Thursday 31st March 2005
There's a new exhibition of paintings by two artists - Brigid Noone and Mary-Jean Richardson going up in the Art Gallery where we do our morning Ashtanga practice. Brigid's artist statement was so poignent and real, that I wanted to post it. What a refreshing change to read an artists statement that exposes vulnerable feelings so honestly...
"I paint to make sense of my internal and external world.
I live in a world where there are super models and suicide bombers. I am still the same person I was as a child. All that I had was my internal world, the intimacy of safe spaces. The world has been and is a shock to me. The world that is shown is in my face, seriously how is it that bad? Images jump out at me from photo albums, news papers, magazines and my camera. Eyes become de-sensitised, how can art compete with being a consumer, we are communicated to through desire everyday.
The superficiality of beautiful nothingness the obsession with our hair, and how we are seen. To reveal the right pre ordered amount of self. I don’t want to be an ironic artist, I want to show you my soft side.
Light inspires me, and colour is my world.
Spaces of awkwardness, seeing a feeling on someone’s face when they were convinced that no one could see their innermost vulnerability, that escaped in a moment. To catch a glance of secret sadness, uncertainty, hopelessness, forgotten childhood magic.
The vulnerability of naked men, naked boys look at me like I felt when I was little. “What was it like to be a little girl?” he asked, same as you I was vulnerable before I knew what it meant. When do you get ok with being tough? When is a little girl ever pretty enough? Little girls don’t care about being pretty they are too busy being. Dream boys in the sky….Imagined worlds, real and grounded drawings in the sky, within skylines that hum with forgotten dreams.
Tree spirit is dying, all the breathing beauty we are surrounded by is slipping away, don’t blink or you could miss it. Conversations between the paintings are whispers here, sometimes in the studio they yell and argue. But here they are what they are.
Vulnerability is in the eyes and in faces. To be lying next to someone, so close that their face is a little blurred. To feel a pressing weight and to be crushed. To be ok in someone else’s space (in love) is maybe what it’s all about, whether you are a super model or suicide bomber."
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
There's a new exhibition of paintings by two artists - Brigid Noone and Mary-Jean Richardson going up in the Art Gallery where we do our morning Ashtanga practice. Brigid's artist statement was so poignent and real, that I wanted to post it. What a refreshing change to read an artists statement that exposes vulnerable feelings so honestly...
"I paint to make sense of my internal and external world.
I live in a world where there are super models and suicide bombers. I am still the same person I was as a child. All that I had was my internal world, the intimacy of safe spaces. The world has been and is a shock to me. The world that is shown is in my face, seriously how is it that bad? Images jump out at me from photo albums, news papers, magazines and my camera. Eyes become de-sensitised, how can art compete with being a consumer, we are communicated to through desire everyday.
The superficiality of beautiful nothingness the obsession with our hair, and how we are seen. To reveal the right pre ordered amount of self. I don’t want to be an ironic artist, I want to show you my soft side.
Light inspires me, and colour is my world.
Spaces of awkwardness, seeing a feeling on someone’s face when they were convinced that no one could see their innermost vulnerability, that escaped in a moment. To catch a glance of secret sadness, uncertainty, hopelessness, forgotten childhood magic.
The vulnerability of naked men, naked boys look at me like I felt when I was little. “What was it like to be a little girl?” he asked, same as you I was vulnerable before I knew what it meant. When do you get ok with being tough? When is a little girl ever pretty enough? Little girls don’t care about being pretty they are too busy being. Dream boys in the sky….Imagined worlds, real and grounded drawings in the sky, within skylines that hum with forgotten dreams.
Tree spirit is dying, all the breathing beauty we are surrounded by is slipping away, don’t blink or you could miss it. Conversations between the paintings are whispers here, sometimes in the studio they yell and argue. But here they are what they are.
Vulnerability is in the eyes and in faces. To be lying next to someone, so close that their face is a little blurred. To feel a pressing weight and to be crushed. To be ok in someone else’s space (in love) is maybe what it’s all about, whether you are a super model or suicide bomber."
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
Easter Monday 28th March 2005
Walking from my car to the shala at 5.45am this morning, my stomach grumbled its voice of empty discontent. The sound echoed through my lower regions like an oceanic swell pounding around in a coastal cave. I realised then that I’d forgotten to eat any dinner last night. I checked into my physical/mental pre-practice state and noticed I felt light and clear, but not particularly strong and energetic.
One of the things that fascinates me about the Ashtanga practice now is how we can come to the mat feeling a certain way (lethargic, energetic, fuzzy, emotional etc) and proceed to make presumptions about how the impending practice will be. More often than not those presumptions turn out wrong. After years of analysing why, I’ve come to the conclusion that usually there's no obvious explanation for the way a practice unfolds. I’ve given up trying to work it out at all. I come to the mat now more ready to meet myself and enjoy whatever comes up – no assumptions, no expectations.
So I climbed the four flights of stairs up to the shala instead of taking the slow, old lift (one of those where you have to open an old wooden sliding door yourself to enter the ancient contraption). The old door needs a really strong pull to slide it open, and on my one and only attempt when I started classes here, it wouldn’t budge. I still don’t know why but I’ve never worked up the courage to tackle it again and only go up the lift when I get lucky enough to slip in as someone else opens it.
So it was the stairs this morning, and a quick stop at the third floor female toilets to blow my nose on some toilet paper. A guy emerged from the cubicle, a 2nd series Ashtangi. It took me a moment to register that he’d just used the female toilets but I wasn’t surprised, and he made no excuse. He’d come down from the shala and ducked into the female loo instead of going down an extra flight to the male toilets.
