Diary of a yoga nobodhi

Monday 6th September

Nup…didn’t go to the Mysore class this morning.
Instead I took the puppy for a walk at sunrise, came back, did a few stretches, sat in meditation for half an hour with tired puppy on my lap, then got ready for work. Maybe next Monday.

Surfing was great yesterday apart from getting caught in the rip a few times and whisked out into the watery blue yonder. If I was a big strong pro surfer I'd use the rips to get out quickly to the back waves, but I'm not, so when I suddenly find myself out there with the pro surfers and the big waves out the back, I don't stay. Maybe next time.

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Friday 3rd September

Sick and tired
Yesterday I opened up the Gallery for practice, set everything up, joined Angie and Sasha G (just back from a week in Bali) for the opening chant and the surjanamaskars. Noticed a strange feeling each time I jumped from Dog pose to Uttanasana, kinda disorientated and dizzy, so I was pretty stuffed by the end of them. Persisted up to Prasaritta D, then lost the plot sitting down into Samakonasana. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to get up again. Anchored like cement. Well at least I gave it my best shot this morning.
The others kept going while I rolled up two thick blankets into a pseudo bolster and did all the Iyengar restorative poses I could remember, interspersing each one with Supta Balasana (that’s a guess at the name) laying on my back, knees bent up into chest, arms wrapped around my legs in a quiet, protective, foetal position, close to the earth…the ultimate anti-Ashtanga pose.
On days when everything closes down like this you’re forced to reflect on why.
After practice I went home, rang in sick at work and spent most of the day in bed.

First thoughts of the day
The first indication of your state of mind and wellbeing is the thoughts you wake up with when that alarm goes off in the morning.
I remember reading how each time we fall asleep, we metaphorically die because we fall unconscious every night. What if, each time we fell asleep, there was no guarantee we’d regain consciousness?
I like to remind myself of this when the alarm goes off at 5.10am and I open my eyes – giving thanks that I’m alive again – reborn, resurrected, a new person – and I’ve got one more day on earth.

Thankfully there’s no practice with Kosta tomorrow morning (he’s doing a weekend workshop with Alan Goode). I probably need to rest a lot more than I think I do, but I’ll ignore that sensible thought on Sunday because we’re going surfing.
Surfing will probably wipe me out totally - there’s a lot paddling at our usual break because the waves roll in pretty constantly with no rest in between, so there’s a big question mark about whether I’ll be up to Mysore class with David on Monday. I wonder how long I can put it off, before I get sick of making excuses.

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Wednesday 1st September 2004

Just a few practice notes from today:

Surjanamaskars
Had a rather labour intensive start but gradually built up a nice momentum towards the end of the surjanamaskar Bs. I’ve discovered a special little spot in surjanamaska B in the transition from Virabhadrasana A to the Chaturange Dandasana position. When reaching the momentary pinnacle of Virabhadrasana A, I ground down through the back foot really consciously and consistently while moving down to the Chaturanga Dandasana position. It gets released at the very last moment when theback heel has to lift and swivel back. Maybe this is pada bandha, as the grounding of that back foot during the transition seems to give rise to a current of energy that connects with mula bandha into a full body engagement.
Lowering to Chaturanga becomes different – lighter, firmer, stronger, more precise.
Focussing on that back foot while moving the rest of the body also imbues the transitional movement with as much attention and importance as the place I’m moving towards. Every moment becomes equally alive and sacred.

Being Wednesday, Angie did a short practice (to Navasana) because she had to leave early for work. When we finished the five Navasanas, I took advantage of the pause, laid out flat and had a momentary rest (well it was more like a minute really) while contemplating whether to finish there as well. It would have been easy since I’ve been taking the easy way out at just about every opportunity lately. But somehow I jumped that hurdle and went on. Bhujangasana to Tittibhasana to Bakasana and then a spectacular collapse of my weak shoulders trying to spring from Bakasana to Chaturanga (today’s version was spreadeagled flat on the floor). Let out a raspberry and a giggle then I was off again…good Kurmasana today.

Supta Kurmasana
What’s happening here? For the first time in my Ashtanga history, I didn’t even attempt this pose. Felt a bit like a child refusing to eat their Brussells Sprouts, mouth stubbornly clenched shut. YUK. NO WAY JOSE. That’s how it felt. A sort of "I’m not doing it and you can’t make me" attitude. I think my Supta Kurmasana has regressed over the past few months, hand binding is not so tight, feet not so close and I've definitely been giving up on it too easily.
Skipping the pose on purpose is, without doubt, a big red warning sign that my practice needs a major service and tune up. But I know it’s really my attitude that needs the overhaul. The need to be challenged, pushed, deconstructed and humbled is fast approaching.

But after Kurmasana the practice started to ripen into a gorgeous fullness - from Baddha Konasana right through to the finishing poses…my breath progressively slowed down, so much so that I had to cut down to 4 breaths in each pose. Every breath was imbued with meaning that spread throughout my body and filled my cells. A meditative silence pervaded through the beginning, middle and end of each vinyasa, and the invisible breath of the universe pulsed life into each pose.
When the familiarity of the poses slips away and the practice moves into another dimension, I am struck silent.

Sarvangasana
Mulabandha is coming into this pose in a big way for me now. I get into the pose and search for it. It hides from me until bit by bit I adjust the pose to that ‘ah ha’ spot, breastbone vertical, thoracic spine pressed deeply forward, front hips rising to the max, sacrum pressed forward, quads pressed back. All these bring the pose to a perfectly vertical alignment through the core (Godfrey Devereaux describes the core as running from the anus to the upper palate). Most days I can find it and the flow of energy initiated by mulabandha kicks in strongly, flushing through and illuminating what I imagine to be the length of the sushumna nadi. As my strength and focus in the pose waxes and wanes, I lose it and find it again. Sometimes it just keeps wavering like a slippery fish I can’t catch, but sometimes I can sustain the focus and know that my subtle body is absorbing important new data.

After reading KJS ‘s recent posting on a Pranayama technique, I had a go at it after Savasana today. Although I’ve done some Pranayama in the past, I’ve never included it seriously into my routine, in spite of knowing how important it is for a well rounded yoga practice. It is after all the fourth of the eight limbs. I think I skipped it altogether in my journey to Samadhi. Didn’t bother to stop there, just went straight from Asana to Pratyahara, Dharana and Dhyana. Maybe it’s time to retrace my steps, go back, check out the sights, see what I missed.