Friday 15th April
Random Thoughts on Teaching
Well this definitely feels like a period of endings and beginnings.
Last night I taught my final Thursday night class at Rebecca’s yoga studio and tomorrow I’ll teach my last Saturday class there.
Next Tuesday I head off for 10 days of solitude and doing service at the Vipassana retreat, sitting part of the course and doing kitchen duty for the rest of it.
As it often does, the Vipassana heralds a clear break between what I’ve been doing up til now and my vision for a new beginning, the natural cycle of death and rebirth. A Vipassana retreat is the negative space between two shapes, the pregnant pause between two breaths.
When I return, it will be the start of May, and although I return to my full time job, it will be a month of no yoga teaching, a month of increasing and deepening my own practice, a month of reflection, internalisation and planning where to go from here with both my yoga practice and my teaching.
New possibilities always feel so exciting.
Last night’s class dispelled any doubts I’ve been having about my value as a teacher.
I’ve built up a very established group of 8-12 regulars, and I wanted to make the last class special and a little different for them, so I’d planned to lead them through an abridged Ashtanga sequence, bringing a lot more focus on continually moving and flowing with the breath, a fiery culmination to their time with me, sort of like the last big bangs of a fireworks show.
I’ve been teaching at the studio in the Iyengar style, being careful not to bring in elements of Ashtanga as I have great respect for the correct way of teaching/learning Ashtanga.
But for this class I really wanted to challenge and inspire them with this beautiful form of yoga. True to form, four new people turned up for the class, one of them a 60 year old funny little man, and I had to decide whether to proceed with my plan. I did…and pulled it off with great panache and sensitivity, giving lots of alternatives for those who were less advanced but still keeping a sense of flow from beginning to end.
At the start of the class the students came in and set themselves up in Supta Baddha Konasana over bolsters which is the usual ritual. When I asked them to come up, Rebecca came into the class with an enormous bunch of flowers and gave a lovely farewell sort of speech. It was a complete surprise and the response from the students was overwhelming. They expressed mass grief at losing me as their teacher and I could empathise with them, having experienced the same loss myself. Teachers are not supposed to leave you!
After that the class took flight and I had such a great time with them.
At the end, after they rose from Savasana, I did something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time. I spoke from my heart about the spiritual journey. I really wanted to leave them with something to inspire them on their journey. I spoke of our searching, the questions we ask in moments of deep reflection such as who are we, what is our purpose, is there a purpose, why do things happen in our life, is there a meaning behind it all. These are the BIG questions and most people believe they are too big to even contemplate, that there are no answers, that there is no beginning or end to such questions. I reassured them that they must ask these questions with all their heart and not give up, that they will be led to the answers if they genuinely want to find them, that there is one Truth behind our individual lives and all of creation but many ways to discover it. We are meant to discover/uncover it, and the path of yoga provides a map.
That was my parting gift to my students last night and I felt elated at finally finding my true teaching voice.
So having expressed such things in a teaching situation, I now feel inspired to teach more about the spiritual path. I don’t think I can continue to teach asana alone and out of its greater context any more. So many people are looking for something else, something real that can bring a greater meaning into their lives. Initially they are drawn to yoga for unknown or superficial reasons, but a good teacher can gently guide people to begin asking the questions that will transform their lives forever. Is it conceivable that I could do this? Do I really have the confidence and teaching skills to tap into the soul longing that is deep in people’s hearts and nurture it out into the open?
My own confidence and self-belief waxes and wanes as I myself oscillate in and out of that joyful state of exalted union with the creator. My teaching over the past couple of years has often reflected this struggle to overcome the inadequacies of my small self and maintain my connection with the creator where my small self dissolves into no-self and I become a vehicle for the expression of universal truths.
Simi’s Led Primary Class
I chose to go to Simi’s led Primary class this morning instead of Darren’s led Iyengar class, just because I’ve missed her inspirational energy so much over the last 9 months.
It started with everyone seated and chanting Om, then Simi encouraged us to sing along with her some Sanskrit songs which I don’t know. I just listened at first then meekly hummed along when the repetative tune started to sound familiar. Simi’s exuberance and joy spills out into song which is quite lovely, but I’m much more reserved by nature so devotional singing doesn’t come naturally to me. It didn’t feel right to sing, but it didn’t feel right to sit in Padmasana like a lump of stone either. Didn’t quite find a happy medium there, but no matter…after a very long 10 minutes, the singing came to an end and we started the practice.
A small liberty that Simi takes with led Primary is to hold us for 5 breaths in Upward Dog Pose in the first Suryanamaskar A, for 4 breaths in the second, 3 breaths in the third, 2 breaths in the fourth and one breath in the last one. It’s a slightly more intense, and slower start to the practice, especially if you’re not feeling too warm and bendy.