Practice was pretty good this morning. There were about 9 people there and David was flying around to everyone quite efficiently. I’m finally starting to warm towards David. By the end of the practice, I was even thinking I’d be able to accept and respect him wholeheartedly as my teacher. But the universe has revealed other plans for me. There was a notice pinned up inside the shala door which I read as I was leaving today…it was to inform us all that David is going overseas, travelling and teaching from this coming Wednesday for the next 5 months. Simi is returning from overseas this Thursday and will take over the morning Mysore classes again.
This change coincides too neatly with some other practice changes: firstly I’ll be away for the last two weeks of April on a Vipassana retreat and when I return, there’ll be an exhibition of glass art in the Gallery space where we do our 6am self practice 3 mornings a week. The exhibition will be there for the entire month of May and we won’t be able to practice due to some insurance issues. So for the month of May, to keep up my practice, I might invest my meagre earnings in a block of Mysore classes, sort of a 4 week May intensive with Simi as my guiding light.The alternative would be to use the classrooms instead of the Art Gallery – charcoal and pastel dust, the smell of oil paint, easels, skeletons, still life set ups – I'll think about that one and see what eventuates.
Back to this morning’s practice, I got the standard adjustments in the usual poses like Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana; Marichyasana D; Supta Kurmasana (at last with David’s help I got my ankles crossed behind my head, lifted up to vertical with bum of the floor and held it tight enough to even stay for a few seconds before unwinding out of it like a spring uncoiling); David leaned his entire weight down on my back in Baddha Konasana while pushing my knees all the way to the floor, they just gave way; and the infamous Paschimottanasana squash.
In Garbha Pindasana, I slipped my arms through my Padmasana legs easily (having oiled them up with moisturizer before practice) then did my 9 rolls but couldn’t quite get the momentum to roll up into Kukkutasana. David came over and made me roll all the way around again before lifting me up into the delicate balance. I must ask about the correct exit from this pose. I don’t know the official count for dismantling out of Kukkutasana, though I probably wouldn’t be able to do it properly anyway as I have to unroll my pants back down my legs after this little performance. Bare thighs, yuk.
Got a few extra adjustments in some poses that under normal (bigger class) circumstances I wouldn’t get:
Parivritta Trikonasana – he rolled back my lower shoulder.
Parsvakonasana – the full torso rotation, which pulled me way off balance.
Supta Padangusthasana – illegal prop employed here. David rolled up a blanket and wedged it into the thigh crease of the raised leg to encourage me to make more space here. He explained how the sitting bone of the raised leg should be scooping away from me. That was a hard one to move for some reason, maybe because it was already at maximum extension, so I translated this into my own language and thought of pressing the top of the thighbone away instead – a slightly different action I guess.
Urdhva Dhanurasana – totally wicked adjustment here which I’ve never had before. Once I pressed up to the full pose, David stood at my feet, thrust a hand between my legs, and fully grabbed my sacrum in his palm, pulling it up and towards him. Very, very strong opening through the front hips and quite a provocative adjustment. Loved it.
Final note from today, it seems I can roll up to Urdhva Muka Paschimottanasana on most attempts now but I still have to consciously visualise it happening before I do it, so I’m still using my secret magic formula to get there until it becomes automatic.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Walking from my car to the shala at 5.45am this morning, my stomach grumbled its voice of empty discontent. The sound echoed through my lower regions like an oceanic swell pounding around in a coastal cave. I realised then that I’d forgotten to eat any dinner last night. I checked into my physical/mental pre-practice state and noticed I felt light and clear, but not particularly strong and energetic.
One of the things that fascinates me about the Ashtanga practice now is how we can come to the mat feeling a certain way (lethargic, energetic, fuzzy, emotional etc) and proceed to make presumptions about how the impending practice will be. More often than not those presumptions turn out wrong. After years of analysing why, I’ve come to the conclusion that usually there's no obvious explanation for the way a practice unfolds. I’ve given up trying to work it out at all. I come to the mat now more ready to meet myself and enjoy whatever comes up – no assumptions, no expectations.
So I climbed the four flights of stairs up to the shala instead of taking the slow, old lift (one of those where you have to open an old wooden sliding door yourself to enter the ancient contraption). The old door needs a really strong pull to slide it open, and on my one and only attempt when I started classes here, it wouldn’t budge. I still don’t know why but I’ve never worked up the courage to tackle it again and only go up the lift when I get lucky enough to slip in as someone else opens it.
So it was the stairs this morning, and a quick stop at the third floor female toilets to blow my nose on some toilet paper. A guy emerged from the cubicle, a 2nd series Ashtangi. It took me a moment to register that he’d just used the female toilets but I wasn’t surprised, and he made no excuse. He’d come down from the shala and ducked into the female loo instead of going down an extra flight to the male toilets.
Practice was pretty good this morning. There were about 9 people there and David was flying around to everyone quite efficiently. I’m finally starting to warm towards David. By the end of the practice, I was even thinking I’d be able to accept and respect him wholeheartedly as my teacher. But the universe has revealed other plans for me. There was a notice pinned up inside the shala door which I read as I was leaving today…it was to inform us all that David is going overseas, travelling and teaching from this coming Wednesday for the next 5 months. Simi is returning from overseas this Thursday and will take over the morning Mysore classes again.
