Wednesday 4th May
Turning up to Mysore class this morning was real tough after these last two weeks. Quite the antithesis to meditation. I felt shaky for most of the practice and lay part blame on the two strong espressos I had yesterday. At the retreat there was only herbal tea and black tea with breakfast and lunch so I drank very weak black tea (one tea bag dunk strength). Any stronger than this and it would make my mind racy and interfere with the meditation. After 10 days my caffeine addiction was well and truly broken and I could have kept clean but hey, quite frankly that's the last thing I want to do. I love coffee. My body hasn’t re-embraced the coffee habit yet, but I’m working on it.
Not as light in my body as yesterday. I’ve had two full days at work and I’m settling back into domestic routines, but with the massive onslaught of mental stimulation and agitation that is my everyday life, the clear mental spaces created during the retreat are slowly but surely being filled in with mundane paraphernalia. I can feel my mind surrendering to this assault while longing for quietude.
Despite that, life is expanding outwards into multidimensional arenas and it’s very exciting.
I signed up at the shala for 10 classes over the next five weeks, but will probably top that up to a 2 month (20 class) commitment with my next pay cheque. It’s so good to come back to this lovely place. I felt quite fragile today but Simi’s very perceptive – she treated me very gently.
She did a nice adjustment in Prasaritta Padottanasana C where she stepped her right leg into the space between my back and my hands and used her two hands to press my hands towards the floor while pressing the back of her right leg into my spine to straighten it. I love the adjustments where the teacher uses their entire body to manoeuvre you, two bodies talking to each other through skin, weight – one guiding, one listening and yielding. Not as subtle as the tip of the finger adjustments that gently show you the way in.
I sort of bullied my way into Supta Kurmasana today with Simi’s help and eventually we got there, ankles crossed firmly behind my head. One day I’ll crack that pose on my own but it probably won’t be in the next decade.
In Navasana, Simi has us all holding our heels at the moment to get the correct position –it’s actually much higher that I thought.
Not much else to note except I made an exerted and wilful effort to untwist my knotty right shoulder in Urdhva Dhanurasana. When I press up into the backbend the right shoulder wants to rotate outwards, my elbow starts to buckle and this causes my hand to turn out slightly. It takes a minute or two and a few goes to press that arm really straight, working from deep within the shoulder joint to get it rotating inwards so the energy moves strongly through the entire arm, my fingers stay pointed straight back and the wrist is flexed evenly.
After progressively deepening the curve of my upper spine and working that shoulder over the course of four backbends, I wasn’t convinced that I was open enough to attempt dropbacks today, but I just sort of said “What the heck”, stood up on the mat and did it anyway. I knew my body was still generally stiff from the 10 days of intense meditation, but my mind felt soft and open and fully present. The mind is definitely the key: no mental tension, no thinking, no mind, just crack a smile and then just do it. I dropped back quite gracefully three times, then got squashed into Paschimottanasana before doing some assisted handstand dropbacks. They were a bit of a clumsy climax – I haven’t done them for ages so my body had forgotten the feeling – legs weren’t grounded enough, head came up too soon, forgot to keep a deep curve in the upper back as I stood up from the Urhva Dh position. But no matter, I’ll get plenty of opportunities to improve them with Simi over the next few weeks.
So I’m back in the Ashtanga loop again and planning to do two, maybe three early morning Mysore classes a week this month, adding in one or two self practice sessions in the Gallery space when the glass exhibition finishes in a couple of weeks. Commitments to anything after a Vipassana retreat are tenuous though. In these early stages, I can’t tell what’s happened or what’s changed, how the subconscious shifts will settle and what will eventuate from them. After intensive retreats you’re not the same person as before. It will take a few months until the changes are processed through my subconscious and a clear direction emerges. So my plans to set up and teach yoga classes in the Gallery space are on hold for now until the dust settles.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Tuesday 3rd May 2005
This morning I did my first yoga practice since the retreat, so it was my first practice in 2 weeks. My body was very light, but it wasn’t a physical lightness due to weight loss (in fact I weigh the same as when I left). It was more of a metaphysical lightness, the result of a light mind. Intense meditation that demands you to be fully present in the Now seems to release a lot of subconscious tension, and I think everyone who’s done a retreat remembers that feeling of being clean, light and free for quite a while afterwards.
Kosta and I had to practice in the art school classrooms this morning due to a glass exhibition in the Gallery space where we usually practice. We both ended up smeared with charcoal which isn’t very healthy, so we probably won’t practice there again. Until we can use the Gallery again in a couple of weeks, we’ll do some extra classes at the shala instead.
So this incredible lightness of being produced a few really floaty jumpbacks today. Unfortunately the downside of 10 days of sitting was a loss of muscular strength, a drop in aerobic fitness and a less flexible body, except for my normally stiff right knee which folded into the Padmasana poses with lovely ease. Is it possible that the muscles can be tighter but the joints more open?
