Diary of a yoga nobodhi

Wednesday 17th August 2005

Looks like the backache from hell is back again. It’s a familiar gripping ache through the lumbar area that radiates out to the left hip. I know it’s from the megadose of backbends yesterday (most probably Kapotasana), which puzzles me because the last time I went through this back nightmare (a couple of months ago) it was caused by Supta Kurmasana which arches the lumbar in the opposite direction.
So something is telling me that the cause is not the pose – not the forward bend, not the backbend.

It’s the approach...there's rich food for contemplation here.

Firstly I keep forgetting that I ruptured a disc a few years back so there's going to be a weakness in my lumbar spine forevermore. Maybe I haven't quite accepted that I'm no longer invincible. Maybe I still actually believe the fairytale that with the right work I'll overcome all physical obstacles and be transformed from a pumpkin into a lithe Cinderella yogi and live happily ever after. Look at Vanda Scaravelli.
In the last 24 hours I've actually done a bit of research into Vanda's philosophy and approach. Not sure why - probably just a fleeting visit to another yoga style. Vanda, like many independent, contemporary yogis (eg. Iyengar, Shandor) developed quite a specific approach to asana based on her vast knowledge and practice and influenced particularly by her personality and disposition. Like Iyengar, Shandor and others, she refined it then she taught it.
I'm not about to become a Scaravelli convert, but there's great sensitivity in her approach and right now, as I'm investigating the state of mind which which I come to the mat, it's like a soothing medicine to read about it.

Back to looking for a connection between the back injury incidents: both times I got a bit excited about the possibilities of going further into the poses and thought I could do it safely. I was nudging at my edges. In Supta Kurmasana I was adjusted further into the pose than I should have been, but I trusted the process and stayed in it with the quiet wish that the mental and physical discomfort would bring the benefit of breaking through my stubborn body’s resistance to the pose and advancing just that little bit more towards the ‘final’ position. So ego was there – I wanted something.
I think my approach to asana work has matured since then (injury does that to you), and yesterday I wasn’t wanting anything. I was just being curious, adventurous. An attitude of “Let’s see where this leads”.

My lumbar winced at the prospect of practice today so I let it rest. Tomorrow I’ll do something – even if it's just some safe, standing poses.

I’ll probably be teaching my first class on pain killers this weekend.

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Tuesday 16th August 2005

It’s late afternoon and my lower back hurts. It’s an ache that indicates tissue trauma - something's been stirred up and maybe even damaged again so there could be a very painful lesson to learn here. Too big to contemplate right now, but that will come.
I’ve now done this to my back twice in the space of 3 months.

Here’s what I did in practice this morning.
I abandoned the Ashtanga sequence after Parsvottanasana (yeah I know...there’s lesson number one) and decided to explore some more backbending poses (after my glorious moment in Eka Pada Raja Kapotasana on Saturday).
It felt like a courageous path at the time but considering how I feel this afternoon, I wish I hadn’t taken it.

So after Parsvottanasana I sat in Virasana, a classic pose often inserted as a transition between standing and seated poses in Iyengar classes. I always experience funny little sensations in my hip joints in Virasana and quite enjoy staying there watching them come and go and move around. The sensations feel like wicked little gremlins running around my lower body, causing mischief and eluding capture.
Legs still in Virasana I laid back with the upper back arched and the crown of the head on the floor. Not sure of the name of this pose and too lazy to look it up, but it’s like Matsyasana with Virasana legs, arms overhead and hands hold opposite elbows. So I held this quietly, watching the shoulders gradually release and the elbows slide closer towards the floor, then lowered my back to the floor then laid out flat in Supta Virasana for a couple of minutes. All up about 5 minutes of sustained quad stretching.

Then to the backbends, starting with what we did in class on Saturday: Urdhva Dhanurasana, Viparitta Dandasana, Eka Pada Raja Kapotasana with a strap (couldn’t reach foot to head today – no teacher), Ustrasana and a genuine attempt at Kapotasana. I did this from Ustrasana arching back to the wall with arms overhead, and once my hands touched the wall I walked them down a step and pushed hard into the wall to straighten my arms. This gives a great opening for the shoulders but the main advantage is that the pressure into the wall provides a fulcrum to lift up through the chest which is where I need to develop more arch. Did that twice then walked hands down the wall and caterpillar crawled them along the floor to touch my feet. Elbows didn’t get to the ground, but that wasn’t the aim. Just having the strong intention and desire to attempt it, then stay and work in it without panicking was my measure of success. For me that’s an indicator that my motivation is returning. About time too.

A few soft forward bends to ease the lower back and I felt great. Just a little ache in the lumbar to start with which was understandable. But it’s 4pm and the ache hasn’t gone away.

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Monday 15th August 2005

The Saturday class was great, not as hard as I imagined although we held poses for double time. Going to a 10am class was a bit confusing…do I have breakfast…coffee…? I got up early, had both then walked the dog.

Class started with a few warm ups, lots of Dog Pose interspersed with Uttanasana variations and the good old preparation for Eka Pada Rajakapotasana (front leg bent and back leg extended) where you just lean forward over the bent front leg with arms extended, and relax into the hip opening stretch. Why isn’t this pose in the official yoga curriculum (eg. Light on Yoga)? It’s done in a lot of class and facilitates a deep release in the hips when you stay there for a while. Seems like a classic to me.

A few rounds of Surja Namaskars, followed by a few simple, effective standing poses: Trikonasana and Parsvakonasana first. Then I got a good alignment adjustment in Parivritta Parsvakonasana. I thought this pose was coming along well as I can get the heel of my back foot on the ground and move into version B, binding my wrist behind my back. But when my hips got adjusted to their correct position, I realised why I get so far in the twist – back to kindergarten basics with this one.
From Prasaritta Padottanasana we slid the feet apart as wide as possible and laid the forearms to the floor, keeping the spine parallel then moved into Hanumanasana. Slowly got all the way to the floor on both sides and stayed there – some days I can, some days I can’t.

Then backbends: Setu Bandha Sarvangasana, a few long holds in Urdhva Dhanurasana, Viparitta Dandasana first with palms together and head off the floor, then palms to the floor and inching them towards the feet. Then the crowning glory of the class: Eka Pada Raja Kapotasana. Preparing for this, my back thigh got straightened and rotated a bit, then we grabbed a strap hooking it over the foot. I was able to walk my hands down the strap closer to the foot, grab my big toe with one hand, then the little toe side of the foot with the other hand and voila! Drew my foot in to touch my head for the first time ever. Of course it helped having a teacher to guide me deeper into it and support my body. Nice little thrill to finally get there and it’s given me this strong impetus to work more diligently and seriously at my asana (which I should be doing if I’m going to be teaching it again).

After the backbends we did Janu Sirsasana and Parivritta Janu Sirsasana. I didn’t get an adjustment in this one but was watching my teacher move Kosta more deeply into the twist with a knee in Kosta’s lower shoulderblade and both hands rotating the side ribs around. We finished with a very long Paschimottanasana.

It was a strong class, not many poses, but deep satisfying work. My partner is a very gifted teacher. He has a magical way of facilitating your full descent into the murky depths of the poses and shining a light in there for you.

Surprisingly I wasn’t sore the next day. This time I was spared paying the penance for my sins.

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