This change coincides too neatly with some other practice changes: firstly I’ll be away for the last two weeks of April on a Vipassana retreat and when I return, there’ll be an exhibition of glass art in the Gallery space where we do our 6am self practice 3 mornings a week. The exhibition will be there for the entire month of May and we won’t be able to practice due to some insurance issues. So for the month of May, to keep up my practice, I might invest my meagre earnings in a block of Mysore classes, sort of a 4 week May intensive with Simi as my guiding light.The alternative would be to use the classrooms instead of the Art Gallery – charcoal and pastel dust, the smell of oil paint, easels, skeletons, still life set ups – I'll think about that one and see what eventuates.
Back to this morning’s practice, I got the standard adjustments in the usual poses like Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana; Marichyasana D; Supta Kurmasana (at last with David’s help I got my ankles crossed behind my head, lifted up to vertical with bum of the floor and held it tight enough to even stay for a few seconds before unwinding out of it like a spring uncoiling); David leaned his entire weight down on my back in Baddha Konasana while pushing my knees all the way to the floor, they just gave way; and the infamous Paschimottanasana squash.
In Garbha Pindasana, I slipped my arms through my Padmasana legs easily (having oiled them up with moisturizer before practice) then did my 9 rolls but couldn’t quite get the momentum to roll up into Kukkutasana. David came over and made me roll all the way around again before lifting me up into the delicate balance. I must ask about the correct exit from this pose. I don’t know the official count for dismantling out of Kukkutasana, though I probably wouldn’t be able to do it properly anyway as I have to unroll my pants back down my legs after this little performance. Bare thighs, yuk.
Got a few extra adjustments in some poses that under normal (bigger class) circumstances I wouldn’t get:
Parivritta Trikonasana – he rolled back my lower shoulder.
Parsvakonasana – the full torso rotation, which pulled me way off balance.
Supta Padangusthasana – illegal prop employed here. David rolled up a blanket and wedged it into the thigh crease of the raised leg to encourage me to make more space here. He explained how the sitting bone of the raised leg should be scooping away from me. That was a hard one to move for some reason, maybe because it was already at maximum extension, so I translated this into my own language and thought of pressing the top of the thighbone away instead – a slightly different action I guess.
Urdhva Dhanurasana – totally wicked adjustment here which I’ve never had before. Once I pressed up to the full pose, David stood at my feet, thrust a hand between my legs, and fully grabbed my sacrum in his palm, pulling it up and towards him. Very, very strong opening through the front hips and quite a provocative adjustment. Loved it.
Final note from today, it seems I can roll up to Urdhva Muka Paschimottanasana on most attempts now but I still have to consciously visualise it happening before I do it, so I’m still using my secret magic formula to get there until it becomes automatic.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Thursday 24th March 2005
Post practice.
Sitting in the café, adjusting to the sounds and sights of a bustling morning, people starting to move into second gear, gathering momentum.
My coffee arrives, the bitter aroma almost overpowering, deep earthy sienna brown froth hides the dangerous liquid below. Phillip has made it perfectly and topped it off wit a masterful heart shaped pattern in the middle of the creamy froth. I stir in sugar and watch the heart swirl away.
Sitting here after practice I definitely don’t feel a part of mainstream society. The altered consciousness I experience after practice makes me smile, knowing I have a very sweet secret.
Actually I have another one...
I must have packed my work clothes distractedly when I got up this morning because I packed one of my black work shoes and one of my short black boots, so I sit here with odd shoes on, thankfully hidden beneath my black work pants. Good thing they are a similar style, no-one should notice at work today except me.
My left and right sides always feel remarkably uneven after practice anyway…my right side always feels more full, my left side more dull. The boot on my right foot is a fraction higher in height than the shoe on my left foot. If only I’d packed the left boot and the right shoe – that would have been more useful since my left leg is slightly shorter. Homemade orthotics.
Wearing odd shoes is delightfully odd.
I like it.
I’ll meander through the work day with my little secret, watching out for any stray eyes that drop beneath eye contact. Discovery would spoil it. It wouldn't be mine anymore.
Perhaps I’ll award a prize to anyone who notices my odd shoes today. They’d deserve it for being so observant. Gee, even I didn’t notice when I picked them up and put them in my bag this morning. Booby prize for me.
Practice was good. Deep even engagement all the way through.
Two dropbacks, no Headstand – just to be on the safe side.
I’ve learned to love working with my stiff right knee. It brings me immediately into the present and fully conscious of every microscopic subtle change in my body and mind as I hold and explore the pose. I really feel it.
Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana and Ardha Baddha Padma Paschimottanasana are the pieces de resistance. I bend up the stiff right leg on the first side, move very slowly a little way into the pose and breathe into the tight spaces that restrict the knee and hip opening on this side – sensitivity antennas on full alert. Then I move attention inwards to the bandhas, and the change in focus from periphery to core is magic…breathing energy up and down the spinal channel somehow dissolves away all muscular resistance and my stiff knee just gives way. I hold the pose for a couple of extra breaths because I know I can go deep into it now, to that secret place where mind, body and breath unite. I love this journey, watching the gradual opening, feeling for the doorway in. The second side is less interesting; by my second breath I’m all the way down, chin close to knee, too easy, not much to work with except my concentration as my mind starts to wander.
But what I remember most about practice this morning is rising from Savasana as if emerging from a time travel journey, unfolding upwards to a sitting position, crossing my legs beneath me, a lovely helium lightness lifting my head up to balance on top of my spine, softly closing my eyes and feeling truly beautiful, angelic, in a state of reverence and bliss. I sat for a minute or so, not wanting to move, but knowing I must. I so much wanted to stay there, seated within the still centre of my elevated spirit, absorbing the feeling deeply into my cells, letting it permeate my day and my life forever, but it was past 8 o’clock. The other world was waiting.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Post practice.
