Diary of a yoga nobodhi

Friday 3rd June 2005

Led Primary was quite speedy this morning but fun – about 15 people in the class, not too full for a change. The sum total of everyone’s energy was uplifting at first, but as the class progressed and people tired, sloppy crept in and vinyasas became disconnected from Simi’s count. I’m glad I got there early as it meant I could be near the front, close to Simi. She did the full practice herself, staying on her mat, counting and calling the sequence quite simply without any instruction in the poses. I prefer this way of leading – it allows me to feel what’s happening in my body and mind. I can listen to my own breath. Too much instruction distracts me from the pratyahara of my practice which is probably why I prefer Mysore style now to led classes.

Even so, I did keep half an eye on Simi so I could follow some of her transitions in and out of poses. Just little things I picked up from her, like jumping through from Dog Pose and actually landing in the Janu Sirsasana position instead of jumping through to a Dandasana position (both legs extended) then folding in one leg; and Paschimottanasana D, raising arms above the head first to grab hold of one wrist before bending forward and reaching the hands past the feet. And Simi exited out of all the half Padmasana seated poses (Ardha Baddha Padma Paschimottanasana, Marichy B and D) by folding the second leg into full Padmasana then leaning forward onto her hands, lifting the Padmasana legs up and unfolding them springing to Chaturanga. Although I’ve mastered this transition, I’ve only been doing it after the Garbha Pindasana rolls.

My lower back is still in a state of seizure and – horror of horrors – I’m actually considering painkillers for it today. It’s now clear to me that its origin is from the spine and not the hip joints. Curving into Upward Dog got so painful as the practice progressed that I gasped a few time in shock. I did the first Urdhva Dhanurasana with a greater distance than usual between my hands and feet but could barely push up due to my lower back refusing to bend. I persisted patiently and gently. By the third one I’d worked my mortified body open a little and could walk my hands in two steps. No dropbacks – no way.
The thought of Chakrasana sent alarm bells through me so I stayed a couple of breaths in the Halasana position stretching my feet away from my head inch by inch while carefully curving over my lower back to help it release it’s vice-like grip. A good push off the hands and Chakrasana was done - I was safe.
But another shock as I tried to bend my knees from Halasana into Karna Pidasana. An instant wave of nausea from the pain in my back – and an alarming warning that something’s really, really wrong here.

This back pain/ache/injury has become psychologically draining as well as physically debilitating. It may be caused by or connected somehow to the block I’ve always come up against in Supta Kurmasana. I have this fantasy that the Ashtanga fairy appears while I’m holding my pathetic version of Supta Kurmasana, she touches my spine with her magic, luminous wand and – Hallellujah - my ankles slide behind my head and all emotional blockages in my lower back suddenly disappear. I’m free, healed forever and live happily ever after.
Long sigh................................................

And now,
back to the present,
real life,
incapacitation
and pain killers.

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