And then, Praise the Lord, most people did Surjanamaskar B just like me! So folks, I’m not stuck in the dark ages with an ancient version.
We also did Samakonasana and Hanumanasana after the Prasarittas which I usually do in my practice. A couple of other additions today were
- jumping back to Samasthithi after each of the four Prasarittas
- Trivikramasana after Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana
- Bakasana after Utkatasana
- No vinyasa between Paschimottanasana and Purvottanasana
We got quadruple time in Supta Kurmasana as Simi split the class in half and endeavoured to get everyone on my side bound with legs crossed. The other half (all of them guys by coincidence) she sent to the wall to do something like a wide legged Uttanasana (forward bend) with their arms through the inside of the legs and connecting the hands with a strap, similar I guess to a standing version of Kurmasana with bound hands.
I totally messed up my chances in Garbha Pindasana again, even though I’d oiled up my arms before practice. Somehow I just wasn’t quick enough off the mark to get the water bottle and do the whole spraying ritual. I made the initial wrong decision to just wrap my arms around my Padmasana legs, then reversed my decision and tried to push my arms through my legs without hitching up my pants which just didn’t work. I remember Simi once saying that skin and fabric just don’t slide…you have to get bare skin on bare skin or else fabric on fabric. What was I thinking? When I realised it was useless, I hitched up my pants, grabbed the water bottle and sprayed my arms but by that time everyone had done their rolling around and it was Kukkutasana time, so I gave up on the idea of rolling around and skipped it altogether.
Simi gave me some help with a couple of dropbacks but the people either side of me were dropping back and coming up like there was no tomorrow. She put me into Paschimottanasana and helped the other two with handstand dropbacks. I felt a twinge of jealousy. It’s been a long time since I got pushed over the edge of insanity with these. But my time will come again when I pick up my practice more seriously again from next month.
At the end of my stay in Headstand Simi gave me some light support to stay on balance so I could lift my head up off the floor into a variation of Pincha Mayurasana, holding it easily for 5 breaths. From there I lowered my head to the floor, stayed a few more breaths in Sirsasana, then lowered my legs into Ardha Sirsasana for 5 breaths, very conscious of doing it well as Simi was right next to me. Floating the legs back up to Headstand for one breath I was on my way back down again when I got the instruction to hover with my toes two inches off the floor, then raise the legs back up to vertical and repeat this 5 times. Great move in theory but I just wasn’t mentally prepared for it. After lowering my straight legs so the toes were two inches off the floor, my brain slipped into its hardwired groove and I touched down for Balasana, breaking the spell.
I was the last one to finish today and I noticed that those finishing before me all skipped Savasana. So I did too, otherwise I’d be laying in Savasana with only Simi in the room. I might be holding her up.
After packing up and paying up, we hugged and chatted a little.
I walked out into the city streets with glowing eyes, glowing skin, floating along a few inches above the pavement, every cell infused with a buoyant light energy. What a beautiful life…
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Monday 11th April
What did I ultimately get out of my short trip to Sydney?
I finally discovered and instantly fell in love with my boyfriend after all these years.
Now he’s in China. Sweet misery.
____________________________________________________________________________________________
Saturday 9th April 2005
My second day in Sydney
Managed to get to the 4pm led class at Yogamoves with Trevor, a very seasoned teacher, lithe, energetic, and a little skinny as many Ashtangi men seem to be.
A short conversation just before the class revealed that he’s become one of Shandor’s Shadow Yoga converts, but I didn’t pick up any the shadow stuff in his teaching.
The room was full (about 30 people) and today there were two rows of mats facing centre but barely enough room for everyone. Trevor led us through 3 Suryanamaskar A and 3 Bs, then the entire Primary series followed by Ustrasana, Shalabhasana A and B, Bhekasana, Dhanurasana, Parsva Dhanurasana, Setu Bhandasana, Urdhva Dhanurasana then the finishing sequence. All in one and a half hours if you can believe that.
Despite the big class, Trevor seemed to get around to everyone. I got adjusted in Triang Mukhaikapada and a nice adjustment on the second side of Marichyasana A where he grabbed under my right thigh from behind, asked if the hamstring was OK (I said yes with great delight after a long recovery time from my previous hamstring tear). He then proceeded to draw the hamstring flesh back while depressing my left back ribs forward and down.
I always feel a bit shortchanged getting adjusted on one side only because you get to go so deep on that side and the second side just doesn’t compare. It leaves an impression of imbalance in the body. But what the heck, in a big class you can’t be greedy and expect full attention, especially when the teacher doesn’t even know you.
The real highlight of this class was practising next to my boyfriend for the first time. In the five and a half years we’ve been together, we’ve never done a class or practiced together. He was my primary yoga teacher for a number of years, and I guess he felt it was inappropriate for teacher and student to practice together.