Sitting in the café, adjusting to the sounds and sights of a bustling morning, people starting to move into second gear, gathering momentum.
My coffee arrives, the bitter aroma almost overpowering, deep earthy sienna brown froth hides the dangerous liquid below. Phillip has made it perfectly and topped it off wit a masterful heart shaped pattern in the middle of the creamy froth. I stir in sugar and watch the heart swirl away.
Sitting here after practice I definitely don’t feel a part of mainstream society. The altered consciousness I experience after practice makes me smile, knowing I have a very sweet secret.
Actually I have another one...
I must have packed my work clothes distractedly when I got up this morning because I packed one of my black work shoes and one of my short black boots, so I sit here with odd shoes on, thankfully hidden beneath my black work pants. Good thing they are a similar style, no-one should notice at work today except me.
My left and right sides always feel remarkably uneven after practice anyway…my right side always feels more full, my left side more dull. The boot on my right foot is a fraction higher in height than the shoe on my left foot. If only I’d packed the left boot and the right shoe – that would have been more useful since my left leg is slightly shorter. Homemade orthotics.
Wearing odd shoes is delightfully odd.
I like it.
I’ll meander through the work day with my little secret, watching out for any stray eyes that drop beneath eye contact. Discovery would spoil it. It wouldn't be mine anymore.
Perhaps I’ll award a prize to anyone who notices my odd shoes today. They’d deserve it for being so observant. Gee, even I didn’t notice when I picked them up and put them in my bag this morning. Booby prize for me.
Practice was good. Deep even engagement all the way through.
Two dropbacks, no Headstand – just to be on the safe side.
I’ve learned to love working with my stiff right knee. It brings me immediately into the present and fully conscious of every microscopic subtle change in my body and mind as I hold and explore the pose. I really feel it.
Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana and Ardha Baddha Padma Paschimottanasana are the pieces de resistance. I bend up the stiff right leg on the first side, move very slowly a little way into the pose and breathe into the tight spaces that restrict the knee and hip opening on this side – sensitivity antennas on full alert. Then I move attention inwards to the bandhas, and the change in focus from periphery to core is magic…breathing energy up and down the spinal channel somehow dissolves away all muscular resistance and my stiff knee just gives way. I hold the pose for a couple of extra breaths because I know I can go deep into it now, to that secret place where mind, body and breath unite. I love this journey, watching the gradual opening, feeling for the doorway in. The second side is less interesting; by my second breath I’m all the way down, chin close to knee, too easy, not much to work with except my concentration as my mind starts to wander.
But what I remember most about practice this morning is rising from Savasana as if emerging from a time travel journey, unfolding upwards to a sitting position, crossing my legs beneath me, a lovely helium lightness lifting my head up to balance on top of my spine, softly closing my eyes and feeling truly beautiful, angelic, in a state of reverence and bliss. I sat for a minute or so, not wanting to move, but knowing I must. I so much wanted to stay there, seated within the still centre of my elevated spirit, absorbing the feeling deeply into my cells, letting it permeate my day and my life forever, but it was past 8 o’clock. The other world was waiting.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Friday 18th March
Reflections on having a body
As we get older - more mature I mean – our yoga practice will change and naturally deepen and evolve. That is the nature of any long term practice. I am more drawn these days to practices that will open my mind and heart to the divine, and less inclined to spend my precious time on anything that doesn’t support this direction.
Yet I get on the mat every morning, often working up a sweat tying my body into various knots, twisting and pulling it in multiple directions, moving in and out of shapes that cast strange silhouettes in the emerging morning sunlight (what an interesting short film that would make – the moving shadow of someone doing the Ashtanga practice as the light slowly changes - hmmm). Where does this physical yoga practice fit into my spiritual quest for enlightenment?
Viewed as it is in the West as gymnastics, fitness, body consciousness, it seems quite absurd. The physical preoccupation can seem contrary to a spiritual quest where the ego and it’s preoccupation with the self must be dissolved and transcended to attain universal consciousness.
But as my multi level practice evolves, I’m becoming more aware of the unnecessary split between physical/spiritual aspirations. We have a body, a mind, a heart, emotions, energies, and they are all woven together into an extraordinary matrix, each separate thread interacting and intricately affecting the others to form the fluid fabric of our everchanging existence.
My physical wellbeing can and does affect my mood and colour my experience of the world. Pain, injury, aching, sickness can be great teachers of course (patience, acceptance), but the most important lesson I’ve learned from them over the years is how to look after myself in such a way that I rarely have to deal with them. The occasional problem in my body that arises gives me an opportunity to reassess what I’ve been doing wrong to cause it to cry out for attention. In most cases, it’s just an imbalance that is self inflicted by minor fluctuations in diet, lifestyle, exertion, stress, or sensitivity.
When I inhabit a body that is lithe, strong, supple and at ease, I am free to pursue higher plateaus of existence, unhindered. To respect and care for our bodies is also an expression of love for the sacred life we’ve been given. Together, love and discipline are the two essential ingredients that make up joyful effort which, to me, are essential for a life long yoga/spiritual practice. To deny the importance of keeping our physical abode in top condition is almost sacrilegious.
So I guess this rambling blurb is just me trying to become clearer on the reasons why I continue to spend 2 hours on the yoga mat, 5 days a week. How much more powerful the Buddha would have been if he had devoted some time each day to empowering his body and increasing his stamina. But somehow the cuddly, seated, meditating Buddha just wouldn’t be the same if he looked like an Olympic athlete now would he?
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
Friday 11th March 2005
Darren’s class
Had to let Darren know about my eye problem so I could get out of the obligatory mid class 10 minute Headstand.
