It was a mythical journey into a timeless land.
On a couple of occasions, I considered stopping when the intensity of my engagement threatened to burn me out early, but something overrode the suggestion to stop. I re-established my calm intention and dived back into the rabbit hole.
Highlights along the way were unexpected: bound both sides in a deep Marichyasana D, almost to the point of both buttocks fully grounded.
A strong Kurmasana, heels off the floor, legs and spine fully extended and activated, and a feeling that my front body had been slit open and butterflied from throat to pubis.
Then Supta Kurmasana – an unbelievable breakthrough. Not only did I bind hands again at last, but I got my toes and then my heels together. And this, the pose that damaged my back, the pose that hurt me, the pose that traumatised my lower back and hips and has continuously sent shock waves of fear through my cells, the pose that I’ve assiduously avoided for over 6 months now. When my toes touched I looked up at them, totally astonished. Could this be happening? I found I could wiggle them even closer together and then I almost crossed my ankles! I tucked my head back under and snuggled into a long stay in the pose, sooo happy to be there, breathing, changing. I could feel the metamorphosis inside the coccoon.
And my jump throughs – where did I suddenly get the gift of flight from?
Me – who’s always jumped from Dog Pose to a cross legged bum on the floor position before extending my legs to Dandasana.
Today my rear floated skywards then I gracefully swung my legs through my arms like a pendulum, fully extending the legs in front before gently landing my tail section down. And I did this on EVERY vinyasa! Where did this new body come from?
Now I must admit to half-heartedly practising Lolasana a couple of times (or is that Tolasana?)this week but I haven’t been able to lift off. Knees come up but feet don’t follow.
And even the jumpbacks suddenly started to come, although they're clumsy still. But hell, just the fact that I tried to do them properly on EVERY vinyasa was groundbreaking.
This was not an ordinary practise this was extraordinary.
I was so engrossed and connected with what I was doing; my mind was serene and peaceful. My heart felt rested and loving, imbued with a softness which somehow softened my body.
This was not a physical yoga practice despite being more rigorous than ever before. Yoga practise is changing for me, transcending the physical and moving into the mystical.
These poses are just awesome and I think they transform us quite surreptitiously with their magic. When I look at practitioners, teachers and students, some who practice quite regularly and others who might only practice a couple of times a week, I can see the difference it has made to them. Even just the occasional yoga changes us.
I’ve sensed the cellular structure of my body becoming more infused with light over the last couple of years. This is gradually becoming a body of light, immune to sickness, immune to negative external forces, protected, radiant.
The purpose of these asanas might actually be to prepare our body and mind for the flood of divine energy that comes with enlightenment.
Holidays
I’ve been housesitting my partner's place by the beach for just over a week while he's away. Enjoying my solitude, meditating daily, wandering, napping, and feeling genuinely at peace with this leisurely life. Could very easily get used to this. My normally hectic weekly schedule of full time work plus practice plus preparing evening meals plus teaching yoga plus surfing and bushwalking plus squeezing in time with partner, children, grandchildren, friends, aging mum etc – well I do my best to do it all.
But for these two weeks, I’m out of range, offline, AWOL and blissfully solitary. I’m in heaven.
This morning I guess I was practising in heaven.
After holidays
Well it’s a new year tomorrow and it certainly marks a new phase in my life.
After I've finished Glenn Ceresoli’s yoga workshop (January 9 – 13), I’ll be moving away from home and away from my son who’s 24 and has always lived with me. (My daughter has her own home with her partner and their daughter). My son will remain at home and begin forging an independent life, finally learning how to cook, shop and clean for himself. It’s a gentle transition for him into an independent adult life – he still has the comforts of home around him while exploring what it will take to support himself.
My plans are to move to my Mum’s place by the beach for now, which will give him the physical and emotional space to blossom as a man.
That’s as far as the plan goes. I’m quite excited.
So is my Mum, bless her heart.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Tuesday 27th December 2005
I like those few minutes during the pre-practice stretches when you’re feeling out how your body and mind are today. What will practice show up today? You try and predict the flavour of the next 2 hours on the mat, based on past experience. You put your bets on what today’s performance will be like.
Even after 2 years of regular Ashtanga, I’m right as often as I’m wrong.
