Diary of a yoga nobodhi

Wednesday 27th October 2005

Anticipation

I’d planned a big comeback to Mysore classes at the shala starting this week and what do you know, I got my period Monday morning.
So instead I did a full practice in the Gallery on Tuesday minus the inversions, and this morning I just practiced the class sequence I’ll be teaching this Saturday.

My debut back at the shala will have to be this Friday for led Primary and I’ll pay for a block of 10 classes for the next month. My last class with Simi was at the end of June, 4 months ago. Seems much longer.

Although I’ve wanted to go back to regular Mysore classes, I haven’t quite felt ready until now, mainly for three reasons:
1) My delicate back condition meant NO to adjustments, so I figured I may as well practice alone and save money
2) Then there was the fear that I’d be too wiped out from a 5 day Ashtanga practice to teach on Saturdays. That's changed. I’m not going to let myself get away with dreary "I can't do it" beliefs any more. I know we create our own reality through our thoughts, “fear sickness and you’ll attract it”. The “I’ll be too tired” thought has been replaced with something like “I have infinite energy and can do everything”
3) Lack of money kept me away too, but the extra income from teaching yoga is turning that around. And anyway, it comes down to priorities - if you want it, you’ll find the money.

Now I’m ready.

And…well…I’m just a little excited.

I’ve got goosebumps.

Something’s stirring me up – and it feels like the swivel stick of God.

I quiver in anticipation of where I’m headed but it’s not just returning to the shala and regular Mysore practice that’s got me excited. That’s just one of the minor manifestations of the massive shift that’s moving me.
Divine power is flooding me, my eyes are glowing, energy is charging through my nervous system like electricity. Everything seems possible in this lifetime.
I’m hovering on the verge of transcendence; the physical realm is receding to reveal the finest, most beautiful realms of inner space.
I feel like an exploding star, with a dangerously dense nucleus of luminous, expansive, quantum energy.

zap zap

Christian Larson.
What an extraordinary man.
I’ve been re-reading his works and they're once again catapulting me out of my small self and into the higher spheres of existence.
His words have this incredible power to elevate me in the highest sense. Every paragraph speaks to my innate desire to realise this most extraordinary potential that we all have within. He doesn’t permit ‘no’ or ‘can’t’. Because ultimately we can. And we know it.
We CAN live fully realised, powerful, positive lives. We just have to stop blaming circumstances and making excuses, we have to weed out the negativity and self doubt that is deeply entrenched in our thought patterns by replacing it with the positive – EVERY TIME. Rewire the neural pathways of the brain.
That means observing every thought and being on guard for those petty thoughts tinged with pessimism, defeat, negativity, malice, whinging, whining, stinging, sarcasm (not an easy undertaking to keep the higher self constantly watching the lower self).
And when they enter the mind, by the simple fact that we see them and recognise them as obstacles to the higher life, that recognition begins to dispel them, they lose their grip on us and we can begin the counter treatment of injecting positive thoughts to neutralise and finally banish the negativity from our minds. Super clean mind, super pure, super free.
Sounds like an ad for a shower cleaner.

If you’ve ever had an experience of enlightenment, of ‘waking up’, you’ll know that this clean out happens spontaneously. Your mind is flooded with so much divine love that all impure thoughts are dissolved away in a flash. Light and love is all that remains.

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Tuesday 11th October 2005

My last full practice was last Thursday – 5 days ago - but now that I’m teaching 3 classes on Saturdays, I’m counting Saturdays as the equivalent to 2 practices, but only on the physical scale.

Real practice on the spiritual scale can only happen when I’m in my own inner space.
Spiritual practice has no measuring device. To measure is to miss the point.

On the physical scale…
This morning was yet another good, strong Primary practice (similar to last Thursday’s) but today I left out the poses from Bhuja Pidasana to Garbha Pindasana because time was running short. I’d lingered overtime in the seated poses. Now that my body is slowly surrendering the trauma from its lower back injuries, forward bends are starting to return, so today I indulged in them a bit.
In last Thursday’s practice I finally got back into full Kurmasana with heels off the floor, but Supta Kurmasana still smelt dangerous. Today’s Kurmasana was a bent knee pose.
Must still be very, very careful. Go very, very slowly.

The outstanding highlight from this morning was kicking up to a perfect balance in a free Handstand at the end of my mat after Virabhadrasana B, and feeling stable and secure in the balance. I held it for an incredibly outrageous time – 10 loooong breaths. If I use a bit of mathematics here, I can calculate that my long inhalations and exhalations were at least 2 seconds each, times that by 10 breaths and that totals a 40 second balance in free Handstand. After the initial wobbling subsided, it didn’t even feel like a balance. It felt the same as standing on my feet. Now that doesn’t happen too often, but I think it happens often enough to not be a freak incident anymore.

After the Handstand I went to the wall to practice Pincha Mayurasana before continuing on to Dandasana and the seated poses. Pincha Mayurasana is great for freeing up tension and strengthening my shoulders. And the balance is more stable than Handstand though it wasn’t today because I hadn’t done it for a long time. My shoulders felt tight and weak in this pose, so I now vow to do this pose every self-practice from now on.

Forward bends might be returning, but twists feel like a stiff void.
Parivritta Parsvakonasana….this morning’s pose was not a pose I could edit – it was read only. No amendments or adjustments possible, just enter, stay, observe, try not to get bored – that was the best I could do.
In contrast, Marichyasana C was great – full wrist grab, lots of micro adjusting, deep Ujjiyi breath, mind and body working in tandem. But then I chickened out of Marichyasana D without even trying it. Slid right over it like it just wasn’t there. No excuse and not acceptable. It’s so annoying when I do that. WHY do I do that! Slippery little mind, this one.

At the end of the practice, I did my beloved twisting variation of Padmasana before bending forward into Yoga Mudra. It’s a deliciously deep twist for the hips but it also opens up the front shoulders so the arms can extend further behind the back giving a much stronger hand-to-foot bind in Baddha Padmasana.
I sense there’s something really magical about full Padmasana…the position of the feet, legs and hips sends secret, esoteric messages to that Bermuda Triangle located between the pelvic floor and sacrum – scary, exciting Kundalini territory.

Practice is pretty interesting – it’s changing.
It’s changing me.
I’m practicing less now, 2- 4 ‘real’ practices a week (not including teaching 3 classes on Saturdays or morning wake up Dog Pose stretches, or random evening poses). But I’m comfortable with that because the quality of engagement with my practice is richer than ever.

Update on Teaching
Teaching is pretty interesting too – teaching also is changing me.
It’s now been 6 weeks since I started teaching yoga classes in the Gallery on Saturdays:
9.30am - Level 1 active: 4-6 students
11.00am – a 5 week Beginners Course – 15 students
4.00pm – Level 1 – 6-9 students

It was a bit of a gamble taking on the Saturday teaching commitment while working full time Monday to Friday, but it seems to be working out at the moment. There’s a lot to learn for me here. It’s rich fertile ground to explore my own spiritual practice, my understanding and interpretation of yoga and my ability to challenge and inspire others to look inwards, not to mention being incredibly organised.
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