It would have been safer to avoid doing any inversions at all, but because I was feeling quite strong and light in class today I wanted to do it all. Just my luck…it turned out to be a full on backbending session.
We started with the usual Handstands and Pincha Mayurasana, did a series of standing poses and then the Headstand, for which I substituted a supported Setu Bandha Sarvangasana over a bolster. Then the backbending started: Shalabhasana, Urdhva Mukha Svanasana, Bhujangasana, Dhanurasana, Parsva Dhanurasana, Bhekasana, Urdhva Dhanurasana, Viparitta Dandasana, Eka Pada Viparitta Dandasana, Ustrasansa, and Kapotasana (walking our hands down the wall to the floor). Then Viparitta Chakrasana (I that’s what it’s called…the pose that starts in Pincha Mayurasana before bending the knees and attempting to touch your feet to the back of your head – but we did it with the support of a chair, kicking up to PM, then curling over until the feet landed onto the chair seat. Once there, making an effort to bring the chest more towards the feet. Time was running out so we didn’t do the grande finale standing dropbacks. After all this it was the usual Ardha Halasana over a chair before Savasana.
The eye was bothering me a bit this morning. I’ve had a few eye hemorrhages over the years, but they haven’t been accompanied by any real sensations. I usually don’t even know it’s happened until someone looks at me and screams. This one I can feel, but I figure it’s because I’m more sensitive to my physiology. There’s an icey heat behind my left eye, and the whole eye area feels fatigued.
In my yoga practice, Uttanasana (and to a lesser extent Downward Dog) has amplified the swollen feeling of pressure in my head. In the head down position, it’s like the floodgates have opened to my brain and all the blood from my body just goes rushing in to over fill my head. Something’s not quite right in there, but I’ll give it a few days grace to fix itself before I start worrying.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Thursday 10th March 2005
Weak practice today. Gave it away after the standing poses.
Being a bit of a fringe Ashtangi, I only occasionally follow the “no practice on moon days” rule (when it suits me actually), and I haven’t been keeping track of the moon phases lately, but I discovered after practice that it was a moon day, so I very conveniently blamed the new moon for my weak practice.
Also discovered this morning that I had burst another blood vessel in my left eye. The white part of my eye is now blood red – not a good look for a yogi. This is the second rupture in two weeks…the first one I discovered on Saturday and suspect that one was caused by the 10 minute Headstand in Darren’s Friday morning class (or more likely there’s some weakness or abnormality within the eye that Headstand aggravated). So it’s no Headstands for a while.
____________________________________________________________________________________________
Wednesday 9th March 2005
Same deal as yesterday, still tender and stiff in the back of my left hip. Made my way through the entire primary series quite well, only missing Supta Kurmasana.
Plain old Kurmasana was particularly difficult today, nowhere near my usual straight legs/heels off the ground pose. The tenderness in my hip prevented even a close approximation, so I had to make do with bent knees and quiet observation within the pose. That precluded any possibility of Supta Kurmasana, hence I missing it out.
The injury manifested more intensely when I got to the seated forward bends. The poses themselves were solid but each successive vinyasa in between deteriorated as my hip started to freeze up. The jumpbacks to Chaturanga were OK but curving into Upward Dog became progressively more difficult and painful. By the end of the four Marichys, I couldn’t do an Upward Dog at all. Imagine trying to get from the flat back of Chaturanga into Upward Dog when your back feels like its frozen hard into the plank position. My breath started to catch each time I attempted to curl into the arched back position and I had to take a few deep calming breaths to soften my body’s protective resistance to it. Happy to report that after practice my hip felt a lot better, as if it’s on the mend.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Tuesday 8th March 2005
Still here…but posting is getting a bit sporadic. There’s often not much of interest to write about daily practice and no good chunks of quality time to think, reflect and write about anything else. Typical complaints of a 21st century 9-5pm working yogi –rise at 5.15am for 2 hour morning practice, then off to work, get home, do dinner, clean up and walk puppy (we recently renamed her Buffy) and WHOA it’s 9.30pm. Weekends get filled up with family and relationship commitments and if I’m lucky, there is an occasional weekend when a little window of opportunity appears, maybe a couple of hours on a Sunday morning when I can go AWOL for a surf or a solitary bushwalk. Really this is not good enough if I want to reach enlightenment in this lifetime! Yeah I know, enlightenment is being here, now, fully, with exactly what we have. But a bit more head space to remember this would be nice.
Occasionally I wonder whether I should sacrifice my regular 2 hours on the mat for a different form of spiritual practice. Should I be watching my breath in stillness instead of dancing through an Ashtanga practice with it? Am I barking up the wrong tree? Am I wasting precious time? Am I wasting a precious lifetime?
Practice
I was a bit disappointed not to be able to get to David’s Mysore class yesterday, especially as Monday’s the only day I can go. My back left hip mysteriously seized up on Sunday afternoon and I have no explanation.
After a half hearted Ashtanga practice on Saturday morning I taught my Level 1 class and had no other physical activity after that. When I got up on Monday morning, my left back hip area was so tender that I couldn’t curve into Upward Dog without agony on one side of my lower back.
This morning in the Gallery I was fully prepared to replace my Ashtanga practice with 2 hours of meditation – sitting absolutely still sounded safe. But out of ritual and courtesy, I joined Kosta and Renate for the preparatory Oms and a chant, then decided to tentatively move through a Sun Salute. If I was real careful it was OK. I figured if my body warmed up, the hip stiffness might recede.
And amazingly, I made it through most of the practice.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
Monday 21st February 2005
Had a great Mysore session this morning. I‘m getting used to David’s personality and language. I quite often don’t understand what he wants me to do in a pose, but I put that down my years of Iyengar training where there are particular ways of describing the adjustments to the body.