There are days when I’m not so open and flexible in the body, but my mind is onto every sensation of stretch, struggle, opening, flicker, twitch. Mind, body and breath meld into one unstoppable force.
There are days when physical energy gets me through practice but my mind is somewhere else, scattered, preoccupied.
And there are days of no energy and no focus, when I deduce that a sleep-in would have probably been more beneficial than a practice.
Happily today’s practice was one where everything blended together like a delicious chocolate milkshake.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Monday 26th December 2005
Did an Iyengar practise for a change tonight. It was one straight out of the Light On Yoga appendix – week 22-25 from the courses at the back.
You start with Headstand then variations, then follow with Shoulderstand and variations. The only pose in the entire sequence I couldn’t do was Ardha Matsyendrasana because I rarely do this version where you have to sit up on your heel. The rare times I’ve done this pose, I do the variation where both buttocks are on the ground between the feet (which is much more stable). I just couldn’t keep my balance up on the heel while wrapping the arm around the leg and I fell out of it so may times while trying that I gave up.
Apart from that the practice had a nice fullness to it, not too difficult (but you don’t get karma points for doing a difficult practice anyway).
I spent 10 long breaths (one and a half minutes) in all the poses but soaked in the initial Headstand and Shoulderstand for 30 breaths each (work that out) before moving into their variations. All up the entire Headstand sequence lasted 7 minutes. And by that time I was soooo ready to come down which means 7 minutes is my current max for holding Headstand. I’d like to build up my staying power in these beautiful poses and dive really deep into inversion territory.
Headstand and Shoulderstand. The king and queen of asanas.
The Ashtanga short stay in these poses (20 breaths) is like touching down in a foreign country and sightseeing for a day or two. You can’t get to know them on such a short visit, you have to live there a little while, seek out the alleys, the locals, the places not on the tour guide, get a real feeling for the culture.
These poses are legendary for their physiological benefits.
An unexpected moment came in Marichyasana C. Up until now, the buttock of my bent leg has always been off the floor but tonight my body recalled an adjustment that David gave me recently. He somehow leaned my weight fully back onto his leg so I would have fallen backwards without his support, and he rotated and pressed my raised buttock heavily onto the floor. Tonight I got it down easily without falling back and it really felt so much different in the hip joint, cleaner.
Tomorrow morning will be full primary practice in the Gallery – the first one for 5 days but if feels like weeks. With so little to occupy me while on a solitary personal retreat these holidays, the time has been going enchantingly slowly. These are very laid back, easy days. And there’s another 7 of them to go before I return to work. I’m cherishing every moment.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Tuesday 22nd November 2005
Urdhva Padmasana
After all these years of being a lithe, agile little slip of a girl, I’m having to get used to inhabiting an aging body that’s occasionally stiff from head to toe and stubbornly unyielding in its most troubled spots.
But it is interesting to work with this changing body. Practice this morning magnified all my past injuries and traumas. My right knee has become a test of my patience in all the Padmasana poses, taking at least 2 minutes to soften and open enough to get into the poses, and curiously, not just the first pose (Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana) but all of them. I’d like to think that after working incrementally into a deep Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana (which can take a good 20 breaths or so to get there), the knee and hip joints would be buttered up enough to just slide into the subsequent Padmasana poses.
Not so.
When I get to the next Padmasana pose - Ardha Baddha Padma Paschimottanasana – it’s back to stiff old square one and I have to go through the entire softening process again. At the start of this pose, I’m stuck in an almost frozen, upright, seated position with a locked knee and stiff hip, unable to bend forward at all. My breath is short, signalling injury alert. Then the journey beings, the long, slow descent down into the depths of the full forward bend. And I get there, eventually. No ego, no pushing, no agenda, just holding the pose at each edge, waiting for that edge to move another millimetre, and when it does, it’s like a door opening. I go through. To the next closed door. So I knock and I wait. I listen for the cue, patiently. Finally it happens - the next door opens and I go through. And this is how it continues on. This is the process. Twenty breaths, twenty doors. I’ve been doing it like this for quite a while, prying open the knee and hip joint in every practice.
I wonder why my knee isn’t unstiffening when it gets all this understanding and attention.
Today I got a scare. It was the first day in my Ashtanga history that I ALMOST couldn’t get into Urdhva Padmasana. Not a promising sign of things to come.