I wonder if this has finally shifted.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Random Thoughts on Teaching
Well this definitely feels like a period of endings and beginnings.
Last night I taught my final Thursday night class at Rebecca’s yoga studio and tomorrow I’ll teach my last Saturday class there.
Next Tuesday I head off for 10 days of solitude and doing service at the Vipassana retreat, sitting part of the course and doing kitchen duty for the rest of it.
As it often does, the Vipassana heralds a clear break between what I’ve been doing up til now and my vision for a new beginning, the natural cycle of death and rebirth. A Vipassana retreat is the negative space between two shapes, the pregnant pause between two breaths.
When I return, it will be the start of May, and although I return to my full time job, it will be a month of no yoga teaching, a month of increasing and deepening my own practice, a month of reflection, internalisation and planning where to go from here with both my yoga practice and my teaching.
New possibilities always feel so exciting.
Last night’s class dispelled any doubts I’ve been having about my value as a teacher.
I’ve built up a very established group of 8-12 regulars, and I wanted to make the last class special and a little different for them, so I’d planned to lead them through an abridged Ashtanga sequence, bringing a lot more focus on continually moving and flowing with the breath, a fiery culmination to their time with me, sort of like the last big bangs of a fireworks show.
I’ve been teaching at the studio in the Iyengar style, being careful not to bring in elements of Ashtanga as I have great respect for the correct way of teaching/learning Ashtanga.
But for this class I really wanted to challenge and inspire them with this beautiful form of yoga. True to form, four new people turned up for the class, one of them a 60 year old funny little man, and I had to decide whether to proceed with my plan. I did…and pulled it off with great panache and sensitivity, giving lots of alternatives for those who were less advanced but still keeping a sense of flow from beginning to end.
At the start of the class the students came in and set themselves up in Supta Baddha Konasana over bolsters which is the usual ritual. When I asked them to come up, Rebecca came into the class with an enormous bunch of flowers and gave a lovely farewell sort of speech. It was a complete surprise and the response from the students was overwhelming. They expressed mass grief at losing me as their teacher and I could empathise with them, having experienced the same loss myself. Teachers are not supposed to leave you!
After that the class took flight and I had such a great time with them.
At the end, after they rose from Savasana, I did something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time. I spoke from my heart about the spiritual journey. I really wanted to leave them with something to inspire them on their journey. I spoke of our searching, the questions we ask in moments of deep reflection such as who are we, what is our purpose, is there a purpose, why do things happen in our life, is there a meaning behind it all. These are the BIG questions and most people believe they are too big to even contemplate, that there are no answers, that there is no beginning or end to such questions. I reassured them that they must ask these questions with all their heart and not give up, that they will be led to the answers if they genuinely want to find them, that there is one Truth behind our individual lives and all of creation but many ways to discover it. We are meant to discover/uncover it, and the path of yoga provides a map.
That was my parting gift to my students last night and I felt elated at finally finding my true teaching voice.
So having expressed such things in a teaching situation, I now feel inspired to teach more about the spiritual path. I don’t think I can continue to teach asana alone and out of its greater context any more. So many people are looking for something else, something real that can bring a greater meaning into their lives. Initially they are drawn to yoga for unknown or superficial reasons, but a good teacher can gently guide people to begin asking the questions that will transform their lives forever. Is it conceivable that I could do this? Do I really have the confidence and teaching skills to tap into the soul longing that is deep in people’s hearts and nurture it out into the open?
My own confidence and self-belief waxes and wanes as I myself oscillate in and out of that joyful state of exalted union with the creator. My teaching over the past couple of years has often reflected this struggle to overcome the inadequacies of my small self and maintain my connection with the creator where my small self dissolves into no-self and I become a vehicle for the expression of universal truths.
Simi’s Led Primary Class
I chose to go to Simi’s led Primary class this morning instead of Darren’s led Iyengar class, just because I’ve missed her inspirational energy so much over the last 9 months.
It started with everyone seated and chanting Om, then Simi encouraged us to sing along with her some Sanskrit songs which I don’t know. I just listened at first then meekly hummed along when the repetative tune started to sound familiar. Simi’s exuberance and joy spills out into song which is quite lovely, but I’m much more reserved by nature so devotional singing doesn’t come naturally to me. It didn’t feel right to sing, but it didn’t feel right to sit in Padmasana like a lump of stone either. Didn’t quite find a happy medium there, but no matter…after a very long 10 minutes, the singing came to an end and we started the practice.
A small liberty that Simi takes with led Primary is to hold us for 5 breaths in Upward Dog Pose in the first Suryanamaskar A, for 4 breaths in the second, 3 breaths in the third, 2 breaths in the fourth and one breath in the last one. It’s a slightly more intense, and slower start to the practice, especially if you’re not feeling too warm and bendy.