David doesn’t really conform to this language.
I had a very annoying fold in my mat this morning that wouldn’t flatten itself out. My last Mysore class at the shala was 2 weeks ago and the mat’s been in my car since then (I leave it in the car so I won’t forget to take it with me) and I must have rolled it up with a fold in it. So when I unrolled it this morning at the shala I felt a bit remiss, like I’d neglected to take care of my sacred mat. Trying to press it out before I started made no difference. The fold seemed to be molded in forever.
A lesson in accepting imperfection followed.
Had to just let it be and practice on a mat with a giant ripple in it. Jumping back, I kept trying to avoid landing my feet on the ripple, then got tired of this preoccupation, gave up trying to avoid it, and landed on it every time. Five breaths in Dog Pose gave me extended time to ponder the effects of uneven pressure under the ball of my foot. I wondered how it would affect my alignment and energy, comparing it to an acupressure/reflexology treatment into one foot. It must ricochet throughout the body and organs on some level I thought.
Not until I got to Triang Mukhaikapada did I again get tired of this preoccupation and decided to make a determined attempt to flatten out the fold. By this time, my stickymat was stuck to the floor so I peeled up the end, stretched out the fold and stuck it down again.
Clear sailing from then on.
Generally felt really well in practice this morning, the result of bushwalking a couple of times this week. I’m lucky to have a great walk not far from my house in the foothills which is a loop walk, so I end up back at the car. It’s not a long walk but it’s pretty vigorous, up and around the mountain, probably similar in impact to a 30 minute jog – a nice way to build up aerobic fitness. While I was there I picked about 2 kilos of blackberries and even spotted a few sleepy koalas.
Random notes from this morning’s practice:
Prasaritta Padottanasana C – David pointed out that I need to roll my left shoulder more forward. I’m still rolling my shoulders back Iyengar-open-chest-style in this one.
Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana – David just silently supported my raised leg on both sides – no instructions or guidance.
Marichyasana D – lower back still out of order, no feeling in it here. This area needs either a lot of patient work or an injury to bring awareness and movement to it.
Kurmasana – heels off the ground by the 5th breath and it felt so good that I stayed in it for 7.
Supta Kurmasana – David got my feet crossed behind my head but the block in my lower back was obvious. It won’t round over, which is what I need for this pose to open me.
Garbha Pindasana - used the spray bottle: no probs getting deeply into the pose with arms through the Padmasana legs, but I only made it through 6 rolls. Out of practice with the real thing. I’ve been doing it too long with my arms around my legs instead of through them. Just lazy. I bought a water bottle from the supermarket especially to do the real thing in our Gallery practice and we only used it a couple of times before it disappeared from under my work desk. Must buy another one.
Baddha Konasana A – Got laid on here, knees pressed to the floor…wow…didn’t know they’d go that far so easily. In Baddha Konasana C where you sit up straight, David leaned heavily into me from behind so I had to press back into him quite firmly to avoid going into the forward bend again.
Urdhva Mukha Paschimottanasana – Rolled up into a perfect balance in this one today for the second time in history. The difference was that I visualized myself doing it in that split second before the roll up. Made me marvel at the incredible power of positive thought. Usually I lay there on my back holding the outer edges of my feet with a feeling of dread at the prospect of rolling up halfway and failing yet again.
Here lies a profoundly important lesson for me. Visualise what you want to do, really see yourself doing it, and it happens like magic.
Urdhva Dhanurasana – In my third backbend, I walked my hands in close to my feet to really deepen the backbend and David came behind me and rolled my outer shoulders forward so strongly that my arms went limp, so I had to bring all my will and focus into reviving my arm strength while my shoulders were rotated inwards – it felt like hell and took great determination , but I kept at it and didn’t collapse.
This same shoulder rotation was more difficult to sustain in the drop back preparations. David showed me how wrong my dropback technique is. I lift and open my chest and spread my front body from the centre outwards which he said is flattening my upper body. Nice long closing sequence and I actually counted the correct number of breaths instead of guessing today.
I’m going to enjoy Monday mornings at the shala – I think it’s the quietest day (only about 9 people there this morning), so you get lots of attention and David’s being very generous with me. ____________________________________________________________________________________________
Reflections on having a body
As we get older - more mature I mean – our yoga practice will change and naturally deepen and evolve. That is the nature of any long term practice. I am more drawn these days to practices that will open my mind and heart to the divine, and less inclined to spend my precious time on anything that doesn’t support this direction.
Yet I get on the mat every morning, often working up a sweat tying my body into various knots, twisting and pulling it in multiple directions, moving in and out of shapes that cast strange silhouettes in the emerging morning sunlight (what an interesting short film that would make – the moving shadow of someone doing the Ashtanga practice as the light slowly changes - hmmm). Where does this physical yoga practice fit into my spiritual quest for enlightenment?
Viewed as it is in the West as gymnastics, fitness, body consciousness, it seems quite absurd. The physical preoccupation can seem contrary to a spiritual quest where the ego and it’s preoccupation with the self must be dissolved and transcended to attain universal consciousness.
But as my multi level practice evolves, I’m becoming more aware of the unnecessary split between physical/spiritual aspirations. We have a body, a mind, a heart, emotions, energies, and they are all woven together into an extraordinary matrix, each separate thread interacting and intricately affecting the others to form the fluid fabric of our everchanging existence.
