Thursday 9th June 2005
No trouble getting up this morning. I actually woke at 5am bright eyed and happy, 10 minutes before the alarm was due to go off, and got to the shala at 5.40am to start practice with the other early birds. There’s usually 4 to 6 of them there by this time – the apprentice teachers, the hard core yogis, and a couple of people that have to start early so they can leave early for work.
Me, I’m none of those, I just like being an early bird so I don’t have to rush through my practice.
I spoke to Simi about my back, having deduced now that it’s a herniated lumbar disc. She gave me some floor exercises to do every day – all based on Bhujangasana. The first one is pretty much a classic Bhujangasana keeping the elbows bent.
The second one is similar but you rise up into the backbend (inhaling) leading firstly with the eyes and head; at the top of the movement, you turn the eyes and head fully to the side then exhale and lower, leading again with the eyes to bring the forehead back to the central starting point on the floor.
The third exercise starts laying face down on the floor again with, let’s say the left arm positioned forward of the head but not fully extended and the right arm bent with the hand on the floor next to the right chest. As you inhale and rise into the backbend you roll the hips a little so the left hip stays on the floor but the right hip is raised off the floor and simultaneously you bend up the right leg a little turning the head to the right to look at the right foot, then exhale and slide everything back to the starting position. Repeat a few times to the right first then to the left.
Simi insisted on no forward bends and no twists (which pretty well cuts out half of the Ashtanga practice) but suggested concentrating on standing poses and gentle backbending movements.
She had me doing modified Surja Namaskars; all Upward Dogs were on the metatarsals (flexed feet rather than the rolled over pointed toe position) with front thighs high off the floor.
In Surja Namaskar B when rising to the Virabhadrasana position, I had to keep my back knee on the floor (again back foot flexed) and hold the lunge position for 5 breaths. The extra backbend time encourages the bulging disc to move forward and back into place.
Modified Padangustasana was nice holding the toes and looking upward, maintaining a backbend in the lumbar region instead of a full forward bend. Any version of this pose would probably be counterindicated if I didn’t have flexible hamstrings as the pelvis wouldn’t be able to tilt forward. But for me it just felt great to get a good stretch in the hamstrings and entire spine at the same time.
I held most of the standing poses for 8 breaths, but found Parivritta Trikonasana pretty uncomfortable. It put a bit too much pressure on the lumbar so I modified it a bit and didn’t stay there as long. Hanumanasana was great – strong and challenging - so I spent a while enjoying it. I got my groin fully to the floor even though I hadn’t intended to. It’s funny how that happens – when you let go of all desire to ‘get’ a pose, or to get further, or to do it better and instead you just immerse yourself in the process, rest in the feelings and sensations that are arising with each moment and be fully open to what is happening. It becomes a pure experience where there’s no trace of desire– quite liberating.
This injury is helping me to be more fully present in each moment of my practice and it’s so delicious that I can’t wait to practice again, to be in that beautiful clear space where my mind contains no thoughts and is just spaciously and fully present.
After the standing poses, on Simi’s advice, I went straight to Setu Bandha Sarvangasana (although I might insert Purvottanasana here next time), then she suggested a short sequence which for me was a bit tame. Mat against the wall, laying on my stomach, head touching the wall and forehead to the floor, arms forward with forearms up the wall and palms flat, upper arms are on the floor, hold this for 5 breaths, then bring the palms together (little fingers touching the wall) and hold 5 breaths again, then draw the palms back behind the head for 5 breaths. I didn’t feel much anywhere from this sequence so I followed it with a few repetitions of Shalabhasana before going on to the finishing poses.
Again I couldn’t do Karna Pidasana – there’s just too much rounding of the lumbar spine which is dangerous for a bulging disc and the body immediately tells you so. I also had some trouble this morning getting my legs into Urdhva Padmasana from Sarvangasana - I hadn’t done any Padmasana poses for the entire session so it wasn’t surprising that it was a bit rough going, but I got there in the end. I think it was here that I realised I’d forgotten to do Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana and Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana in the standing poses.
