Tuesday 12th July 2005
Practice – Mondayitis
Practice has generally become consistently strong and really satisfying with the exception of Mondays. What is it in my psyche that smothers all good Monday practice intentions to death under the blanket of inertia? Bed holds me prisoner.
Despite promising Angie that I’d practice at the shala yesterday morning, as usual on a Monday I failed to get out of bed. Monday morning has a hex on it. I have no explanation. Do I have a psychological block to the start of the week, or maybe there’s an assertive sub-conscious directive for an extra sleep-in that overrides my resolute Sunday intentions? I don’t think it’s laziness…I have no problems getting out of bed at 5.15am for practice on any other morning. It’s a curious phenomena. Every Sunday I swear I’ll break the Monday morning drought, but when that alarm goes off, my sub-conscious overrides my will and sabotages it every time.
Up until today I’ve been taking the detour from Navasana straight to Baddha Konasana due to the bulging disc problem but this morning I did every pose from go to whoa in Primary series. Bhujapidasana and Garbha Pindasana felt great and the nine rolls just may have been my best ever! (what sense does that make when I haven’t done this for 2 months).
Kurmasana was about 80% - couldn’t quite get that strong heels-off-the-floor energy injection, and predictably, Supta Kurmasana was poor; being the pose that caused my injury it’s the one that will take a long time for my body to forgive. Although it was my first try for 2 months, I was still a bit dismayed that I couldn’t bind my wrists, but I guess with time, patience and care, it will return. Who knows…the injury may even be the catalyst for a total restructure of my body. Maybe it’s reconfiguring itself to allow a full binding of legs behind the head – something that’s always eluded me.
I play with the amusing thought that an injury breaks the body so that it can be put back together differently, reform in a different shape, an updated model perhaps that can do even more that the last one.
Such wishful thinking…
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Sunday 10th July 2005
Teaching yoga as a vehicle for enlightenment
Well I’m starting to get very excited and inspired about teaching yoga again.
I’ve done a lot of self reflection, evaluation and inner work over the past month or so to turn around the self-doubts and stalling that have been holding me back. Now it feels like I’ve cleared all that out, like I’m free of all the negative thinking around my ability to teach. Heck, I’ve been teaching for a few years now, long enough to watch my students progress and change and begin to discover life’s hidden dimensions. Some have contacted me recently asking me to teach again. Their loyalty and enthusiasm has helped me to finally accept that I have something really valuable and sacred to pass on.
Turning around self doubt has been a fascinating exercise – confronting all the hidden negative attitudes and the negative thoughts I have about myself. As I began to see them clearly, face them and question their validity, they began to disappear. They had no real substance, they were just thoughts but were exerting a powerful influence over me and all my decisions.
For me the purpose of both yoga and Buddhist practice is to purify the body and mind, to systematically work to release and remove these negative blocks and obstacles that hold us back from realising our highest potential. Authentic spiritual practice works to purify our five layers (koshas), starting with the outer body and moving inwards to the very subtle layers of the heart and mind.
A human being, when rid of their self-limiting obstacles will eventually come upon the truth of their existence, that in essence they are a vehicle for the pure expression of the divine force (The Profound Realisation after which the final journey begins).
So my spiritual practice is now my daily life. I watch how I think, react, speak, interact, how I face difficult and challenging situations, how I can neutralise negative habits and turn them around so that my presence in the world is positive and emanates love and light.
Lately I’ve been avidly scouring my Buddhist books for references to the “Noble Ones”, a Buddhist term given to stages of enlightenment. The first stage is called Stream Entry and it takes sustained effort and practice to enter this state of consciousness. When I came upon the definitions and teachings about the Noble Ones, my jaw immediately hit the floor. I recognised them. I was doing this level of work as part of my natural evolution, and without a teacher.
Stream Entry begins with an extraordinary experience of awakening which can come about through any dedicated spiritual practice (not necessarily Buddhist). The rather quaint Buddhist term for this awakening is a “path moment”. It’s like The Initiation, and once this happens, you enter into a stage of development that prevents any further indulgence in the old, negative patterns of thinking and acting. Something really big has changed in you forever. You’re a freshman in the school of Noble Ones! According to the texts, Stream Entry is recognisable by particular characteristics:
- A deep commitment to ethical principles (eg yamas and niyamas or precepts)
- All doubt is removed about the purpose of spiritual development
- Ignorance about the Self is removed (the belief that we are of a particular personality)
- Liberation from the belief in rites, rituals and religious practices (as opposed to genuine spiritual practice and inner work)
- Some traces of negative mind states will still be present such as personal desires, attachment, clinging, aversion, greed, anger, self-deception etc. but they are greatly diminished.