My physical wellbeing can and does affect my mood and colour my experience of the world. Pain, injury, aching, sickness can be great teachers of course (patience, acceptance), but the most important lesson I’ve learned from them over the years is how to look after myself in such a way that I rarely have to deal with them. The occasional problem in my body that arises gives me an opportunity to reassess what I’ve been doing wrong to cause it to cry out for attention. In most cases, it’s just an imbalance that is self inflicted by minor fluctuations in diet, lifestyle, exertion, stress, or sensitivity.
When I inhabit a body that is lithe, strong, supple and at ease, I am free to pursue higher plateaus of existence, unhindered. To respect and care for our bodies is also an expression of love for the sacred life we’ve been given. Together, love and discipline are the two essential ingredients that make up joyful effort which, to me, are essential for a life long yoga/spiritual practice. To deny the importance of keeping our physical abode in top condition is almost sacrilegious.
So I guess this rambling blurb is just me trying to become clearer on the reasons why I continue to spend 2 hours on the yoga mat, 5 days a week. How much more powerful the Buddha would have been if he had devoted some time each day to empowering his body and increasing his stamina. But somehow the cuddly, seated, meditating Buddha just wouldn’t be the same if he looked like an Olympic athlete now would he?
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
Friday 11th March 2005
Darren’s class
Had to let Darren know about my eye problem so I could get out of the obligatory mid class 10 minute Headstand.
It would have been safer to avoid doing any inversions at all, but because I was feeling quite strong and light in class today I wanted to do it all. Just my luck…it turned out to be a full on backbending session.
We started with the usual Handstands and Pincha Mayurasana, did a series of standing poses and then the Headstand, for which I substituted a supported Setu Bandha Sarvangasana over a bolster. Then the backbending started: Shalabhasana, Urdhva Mukha Svanasana, Bhujangasana, Dhanurasana, Parsva Dhanurasana, Bhekasana, Urdhva Dhanurasana, Viparitta Dandasana, Eka Pada Viparitta Dandasana, Ustrasansa, and Kapotasana (walking our hands down the wall to the floor). Then Viparitta Chakrasana (I that’s what it’s called…the pose that starts in Pincha Mayurasana before bending the knees and attempting to touch your feet to the back of your head – but we did it with the support of a chair, kicking up to PM, then curling over until the feet landed onto the chair seat. Once there, making an effort to bring the chest more towards the feet. Time was running out so we didn’t do the grande finale standing dropbacks. After all this it was the usual Ardha Halasana over a chair before Savasana.
The eye was bothering me a bit this morning. I’ve had a few eye hemorrhages over the years, but they haven’t been accompanied by any real sensations. I usually don’t even know it’s happened until someone looks at me and screams. This one I can feel, but I figure it’s because I’m more sensitive to my physiology. There’s an icey heat behind my left eye, and the whole eye area feels fatigued.
In my yoga practice, Uttanasana (and to a lesser extent Downward Dog) has amplified the swollen feeling of pressure in my head. In the head down position, it’s like the floodgates have opened to my brain and all the blood from my body just goes rushing in to over fill my head. Something’s not quite right in there, but I’ll give it a few days grace to fix itself before I start worrying.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Thursday 10th March 2005
Weak practice today. Gave it away after the standing poses.
Being a bit of a fringe Ashtangi, I only occasionally follow the “no practice on moon days” rule (when it suits me actually), and I haven’t been keeping track of the moon phases lately, but I discovered after practice that it was a moon day, so I very conveniently blamed the new moon for my weak practice.
Also discovered this morning that I had burst another blood vessel in my left eye. The white part of my eye is now blood red – not a good look for a yogi. This is the second rupture in two weeks…the first one I discovered on Saturday and suspect that one was caused by the 10 minute Headstand in Darren’s Friday morning class (or more likely there’s some weakness or abnormality within the eye that Headstand aggravated). So it’s no Headstands for a while.
____________________________________________________________________________________________
Wednesday 9th March 2005
Same deal as yesterday, still tender and stiff in the back of my left hip. Made my way through the entire primary series quite well, only missing Supta Kurmasana.
Plain old Kurmasana was particularly difficult today, nowhere near my usual straight legs/heels off the ground pose. The tenderness in my hip prevented even a close approximation, so I had to make do with bent knees and quiet observation within the pose. That precluded any possibility of Supta Kurmasana, hence I missing it out.
The injury manifested more intensely when I got to the seated forward bends. The poses themselves were solid but each successive vinyasa in between deteriorated as my hip started to freeze up. The jumpbacks to Chaturanga were OK but curving into Upward Dog became progressively more difficult and painful. By the end of the four Marichys, I couldn’t do an Upward Dog at all. Imagine trying to get from the flat back of Chaturanga into Upward Dog when your back feels like its frozen hard into the plank position. My breath started to catch each time I attempted to curl into the arched back position and I had to take a few deep calming breaths to soften my body’s protective resistance to it. Happy to report that after practice my hip felt a lot better, as if it’s on the mend.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Tuesday 8th March 2005
Still here…but posting is getting a bit sporadic. There’s often not much of interest to write about daily practice and no good chunks of quality time to think, reflect and write about anything else. Typical complaints of a 21st century 9-5pm working yogi –rise at 5.15am for 2 hour morning practice, then off to work, get home, do dinner, clean up and walk puppy (we recently renamed her Buffy) and WHOA it’s 9.30pm. Weekends get filled up with family and relationship commitments and if I’m lucky, there is an occasional weekend when a little window of opportunity appears, maybe a couple of hours on a Sunday morning when I can go AWOL for a surf or a solitary bushwalk. Really this is not good enough if I want to reach enlightenment in this lifetime! Yeah I know, enlightenment is being here, now, fully, with exactly what we have. But a bit more head space to remember this would be nice.