My back started to stress a bit in Urdhva Padmasana so I rolled straight down and did Matsyasana – aaaaahhh sweet relief – the backbending moves are definitely the right medicine for bulging discs. Passed over Uttana Padasana…I probably could have done it I didn’t – just getting a bit lazy by that time. I layed down on my mat for a moment after Matsyasana and Simi called out “No Chakrasana” from the other end of the room! (not that I was even going to attempt it this morning anyway)
Sirsasana (Headstand) for 25 breaths. I wasn’t actually counting but it was a good stay whatever the number of breaths. After that I just sat in Padmasana without bending forward. All forward bends push the bulge in the disc further towards the back and my body knows instinctively this is a no-no.
Fell in love with my practice this morning – I really did. There’s a growing intimacy and inner connection happening, but also a humbleness. Injury has a way of softening the ego because you’re out of the race, you don’t have to try anymore – just leisurely enjoy the ride and the scenery.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Tuesday 7th June 2005
Small mind trying to recount when Big Mind infiltrated small practice
Something big began to move this morning. An attitude shift. I practised alone in the Gallery, thankful for the solitude and the opportunity to be fully with my self. This in itself is a revolution because for so long I’ve struggled to find the motivation to practice alone. In the past when no-one has turned up to practice with me I’ve either done a superficial short practice or none at all.
But lately, perhaps because of my back injury, I’ve found great solace and depth in my practice, and an intimacy that is plugging my practice firmly into my soul.
I’ve abandoned all notion of what I should or shouldn’t do and have allowed the innate intelligence of my body and mind to freely direct my practice.
I started this morning as usual with five Surja Namaskar As, but these were of a very different kind. The breath and movement were slowed down to macro time, up to 8 seconds for an inhalation or exhalation, the slow motion connecting each millimetre of movement with the breath. There was a naturally long rechaka/kumbhaka pause separating the breaths which sort of suspended me in a quiet void between each movement of the Surja Namaskar. The process was intensely rich and absorbing.
In my regular Surjas I often wobble to one side when rising from Uttanasana to Urdhva Vrikasana (Urdhva Hastasana), rising slightly off balance (occasionally really off balance). Moving so slowly and mindully this morning there was no room for error. My feet and legs were strong, solid and even, my breath pulled the earth energy up my central spine so precisely that left and right body were perfectly balanced on either side of it. I rose in perfect, slow motion symmetry like a flower opening up to the sun.
These moments of great awareness may seem small but their power leaves an imprint on the soul’s memory that changes us forever. I find this happens in meditation too. Each time I am able to enter a deep state of peace and connectedness in meditation, the imprint stays. No turning back.
After the Surja Namaskars I held some extended standing poses, exploring them from the inside out with a similar depth of awareness and utilising mula bandha as the power source.
Good old standing poses – they build strength, nobility and inner integrity.
A few quiet twists including Ardha Matsyendrasana helped me loosen and de-stress the tight, protective muscles around my lower back, then I layed down on my mat and had a little think about Urdhva Dhanurasana, should I or shouldn’t I….could I?
Prepared for it with Setu Bandha Sarvangasana. This simple, primary backbend challenges my legs more than my lower back so I used it more to get strong legs happening, staying as long as they’d hold me up. Tentatively pushed up into Urdhva Dh, but it wasn’t great and felt pretty threatening on my tender back so I tilted my pelvis to straighten out the lower back curve a bit and concentrated more on my shoulders and arms than trying to deepen my backbend. Used a strap around my elbows for the second one to help supoprt my arms while I tried to rotate my twisted right shoulder correctly. I’ve avoided working into this shoulder for a long time, preferring to focus more on deepening my impressive backbend. Yep...another weakness to face up to here.
Although my back is restricting my mobility in practice I’ve realised that I can narrow down my focus and zero in on specific areas more intently with greater awareness. If I could get myself together, I could use this period of back injury to build up more leg strength and grounding in the standing poses and work more specifically on correcting and opening my uneven shoulders. But more importantly it’s an opportunity to help me refocus my intent for practicing yoga to a more spiritual orientation.
All up, my non-Ashtanga asana practice lasted about one hour this morning and my grateful back was softer and almost mobile afterwards. I finished up sitting in meditation for 20 minutes then opened my eyes and must have moved my pelvis about one millimetre. FU**! SHOCK WAVE of intense pain gripped my entire lower back and hips and shot up to the centre of my brain. I nearly passed out.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
No trouble getting up this morning. I actually woke at 5am bright eyed and happy, 10 minutes before the alarm was due to go off, and got to the shala at 5.40am to start practice with the other early birds. There’s usually 4 to 6 of them there by this time – the apprentice teachers, the hard core yogis, and a couple of people that have to start early so they can leave early for work.