- Supreme importance is given to the widsom of knowing the truth of things.
It’s been hard to accept that this is where I am, especially as ‘I’ am not me anymore; I actually don’t even exist as a ‘person’ that this has happened to. One of the conundrums of the experience of No-Self is that as soon as you talk about it you are talking from the Self. But this all gets way too complicated to explain.
But anyway I’m up there, and since accepting it I’ve felt greatly consoled, like my entire life history and existence suddenly makes sense. But what has been more profound and valuable is that these teachings on the Noble Ones have shown me how to proceed. I've never had a teacher for this kind of inner spiritual work, but I've somehow got here on my own, which proves that old adage that the teacher is within.
Now I have a direction, I know what I have to work on and it’s so crystal clear and penetrating that it’s scary.
The awakening experience (or ‘path-moment’) changes your life – you see that which is behind all life; any idea that you exist as a separate entity with a particular personality is shot to pieces. This ego-identification is the Ignorance referred to in all Buddhist literature. Once you see through all this, you have no doubt about what you’re here for and then there’s no turning back; you have to follow the path towards the final freedom. It’s now a one way trip.
Following Stream Entry there are three more stages: Once Returner, Non-Returner and Arahant. To move on to these stages requires vigilant practice and the work is to gradually purify all negativity, counteract and dissolve all traces of desires, wanting, ill-will, aversion, greed etc…purge out all those negative mind states that pollute our essentially pure hearts. They say that a Stream Enterer has a maximum of seven more lives but they can also reach full enlightenment in this lifetime. A Once Returner has one more life, a Non-Returner is on the home stretch and an Arahant has arrived.
Teaching yoga will provide a challenging arena for me to confront and deal with many of my negative small minded thinking habits. I know it won’t be easy to stay on track, to stay aligned with the higher purpose, the purpose of expressing the divine through my teaching and my life and bringing this light into the lives of others, but the profound realisation is that I have no choice.
What an extraordinary and beautiful journey I am on. My life just keeps opening up to reveal more and more secrets, day by day.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Practice – Mondayitis
Practice has generally become consistently strong and really satisfying with the exception of Mondays. What is it in my psyche that smothers all good Monday practice intentions to death under the blanket of inertia? Bed holds me prisoner.
Despite promising Angie that I’d practice at the shala yesterday morning, as usual on a Monday I failed to get out of bed. Monday morning has a hex on it. I have no explanation. Do I have a psychological block to the start of the week, or maybe there’s an assertive sub-conscious directive for an extra sleep-in that overrides my resolute Sunday intentions? I don’t think it’s laziness…I have no problems getting out of bed at 5.15am for practice on any other morning. It’s a curious phenomena. Every Sunday I swear I’ll break the Monday morning drought, but when that alarm goes off, my sub-conscious overrides my will and sabotages it every time.
Up until today I’ve been taking the detour from Navasana straight to Baddha Konasana due to the bulging disc problem but this morning I did every pose from go to whoa in Primary series. Bhujapidasana and Garbha Pindasana felt great and the nine rolls just may have been my best ever! (what sense does that make when I haven’t done this for 2 months).
Kurmasana was about 80% - couldn’t quite get that strong heels-off-the-floor energy injection, and predictably, Supta Kurmasana was poor; being the pose that caused my injury it’s the one that will take a long time for my body to forgive. Although it was my first try for 2 months, I was still a bit dismayed that I couldn’t bind my wrists, but I guess with time, patience and care, it will return. Who knows…the injury may even be the catalyst for a total restructure of my body. Maybe it’s reconfiguring itself to allow a full binding of legs behind the head – something that’s always eluded me.
I play with the amusing thought that an injury breaks the body so that it can be put back together differently, reform in a different shape, an updated model perhaps that can do even more that the last one.
Such wishful thinking…
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Sunday 10th July 2005
Teaching yoga as a vehicle for enlightenment
Well I’m starting to get very excited and inspired about teaching yoga again.
I’ve done a lot of self reflection, evaluation and inner work over the past month or so to turn around the self-doubts and stalling that have been holding me back. Now it feels like I’ve cleared all that out, like I’m free of all the negative thinking around my ability to teach. Heck, I’ve been teaching for a few years now, long enough to watch my students progress and change and begin to discover life’s hidden dimensions. Some have contacted me recently asking me to teach again. Their loyalty and enthusiasm has helped me to finally accept that I have something really valuable and sacred to pass on.