This pose isn’t like seated Padmasana where you can happily pull in the right leg and sit in half Padmasana for a while until the joints soften before folding the other leg on top.
In seated Padmasana, you’ve got all the time in the world. But in Urdhva Padmasana, you’re balancing upside down in the shoulderstand position precariously trying to work the right knee and hip open enough to draw the right foot in deep towards the left hip. It resembles a circus balancing act. The left leg is half bent and suspended somewhere up in mid air, waiting for its moment to strike while the right leg is fussing around. I resist the temptation to pull the second leg in too early, but if I wait too long I won’t be able to. Time is running out – balancing in shoulderstand supported by only one hand is tiring. The urgency begins to creep in. If I don’t’ get into the full pose in another 5 seconds, I’ll have no choice but to come down. Failure – that would signal the loss of my favourite pose.
So here it gets real interesting. I’m on the precipice, time is ticking away, I’m inverted, balancing, tiring, waiting for the right knee joint to melt open so the left leg can fold on top of it safely. I could easily tear my knee ligaments here if I moved into the full pose too quick...
Some people get their excitement from mountain climbing, abseiling, flirting with death. This knee drama unfolds with the same excitement. It’s quite hilarious.
Urdhva Padmasana has become the arena where I practice awareness, sensitivity, patience, acceptance, equanimity, compassion and loving kindness, where I come up against an obstacle, then watch it melt away, where I’m reminded that what is going on in my conscious and subconscious mind is revealed in my body, moment to moment.
This right knee perplexes me. It’s been mysteriously deteriorating over the last year or so…is it simply age, arthritis, or something in my mind that’s manifesting in poor alignment, bad sitting habits perhaps. New age believers might diagnose it as an emotional block that’s crystallised hard in the knee, though most wouldn't offer a reasonable explanation or a cure for this.
Could be all, could be none. Really doesn’t matter in the big picture, except as another opportunity for me to love and accept all the changing circumstances this wonderfully rich life brings.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
I like those few minutes during the pre-practice stretches when you’re feeling out how your body and mind are today. What will practice show up today? You try and predict the flavour of the next 2 hours on the mat, based on past experience. You put your bets on what today’s performance will be like.
Even after 2 years of regular Ashtanga, I’m right as often as I’m wrong.
There are days when I’m not so open and flexible in the body, but my mind is onto every sensation of stretch, struggle, opening, flicker, twitch. Mind, body and breath meld into one unstoppable force.
There are days when physical energy gets me through practice but my mind is somewhere else, scattered, preoccupied.
And there are days of no energy and no focus, when I deduce that a sleep-in would have probably been more beneficial than a practice.
Happily today’s practice was one where everything blended together like a delicious chocolate milkshake.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Monday 26th December 2005
Did an Iyengar practise for a change tonight. It was one straight out of the Light On Yoga appendix – week 22-25 from the courses at the back.
You start with Headstand then variations, then follow with Shoulderstand and variations. The only pose in the entire sequence I couldn’t do was Ardha Matsyendrasana because I rarely do this version where you have to sit up on your heel. The rare times I’ve done this pose, I do the variation where both buttocks are on the ground between the feet (which is much more stable). I just couldn’t keep my balance up on the heel while wrapping the arm around the leg and I fell out of it so may times while trying that I gave up.
Apart from that the practice had a nice fullness to it, not too difficult (but you don’t get karma points for doing a difficult practice anyway).
I spent 10 long breaths (one and a half minutes) in all the poses but soaked in the initial Headstand and Shoulderstand for 30 breaths each (work that out) before moving into their variations. All up the entire Headstand sequence lasted 7 minutes. And by that time I was soooo ready to come down which means 7 minutes is my current max for holding Headstand. I’d like to build up my staying power in these beautiful poses and dive really deep into inversion territory.
Headstand and Shoulderstand. The king and queen of asanas.
The Ashtanga short stay in these poses (20 breaths) is like touching down in a foreign country and sightseeing for a day or two. You can’t get to know them on such a short visit, you have to live there a little while, seek out the alleys, the locals, the places not on the tour guide, get a real feeling for the culture.
These poses are legendary for their physiological benefits.