Me, I’m none of those, I just like being an early bird so I don’t have to rush through my practice.
I spoke to Simi about my back, having deduced now that it’s a herniated lumbar disc. She gave me some floor exercises to do every day – all based on Bhujangasana. The first one is pretty much a classic Bhujangasana keeping the elbows bent.
The second one is similar but you rise up into the backbend (inhaling) leading firstly with the eyes and head; at the top of the movement, you turn the eyes and head fully to the side then exhale and lower, leading again with the eyes to bring the forehead back to the central starting point on the floor.
The third exercise starts laying face down on the floor again with, let’s say the left arm positioned forward of the head but not fully extended and the right arm bent with the hand on the floor next to the right chest. As you inhale and rise into the backbend you roll the hips a little so the left hip stays on the floor but the right hip is raised off the floor and simultaneously you bend up the right leg a little turning the head to the right to look at the right foot, then exhale and slide everything back to the starting position. Repeat a few times to the right first then to the left.
Simi insisted on no forward bends and no twists (which pretty well cuts out half of the Ashtanga practice) but suggested concentrating on standing poses and gentle backbending movements.
She had me doing modified Surja Namaskars; all Upward Dogs were on the metatarsals (flexed feet rather than the rolled over pointed toe position) with front thighs high off the floor.
In Surja Namaskar B when rising to the Virabhadrasana position, I had to keep my back knee on the floor (again back foot flexed) and hold the lunge position for 5 breaths. The extra backbend time encourages the bulging disc to move forward and back into place.
Modified Padangustasana was nice holding the toes and looking upward, maintaining a backbend in the lumbar region instead of a full forward bend. Any version of this pose would probably be counterindicated if I didn’t have flexible hamstrings as the pelvis wouldn’t be able to tilt forward. But for me it just felt great to get a good stretch in the hamstrings and entire spine at the same time.
I held most of the standing poses for 8 breaths, but found Parivritta Trikonasana pretty uncomfortable. It put a bit too much pressure on the lumbar so I modified it a bit and didn’t stay there as long. Hanumanasana was great – strong and challenging - so I spent a while enjoying it. I got my groin fully to the floor even though I hadn’t intended to. It’s funny how that happens – when you let go of all desire to ‘get’ a pose, or to get further, or to do it better and instead you just immerse yourself in the process, rest in the feelings and sensations that are arising with each moment and be fully open to what is happening. It becomes a pure experience where there’s no trace of desire– quite liberating.
This injury is helping me to be more fully present in each moment of my practice and it’s so delicious that I can’t wait to practice again, to be in that beautiful clear space where my mind contains no thoughts and is just spaciously and fully present.
After the standing poses, on Simi’s advice, I went straight to Setu Bandha Sarvangasana (although I might insert Purvottanasana here next time), then she suggested a short sequence which for me was a bit tame. Mat against the wall, laying on my stomach, head touching the wall and forehead to the floor, arms forward with forearms up the wall and palms flat, upper arms are on the floor, hold this for 5 breaths, then bring the palms together (little fingers touching the wall) and hold 5 breaths again, then draw the palms back behind the head for 5 breaths. I didn’t feel much anywhere from this sequence so I followed it with a few repetitions of Shalabhasana before going on to the finishing poses.
Again I couldn’t do Karna Pidasana – there’s just too much rounding of the lumbar spine which is dangerous for a bulging disc and the body immediately tells you so. I also had some trouble this morning getting my legs into Urdhva Padmasana from Sarvangasana - I hadn’t done any Padmasana poses for the entire session so it wasn’t surprising that it was a bit rough going, but I got there in the end. I think it was here that I realised I’d forgotten to do Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana and Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana in the standing poses.