A gentle mindfulness and equanimity suffused the practice from beginning to end, with body and mind intertwined like lovers.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Turning up to Mysore class this morning was real tough after these last two weeks. Quite the antithesis to meditation. I felt shaky for most of the practice and lay part blame on the two strong espressos I had yesterday. At the retreat there was only herbal tea and black tea with breakfast and lunch so I drank very weak black tea (one tea bag dunk strength). Any stronger than this and it would make my mind racy and interfere with the meditation. After 10 days my caffeine addiction was well and truly broken and I could have kept clean but hey, quite frankly that's the last thing I want to do. I love coffee. My body hasn’t re-embraced the coffee habit yet, but I’m working on it.
Not as light in my body as yesterday. I’ve had two full days at work and I’m settling back into domestic routines, but with the massive onslaught of mental stimulation and agitation that is my everyday life, the clear mental spaces created during the retreat are slowly but surely being filled in with mundane paraphernalia. I can feel my mind surrendering to this assault while longing for quietude.
Despite that, life is expanding outwards into multidimensional arenas and it’s very exciting.
I signed up at the shala for 10 classes over the next five weeks, but will probably top that up to a 2 month (20 class) commitment with my next pay cheque. It’s so good to come back to this lovely place. I felt quite fragile today but Simi’s very perceptive – she treated me very gently.
She did a nice adjustment in Prasaritta Padottanasana C where she stepped her right leg into the space between my back and my hands and used her two hands to press my hands towards the floor while pressing the back of her right leg into my spine to straighten it. I love the adjustments where the teacher uses their entire body to manoeuvre you, two bodies talking to each other through skin, weight – one guiding, one listening and yielding. Not as subtle as the tip of the finger adjustments that gently show you the way in.
I sort of bullied my way into Supta Kurmasana today with Simi’s help and eventually we got there, ankles crossed firmly behind my head. One day I’ll crack that pose on my own but it probably won’t be in the next decade.
In Navasana, Simi has us all holding our heels at the moment to get the correct position –it’s actually much higher that I thought.
Not much else to note except I made an exerted and wilful effort to untwist my knotty right shoulder in Urdhva Dhanurasana. When I press up into the backbend the right shoulder wants to rotate outwards, my elbow starts to buckle and this causes my hand to turn out slightly. It takes a minute or two and a few goes to press that arm really straight, working from deep within the shoulder joint to get it rotating inwards so the energy moves strongly through the entire arm, my fingers stay pointed straight back and the wrist is flexed evenly.
After progressively deepening the curve of my upper spine and working that shoulder over the course of four backbends, I wasn’t convinced that I was open enough to attempt dropbacks today, but I just sort of said “What the heck”, stood up on the mat and did it anyway. I knew my body was still generally stiff from the 10 days of intense meditation, but my mind felt soft and open and fully present. The mind is definitely the key: no mental tension, no thinking, no mind, just crack a smile and then just do it. I dropped back quite gracefully three times, then got squashed into Paschimottanasana before doing some assisted handstand dropbacks. They were a bit of a clumsy climax – I haven’t done them for ages so my body had forgotten the feeling – legs weren’t grounded enough, head came up too soon, forgot to keep a deep curve in the upper back as I stood up from the Urhva Dh position. But no matter, I’ll get plenty of opportunities to improve them with Simi over the next few weeks.
So I’m back in the Ashtanga loop again and planning to do two, maybe three early morning Mysore classes a week this month, adding in one or two self practice sessions in the Gallery space when the glass exhibition finishes in a couple of weeks. Commitments to anything after a Vipassana retreat are tenuous though. In these early stages, I can’t tell what’s happened or what’s changed, how the subconscious shifts will settle and what will eventuate from them. After intensive retreats you’re not the same person as before. It will take a few months until the changes are processed through my subconscious and a clear direction emerges. So my plans to set up and teach yoga classes in the Gallery space are on hold for now until the dust settles.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Tuesday 3rd May 2005
This morning I did my first yoga practice since the retreat, so it was my first practice in 2 weeks. My body was very light, but it wasn’t a physical lightness due to weight loss (in fact I weigh the same as when I left). It was more of a metaphysical lightness, the result of a light mind. Intense meditation that demands you to be fully present in the Now seems to release a lot of subconscious tension, and I think everyone who’s done a retreat remembers that feeling of being clean, light and free for quite a while afterwards.
Kosta and I had to practice in the art school classrooms this morning due to a glass exhibition in the Gallery space where we usually practice. We both ended up smeared with charcoal which isn’t very healthy, so we probably won’t practice there again. Until we can use the Gallery again in a couple of weeks, we’ll do some extra classes at the shala instead.
So this incredible lightness of being produced a few really floaty jumpbacks today. Unfortunately the downside of 10 days of sitting was a loss of muscular strength, a drop in aerobic fitness and a less flexible body, except for my normally stiff right knee which folded into the Padmasana poses with lovely ease. Is it possible that the muscles can be tighter but the joints more open?
A gentle mindfulness and equanimity suffused the practice from beginning to end, with body and mind intertwined like lovers.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