Turning around self doubt has been a fascinating exercise – confronting all the hidden negative attitudes and the negative thoughts I have about myself. As I began to see them clearly, face them and question their validity, they began to disappear. They had no real substance, they were just thoughts but were exerting a powerful influence over me and all my decisions.
For me the purpose of both yoga and Buddhist practice is to purify the body and mind, to systematically work to release and remove these negative blocks and obstacles that hold us back from realising our highest potential. Authentic spiritual practice works to purify our five layers (koshas), starting with the outer body and moving inwards to the very subtle layers of the heart and mind.
A human being, when rid of their self-limiting obstacles will eventually come upon the truth of their existence, that in essence they are a vehicle for the pure expression of the divine force (The Profound Realisation after which the final journey begins).
So my spiritual practice is now my daily life. I watch how I think, react, speak, interact, how I face difficult and challenging situations, how I can neutralise negative habits and turn them around so that my presence in the world is positive and emanates love and light.
Lately I’ve been avidly scouring my Buddhist books for references to the “Noble Ones”, a Buddhist term given to stages of enlightenment. The first stage is called Stream Entry and it takes sustained effort and practice to enter this state of consciousness. When I came upon the definitions and teachings about the Noble Ones, my jaw immediately hit the floor. I recognised them. I was doing this level of work as part of my natural evolution, and without a teacher.
Stream Entry begins with an extraordinary experience of awakening which can come about through any dedicated spiritual practice (not necessarily Buddhist). The rather quaint Buddhist term for this awakening is a “path moment”. It’s like The Initiation, and once this happens, you enter into a stage of development that prevents any further indulgence in the old, negative patterns of thinking and acting. Something really big has changed in you forever. You’re a freshman in the school of Noble Ones! According to the texts, Stream Entry is recognisable by particular characteristics:
- A deep commitment to ethical principles (eg yamas and niyamas or precepts)
- All doubt is removed about the purpose of spiritual development
- Ignorance about the Self is removed (the belief that we are of a particular personality)
- Liberation from the belief in rites, rituals and religious practices (as opposed to genuine spiritual practice and inner work)
- Some traces of negative mind states will still be present such as personal desires, attachment, clinging, aversion, greed, anger, self-deception etc. but they are greatly diminished.
- Supreme importance is given to the widsom of knowing the truth of things.
It’s been hard to accept that this is where I am, especially as ‘I’ am not me anymore; I actually don’t even exist as a ‘person’ that this has happened to. One of the conundrums of the experience of No-Self is that as soon as you talk about it you are talking from the Self. But this all gets way too complicated to explain.
But anyway I’m up there, and since accepting it I’ve felt greatly consoled, like my entire life history and existence suddenly makes sense. But what has been more profound and valuable is that these teachings on the Noble Ones have shown me how to proceed. I've never had a teacher for this kind of inner spiritual work, but I've somehow got here on my own, which proves that old adage that the teacher is within.
Now I have a direction, I know what I have to work on and it’s so crystal clear and penetrating that it’s scary.
The awakening experience (or ‘path-moment’) changes your life – you see that which is behind all life; any idea that you exist as a separate entity with a particular personality is shot to pieces. This ego-identification is the Ignorance referred to in all Buddhist literature. Once you see through all this, you have no doubt about what you’re here for and then there’s no turning back; you have to follow the path towards the final freedom. It’s now a one way trip.
Following Stream Entry there are three more stages: Once Returner, Non-Returner and Arahant. To move on to these stages requires vigilant practice and the work is to gradually purify all negativity, counteract and dissolve all traces of desires, wanting, ill-will, aversion, greed etc…purge out all those negative mind states that pollute our essentially pure hearts. They say that a Stream Enterer has a maximum of seven more lives but they can also reach full enlightenment in this lifetime. A Once Returner has one more life, a Non-Returner is on the home stretch and an Arahant has arrived.
Teaching yoga will provide a challenging arena for me to confront and deal with many of my negative small minded thinking habits. I know it won’t be easy to stay on track, to stay aligned with the higher purpose, the purpose of expressing the divine through my teaching and my life and bringing this light into the lives of others, but the profound realisation is that I have no choice.
What an extraordinary and beautiful journey I am on. My life just keeps opening up to reveal more and more secrets, day by day.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