My back started to stress a bit in Urdhva Padmasana so I rolled straight down and did Matsyasana – aaaaahhh sweet relief – the backbending moves are definitely the right medicine for bulging discs. Passed over Uttana Padasana…I probably could have done it I didn’t – just getting a bit lazy by that time. I layed down on my mat for a moment after Matsyasana and Simi called out “No Chakrasana” from the other end of the room! (not that I was even going to attempt it this morning anyway)
Sirsasana (Headstand) for 25 breaths. I wasn’t actually counting but it was a good stay whatever the number of breaths. After that I just sat in Padmasana without bending forward. All forward bends push the bulge in the disc further towards the back and my body knows instinctively this is a no-no.
Fell in love with my practice this morning – I really did. There’s a growing intimacy and inner connection happening, but also a humbleness. Injury has a way of softening the ego because you’re out of the race, you don’t have to try anymore – just leisurely enjoy the ride and the scenery.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Tuesday 7th June 2005
Small mind trying to recount when Big Mind infiltrated small practice
Something big began to move this morning. An attitude shift. I practised alone in the Gallery, thankful for the solitude and the opportunity to be fully with my self. This in itself is a revolution because for so long I’ve struggled to find the motivation to practice alone. In the past when no-one has turned up to practice with me I’ve either done a superficial short practice or none at all.
But lately, perhaps because of my back injury, I’ve found great solace and depth in my practice, and an intimacy that is plugging my practice firmly into my soul.
I’ve abandoned all notion of what I should or shouldn’t do and have allowed the innate intelligence of my body and mind to freely direct my practice.
I started this morning as usual with five Surja Namaskar As, but these were of a very different kind. The breath and movement were slowed down to macro time, up to 8 seconds for an inhalation or exhalation, the slow motion connecting each millimetre of movement with the breath. There was a naturally long rechaka/kumbhaka pause separating the breaths which sort of suspended me in a quiet void between each movement of the Surja Namaskar. The process was intensely rich and absorbing.
In my regular Surjas I often wobble to one side when rising from Uttanasana to Urdhva Vrikasana (Urdhva Hastasana), rising slightly off balance (occasionally really off balance). Moving so slowly and mindully this morning there was no room for error. My feet and legs were strong, solid and even, my breath pulled the earth energy up my central spine so precisely that left and right body were perfectly balanced on either side of it. I rose in perfect, slow motion symmetry like a flower opening up to the sun.
These moments of great awareness may seem small but their power leaves an imprint on the soul’s memory that changes us forever. I find this happens in meditation too. Each time I am able to enter a deep state of peace and connectedness in meditation, the imprint stays. No turning back.
After the Surja Namaskars I held some extended standing poses, exploring them from the inside out with a similar depth of awareness and utilising mula bandha as the power source.
Good old standing poses – they build strength, nobility and inner integrity.
A few quiet twists including Ardha Matsyendrasana helped me loosen and de-stress the tight, protective muscles around my lower back, then I layed down on my mat and had a little think about Urdhva Dhanurasana, should I or shouldn’t I….could I?
Prepared for it with Setu Bandha Sarvangasana. This simple, primary backbend challenges my legs more than my lower back so I used it more to get strong legs happening, staying as long as they’d hold me up. Tentatively pushed up into Urdhva Dh, but it wasn’t great and felt pretty threatening on my tender back so I tilted my pelvis to straighten out the lower back curve a bit and concentrated more on my shoulders and arms than trying to deepen my backbend. Used a strap around my elbows for the second one to help supoprt my arms while I tried to rotate my twisted right shoulder correctly. I’ve avoided working into this shoulder for a long time, preferring to focus more on deepening my impressive backbend. Yep...another weakness to face up to here.
Although my back is restricting my mobility in practice I’ve realised that I can narrow down my focus and zero in on specific areas more intently with greater awareness. If I could get myself together, I could use this period of back injury to build up more leg strength and grounding in the standing poses and work more specifically on correcting and opening my uneven shoulders. But more importantly it’s an opportunity to help me refocus my intent for practicing yoga to a more spiritual orientation.
All up, my non-Ashtanga asana practice lasted about one hour this morning and my grateful back was softer and almost mobile afterwards. I finished up sitting in meditation for 20 minutes then opened my eyes and must have moved my pelvis about one millimetre. FU**! SHOCK WAVE of intense pain gripped my entire lower back and hips and shot up to the centre of my brain. I nearly passed out.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