Occasionally I wonder whether I should sacrifice my regular 2 hours on the mat for a different form of spiritual practice. Should I be watching my breath in stillness instead of dancing through an Ashtanga practice with it? Am I barking up the wrong tree? Am I wasting precious time? Am I wasting a precious lifetime?
Practice
I was a bit disappointed not to be able to get to David’s Mysore class yesterday, especially as Monday’s the only day I can go. My back left hip mysteriously seized up on Sunday afternoon and I have no explanation.
After a half hearted Ashtanga practice on Saturday morning I taught my Level 1 class and had no other physical activity after that. When I got up on Monday morning, my left back hip area was so tender that I couldn’t curve into Upward Dog without agony on one side of my lower back.
This morning in the Gallery I was fully prepared to replace my Ashtanga practice with 2 hours of meditation – sitting absolutely still sounded safe. But out of ritual and courtesy, I joined Kosta and Renate for the preparatory Oms and a chant, then decided to tentatively move through a Sun Salute. If I was real careful it was OK. I figured if my body warmed up, the hip stiffness might recede.
And amazingly, I made it through most of the practice.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
Monday 21st February 2005
Had a great Mysore session this morning. I‘m getting used to David’s personality and language. I quite often don’t understand what he wants me to do in a pose, but I put that down my years of Iyengar training where there are particular ways of describing the adjustments to the body.
David doesn’t really conform to this language.
I had a very annoying fold in my mat this morning that wouldn’t flatten itself out. My last Mysore class at the shala was 2 weeks ago and the mat’s been in my car since then (I leave it in the car so I won’t forget to take it with me) and I must have rolled it up with a fold in it. So when I unrolled it this morning at the shala I felt a bit remiss, like I’d neglected to take care of my sacred mat. Trying to press it out before I started made no difference. The fold seemed to be molded in forever.
A lesson in accepting imperfection followed.
Had to just let it be and practice on a mat with a giant ripple in it. Jumping back, I kept trying to avoid landing my feet on the ripple, then got tired of this preoccupation, gave up trying to avoid it, and landed on it every time. Five breaths in Dog Pose gave me extended time to ponder the effects of uneven pressure under the ball of my foot. I wondered how it would affect my alignment and energy, comparing it to an acupressure/reflexology treatment into one foot. It must ricochet throughout the body and organs on some level I thought.
Not until I got to Triang Mukhaikapada did I again get tired of this preoccupation and decided to make a determined attempt to flatten out the fold. By this time, my stickymat was stuck to the floor so I peeled up the end, stretched out the fold and stuck it down again.
Clear sailing from then on.
Generally felt really well in practice this morning, the result of bushwalking a couple of times this week. I’m lucky to have a great walk not far from my house in the foothills which is a loop walk, so I end up back at the car. It’s not a long walk but it’s pretty vigorous, up and around the mountain, probably similar in impact to a 30 minute jog – a nice way to build up aerobic fitness. While I was there I picked about 2 kilos of blackberries and even spotted a few sleepy koalas.
Random notes from this morning’s practice:
Prasaritta Padottanasana C – David pointed out that I need to roll my left shoulder more forward. I’m still rolling my shoulders back Iyengar-open-chest-style in this one.
Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana – David just silently supported my raised leg on both sides – no instructions or guidance.
Marichyasana D – lower back still out of order, no feeling in it here. This area needs either a lot of patient work or an injury to bring awareness and movement to it.
Kurmasana – heels off the ground by the 5th breath and it felt so good that I stayed in it for 7.
Supta Kurmasana – David got my feet crossed behind my head but the block in my lower back was obvious. It won’t round over, which is what I need for this pose to open me.
Garbha Pindasana - used the spray bottle: no probs getting deeply into the pose with arms through the Padmasana legs, but I only made it through 6 rolls. Out of practice with the real thing. I’ve been doing it too long with my arms around my legs instead of through them. Just lazy. I bought a water bottle from the supermarket especially to do the real thing in our Gallery practice and we only used it a couple of times before it disappeared from under my work desk. Must buy another one.
Baddha Konasana A – Got laid on here, knees pressed to the floor…wow…didn’t know they’d go that far so easily. In Baddha Konasana C where you sit up straight, David leaned heavily into me from behind so I had to press back into him quite firmly to avoid going into the forward bend again.
Urdhva Mukha Paschimottanasana – Rolled up into a perfect balance in this one today for the second time in history. The difference was that I visualized myself doing it in that split second before the roll up. Made me marvel at the incredible power of positive thought. Usually I lay there on my back holding the outer edges of my feet with a feeling of dread at the prospect of rolling up halfway and failing yet again.
Here lies a profoundly important lesson for me. Visualise what you want to do, really see yourself doing it, and it happens like magic.
Urdhva Dhanurasana – In my third backbend, I walked my hands in close to my feet to really deepen the backbend and David came behind me and rolled my outer shoulders forward so strongly that my arms went limp, so I had to bring all my will and focus into reviving my arm strength while my shoulders were rotated inwards – it felt like hell and took great determination , but I kept at it and didn’t collapse.
This same shoulder rotation was more difficult to sustain in the drop back preparations. David showed me how wrong my dropback technique is. I lift and open my chest and spread my front body from the centre outwards which he said is flattening my upper body. Nice long closing sequence and I actually counted the correct number of breaths instead of guessing today.
I’m going to enjoy Monday mornings at the shala – I think it’s the quietest day (only about 9 people there this morning), so you get lots of attention and David’s being very generous with me. ____________________________________________________________________________________________
