Wednesday 31st August 2005
The teachers are back this week: Darren (easily the most senior Iyengar teacher here) has returned from his stint in Pune so I’m looking forward to his led practice this Friday. I heard that in the teacher’s practice he led on Monday, he was inserting a Sun Salute between every standing pose which is refreshingly unorthodox for a stoic Iyengi (is there such a term?).
David (the only authentic Ashtanga teacher here apart from Simi - that I know of, anyway) has returned to teach at the shala this week after something like 5 months away overseas. Mondays and Wednesdays are the only mornings I can get to his morning Mysore classes (Tuesday and Thursday are Gallery practices and Friday is Darren's class), and since I didn’t get there on either of those days this week, I’ll have to think about kick starting myself back there next week. Very big kick needed.
This week all my energy has been taken up by work – organising the School’s graduation ceremony this Friday, our first annual graduate’s dinner this Saturday night and the annual Open Day this Sunday, as well as working flat out on the accreditation submission for a new award we want to offer next year (a 2 year Associate Degree of Visual Art). Work, blah blah blah.
My Ashtanga practice has been in a holding pattern for ages. That’s the way it goes sometimes. I’ve only been doing 3 decent practices a week for the last 4 months. Going back to Mysore classes with David needs a serious attitude change and a commitment because I’ll have to do at least 2 – 3 classes a week with him. The cost of single classes is not easily justified on my income so the alternative is buying a 10 or 20 class ticket which has to be used up in 1 or 2 months – hence 2-3 classes a week. Am I ready for that?
My aversion to commitment has come to light lately with the fallout being the dissolution of my relationship with my partner. Living in the present, loving each moment then letting it go, not looking to control the future but letting it unfold without interference - all this has been a natural outcome of many years of Buddhist practice. But that’s just SO not helpful when others want to include you in their plans for the future.
So is this attitude/belief right or wrong?
Is it possible that it might be useful most of the time, but not all the time?
Since the old relationship broke down between us last week, we’re now working on building a new kind of relationship with each other, where all expectations are dropped. This includes expectations that we should be a certain way or should act a certain way, and any expectations that we might have a future together. Drop all that and suddenly there’s freedom to love unconditionally.
Practice
My last practice was yesterday morning and it was a nice surprise – bit by bit I turned it from a heavy, agonising start, through to a fully engaged, deeply satisfying end.
I didn’t feel like practicing at all when I first stepped onto the mat. I was completely unmotivated, slow, unenergetic, unfocussed. My mind wanted to churn over the complex relationship issues that had been brought up the night before while my body was going through the motions of practice. I was fully aware of the negative effect this was having on my practice.
I KNOW that when I’m not fully present with my practice, I lose energy fast. It just leaks away...down the plughole.
Over the first half hour of sun salutes and standing poses, I had to work hard against my mind’s tunnel vision that kept slipping back into ruminating over the relationship. What a battle bringing it back to the present over and over again, then watching it get sucked back into the other issues going on in my life, then bringing it back to the practice again. How much like traditional sitting meditation this is where you try to keep your mind focussed on the breath. Slowly but steadily it started to come and I got more consistently involved with what I was doing on the mat. Then I noticed the energy starting to increase.
So this practice was a real test of my mind control - firstly the ability to recognise what my stubborn mind was doing and the determination and skill to turn a negative, sticky mind state into a clear, positive, present one. The reward was an absolute immersion in the finishing poses – all done in complete absorption and ecstasy. I'd won.
Sirsasana was so good - my Ujjiyi breath seemed to originate from the ocean floor depths of Mulabandha, rhythmic and sonorous, saturating every cell of my body.
“Yogas citta vrtti nirodhah”
Yoga is the cessation of the fluctuations of the mind.
Practice with the correct intention and all is coming.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
The teachers are back this week: Darren (easily the most senior Iyengar teacher here) has returned from his stint in Pune so I’m looking forward to his led practice this Friday. I heard that in the teacher’s practice he led on Monday, he was inserting a Sun Salute between every standing pose which is refreshingly unorthodox for a stoic Iyengi (is there such a term?).
David (the only authentic Ashtanga teacher here apart from Simi - that I know of, anyway) has returned to teach at the shala this week after something like 5 months away overseas. Mondays and Wednesdays are the only mornings I can get to his morning Mysore classes (Tuesday and Thursday are Gallery practices and Friday is Darren's class), and since I didn’t get there on either of those days this week, I’ll have to think about kick starting myself back there next week. Very big kick needed.
This week all my energy has been taken up by work – organising the School’s graduation ceremony this Friday, our first annual graduate’s dinner this Saturday night and the annual Open Day this Sunday, as well as working flat out on the accreditation submission for a new award we want to offer next year (a 2 year Associate Degree of Visual Art). Work, blah blah blah.
My Ashtanga practice has been in a holding pattern for ages. That’s the way it goes sometimes. I’ve only been doing 3 decent practices a week for the last 4 months. Going back to Mysore classes with David needs a serious attitude change and a commitment because I’ll have to do at least 2 – 3 classes a week with him. The cost of single classes is not easily justified on my income so the alternative is buying a 10 or 20 class ticket which has to be used up in 1 or 2 months – hence 2-3 classes a week. Am I ready for that?
My aversion to commitment has come to light lately with the fallout being the dissolution of my relationship with my partner. Living in the present, loving each moment then letting it go, not looking to control the future but letting it unfold without interference - all this has been a natural outcome of many years of Buddhist practice. But that’s just SO not helpful when others want to include you in their plans for the future.
So is this attitude/belief right or wrong?
Is it possible that it might be useful most of the time, but not all the time?
Since the old relationship broke down between us last week, we’re now working on building a new kind of relationship with each other, where all expectations are dropped. This includes expectations that we should be a certain way or should act a certain way, and any expectations that we might have a future together. Drop all that and suddenly there’s freedom to love unconditionally.
Practice
My last practice was yesterday morning and it was a nice surprise – bit by bit I turned it from a heavy, agonising start, through to a fully engaged, deeply satisfying end.
I didn’t feel like practicing at all when I first stepped onto the mat. I was completely unmotivated, slow, unenergetic, unfocussed. My mind wanted to churn over the complex relationship issues that had been brought up the night before while my body was going through the motions of practice. I was fully aware of the negative effect this was having on my practice.
I KNOW that when I’m not fully present with my practice, I lose energy fast. It just leaks away...down the plughole.
Over the first half hour of sun salutes and standing poses, I had to work hard against my mind’s tunnel vision that kept slipping back into ruminating over the relationship. What a battle bringing it back to the present over and over again, then watching it get sucked back into the other issues going on in my life, then bringing it back to the practice again. How much like traditional sitting meditation this is where you try to keep your mind focussed on the breath. Slowly but steadily it started to come and I got more consistently involved with what I was doing on the mat. Then I noticed the energy starting to increase.
So this practice was a real test of my mind control - firstly the ability to recognise what my stubborn mind was doing and the determination and skill to turn a negative, sticky mind state into a clear, positive, present one. The reward was an absolute immersion in the finishing poses – all done in complete absorption and ecstasy. I'd won.
Sirsasana was so good - my Ujjiyi breath seemed to originate from the ocean floor depths of Mulabandha, rhythmic and sonorous, saturating every cell of my body.
“Yogas citta vrtti nirodhah”
Yoga is the cessation of the fluctuations of the mind.
Practice with the correct intention and all is coming.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
