Diary of a yoga nobodhi

Friday 17th June 2005

I wanted to get to three morning classes at the shala this week (Wed, Thurs and Fri) which, along with two practices in the Gallery (Tues and Sat), would have made a grand total of five.
But at 5am yesterday morning my bed was too warm and yummy so I snuggled in deeper and stayed there. Four practices is OK I guess – especially if I abandon my unrealistic expectations and drop the guilt of not living up to them.
From next week I’ll have to do at least three classes a week at the shala for three consecutive weeks to avoid wasting the money I spent on a 20 class ticket. I think it expires on July 4th. Financial law enforcement…great incentive.

Took a bit of a gamble going to Led Primary this morning while still in recovery from this bulging disc. Had to hold back in all the forward bends and not even attempt some of the risky poses (the Marichys, Bhuja and Kurmasana). It took a lot of inner conviction to hold back while facing and tempering my desire to excel. I was also able to catch an occasional small minded thought like “jeez, the people on either side of me might be thinking I’m a beginner, or a WIMP because I can’t do these poses”. Yuk.
This thought was fleeting though – it was good practice to recognise these small minded thoughts as they arose and then consciously return to a practice of inner integrity, happily modifying the poses to prevent further damage. The path to enlightenment is all about purifying the mind and eliminating all negative and impure thoughts that perpetuate and feed our illusion of a separate self. I've noticed lately that conceited small minded thoughts are becoming less and less as my mind becomes more and more illuminated, but there's still a lot of inner work to do before they're completely eradicated.

The Led Primary this morning had a couple of wildcards thrown in. Simi’s taken to breaking up the Surja Namaskars lately, holding some of the positions for 5 breaths and inserting a lunge into Surja A with the back knee on the ground; from there you move the hips back which takes you to a sort of Parsvottanasana with hands on the floor. She also did the research sequence before Kurmasana with some seated hip opening moves and legs-behind-the-head, emphasising that the shin should be parallel to the floor when behind the head or else it will push the head forward and make you grumpy! Needless to say I couldn’t even attempt the sequence in my current disabled state, so I just sat with spine erect and held my shin up parallel to the floor across the front of my chest.

Injuries, interruptions and set backs will always occur in the physical practices. You wanna jump around for 2 hours every morning, you have to accept that the chances of injury are much higher than the average person's (more on a par with top athletes). The real heart of yoga practice is not asana, pranayama, kundalini awakening or even meditative absorbtions; it’s to accept and open up to whatever IS with a joyful and pure heart.

Overall it was reassuring to finally do a relatively full practice despite modifying about half of it. I’m so glad I took the gamble.

Getting back in the groove…slowly…

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