An unexpected moment came in Marichyasana C. Up until now, the buttock of my bent leg has always been off the floor but tonight my body recalled an adjustment that David gave me recently. He somehow leaned my weight fully back onto his leg so I would have fallen backwards without his support, and he rotated and pressed my raised buttock heavily onto the floor. Tonight I got it down easily without falling back and it really felt so much different in the hip joint, cleaner.
Tomorrow morning will be full primary practice in the Gallery – the first one for 5 days but if feels like weeks. With so little to occupy me while on a solitary personal retreat these holidays, the time has been going enchantingly slowly. These are very laid back, easy days. And there’s another 7 of them to go before I return to work. I’m cherishing every moment.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Tuesday 22nd November 2005
Urdhva Padmasana
After all these years of being a lithe, agile little slip of a girl, I’m having to get used to inhabiting an aging body that’s occasionally stiff from head to toe and stubbornly unyielding in its most troubled spots.
But it is interesting to work with this changing body. Practice this morning magnified all my past injuries and traumas. My right knee has become a test of my patience in all the Padmasana poses, taking at least 2 minutes to soften and open enough to get into the poses, and curiously, not just the first pose (Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana) but all of them. I’d like to think that after working incrementally into a deep Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana (which can take a good 20 breaths or so to get there), the knee and hip joints would be buttered up enough to just slide into the subsequent Padmasana poses.
Not so.
When I get to the next Padmasana pose - Ardha Baddha Padma Paschimottanasana – it’s back to stiff old square one and I have to go through the entire softening process again. At the start of this pose, I’m stuck in an almost frozen, upright, seated position with a locked knee and stiff hip, unable to bend forward at all. My breath is short, signalling injury alert. Then the journey beings, the long, slow descent down into the depths of the full forward bend. And I get there, eventually. No ego, no pushing, no agenda, just holding the pose at each edge, waiting for that edge to move another millimetre, and when it does, it’s like a door opening. I go through. To the next closed door. So I knock and I wait. I listen for the cue, patiently. Finally it happens - the next door opens and I go through. And this is how it continues on. This is the process. Twenty breaths, twenty doors. I’ve been doing it like this for quite a while, prying open the knee and hip joint in every practice.
I wonder why my knee isn’t unstiffening when it gets all this understanding and attention.
Today I got a scare. It was the first day in my Ashtanga history that I ALMOST couldn’t get into Urdhva Padmasana. Not a promising sign of things to come.
This pose isn’t like seated Padmasana where you can happily pull in the right leg and sit in half Padmasana for a while until the joints soften before folding the other leg on top.
In seated Padmasana, you’ve got all the time in the world. But in Urdhva Padmasana, you’re balancing upside down in the shoulderstand position precariously trying to work the right knee and hip open enough to draw the right foot in deep towards the left hip. It resembles a circus balancing act. The left leg is half bent and suspended somewhere up in mid air, waiting for its moment to strike while the right leg is fussing around. I resist the temptation to pull the second leg in too early, but if I wait too long I won’t be able to. Time is running out – balancing in shoulderstand supported by only one hand is tiring. The urgency begins to creep in. If I don’t’ get into the full pose in another 5 seconds, I’ll have no choice but to come down. Failure – that would signal the loss of my favourite pose.
So here it gets real interesting. I’m on the precipice, time is ticking away, I’m inverted, balancing, tiring, waiting for the right knee joint to melt open so the left leg can fold on top of it safely. I could easily tear my knee ligaments here if I moved into the full pose too quick...
Some people get their excitement from mountain climbing, abseiling, flirting with death. This knee drama unfolds with the same excitement. It’s quite hilarious.
Urdhva Padmasana has become the arena where I practice awareness, sensitivity, patience, acceptance, equanimity, compassion and loving kindness, where I come up against an obstacle, then watch it melt away, where I’m reminded that what is going on in my conscious and subconscious mind is revealed in my body, moment to moment.
This right knee perplexes me. It’s been mysteriously deteriorating over the last year or so…is it simply age, arthritis, or something in my mind that’s manifesting in poor alignment, bad sitting habits perhaps. New age believers might diagnose it as an emotional block that’s crystallised hard in the knee, though most wouldn't offer a reasonable explanation or a cure for this.
Could be all, could be none. Really doesn’t matter in the big picture, except as another opportunity for me to love and accept all the changing circumstances this wonderfully rich life brings.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