And then, Praise the Lord, most people did Surjanamaskar B just like me! So folks, I’m not stuck in the dark ages with an ancient version.
We also did Samakonasana and Hanumanasana after the Prasarittas which I usually do in my practice. A couple of other additions today were
- jumping back to Samasthithi after each of the four Prasarittas
- Trivikramasana after Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana
- Bakasana after Utkatasana
- No vinyasa between Paschimottanasana and Purvottanasana
We got quadruple time in Supta Kurmasana as Simi split the class in half and endeavoured to get everyone on my side bound with legs crossed. The other half (all of them guys by coincidence) she sent to the wall to do something like a wide legged Uttanasana (forward bend) with their arms through the inside of the legs and connecting the hands with a strap, similar I guess to a standing version of Kurmasana with bound hands.
I totally messed up my chances in Garbha Pindasana again, even though I’d oiled up my arms before practice. Somehow I just wasn’t quick enough off the mark to get the water bottle and do the whole spraying ritual. I made the initial wrong decision to just wrap my arms around my Padmasana legs, then reversed my decision and tried to push my arms through my legs without hitching up my pants which just didn’t work. I remember Simi once saying that skin and fabric just don’t slide…you have to get bare skin on bare skin or else fabric on fabric. What was I thinking? When I realised it was useless, I hitched up my pants, grabbed the water bottle and sprayed my arms but by that time everyone had done their rolling around and it was Kukkutasana time, so I gave up on the idea of rolling around and skipped it altogether.
Simi gave me some help with a couple of dropbacks but the people either side of me were dropping back and coming up like there was no tomorrow. She put me into Paschimottanasana and helped the other two with handstand dropbacks. I felt a twinge of jealousy. It’s been a long time since I got pushed over the edge of insanity with these. But my time will come again when I pick up my practice more seriously again from next month.
At the end of my stay in Headstand Simi gave me some light support to stay on balance so I could lift my head up off the floor into a variation of Pincha Mayurasana, holding it easily for 5 breaths. From there I lowered my head to the floor, stayed a few more breaths in Sirsasana, then lowered my legs into Ardha Sirsasana for 5 breaths, very conscious of doing it well as Simi was right next to me. Floating the legs back up to Headstand for one breath I was on my way back down again when I got the instruction to hover with my toes two inches off the floor, then raise the legs back up to vertical and repeat this 5 times. Great move in theory but I just wasn’t mentally prepared for it. After lowering my straight legs so the toes were two inches off the floor, my brain slipped into its hardwired groove and I touched down for Balasana, breaking the spell.
I was the last one to finish today and I noticed that those finishing before me all skipped Savasana. So I did too, otherwise I’d be laying in Savasana with only Simi in the room. I might be holding her up.
After packing up and paying up, we hugged and chatted a little.
I walked out into the city streets with glowing eyes, glowing skin, floating along a few inches above the pavement, every cell infused with a buoyant light energy. What a beautiful life…
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Monday 11th April
What did I ultimately get out of my short trip to Sydney?
I finally discovered and instantly fell in love with my boyfriend after all these years.
Now he’s in China. Sweet misery.
____________________________________________________________________________________________
Saturday 9th April 2005
My second day in Sydney
Managed to get to the 4pm led class at Yogamoves with Trevor, a very seasoned teacher, lithe, energetic, and a little skinny as many Ashtangi men seem to be.
A short conversation just before the class revealed that he’s become one of Shandor’s Shadow Yoga converts, but I didn’t pick up any the shadow stuff in his teaching.
The room was full (about 30 people) and today there were two rows of mats facing centre but barely enough room for everyone. Trevor led us through 3 Suryanamaskar A and 3 Bs, then the entire Primary series followed by Ustrasana, Shalabhasana A and B, Bhekasana, Dhanurasana, Parsva Dhanurasana, Setu Bhandasana, Urdhva Dhanurasana then the finishing sequence. All in one and a half hours if you can believe that.
Despite the big class, Trevor seemed to get around to everyone. I got adjusted in Triang Mukhaikapada and a nice adjustment on the second side of Marichyasana A where he grabbed under my right thigh from behind, asked if the hamstring was OK (I said yes with great delight after a long recovery time from my previous hamstring tear). He then proceeded to draw the hamstring flesh back while depressing my left back ribs forward and down.
I always feel a bit shortchanged getting adjusted on one side only because you get to go so deep on that side and the second side just doesn’t compare. It leaves an impression of imbalance in the body. But what the heck, in a big class you can’t be greedy and expect full attention, especially when the teacher doesn’t even know you.
The real highlight of this class was practising next to my boyfriend for the first time. In the five and a half years we’ve been together, we’ve never done a class or practiced together. He was my primary yoga teacher for a number of years, and I guess he felt it was inappropriate for teacher and student to practice together.
I wonder if this has finally shifted.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
