Tuesday 27th September 2005
Sitting down to reflect on and record the experiences of this morning’s practice has ended up once again in a page of disconnected, crossed-out, failed attempts to describe nothing of great consequence. Although asana practice continues to call me to the mat for regular meetings, there are few revelations, surprises, breakthroughs or great insights to note lately. Instead, practice is stable and satisfying, business as usual, and is providing ongoing physical, mental and emotional maintenance while the rest of my life rises up to challenge and inspire me.
At other times the tables have been turned – those times when daily life has just kept ticking on over with mundane business as usual, while morning practice has provided the excitement and promise of a continuing journey into edgy, new, foreign territory.
The balance swings to and fro.
And today there’s not much more to say.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Tuesday 20th September 2005
I’ve let go of all my unrealistic expectations around the Ashtanga practice. I don’t think I can even say with integrity that I practice “Ashtanga” any more.
What I do practice is yoga.
And part of my yoga practice is a morning asana session to keep my body well, to centre and balance my mind, and to increase my sensitivity to the finer vibrations of my being.
I get to the mat, gently stretch my joints until they yawn open. I do a minimum of 5A’s and 5Bs starting slowly at first, often stepping the first few rounds. Those first Surja Namaskars are like a big lazy yawn that wakes up my body, opening it up to receive the carefully controlled flood of energy that the practice will generate. I use the Surja Namaskars to develop the connection between my breath and my energetic core where the Ujjiyi breathing and bandha focus are drawn together into one force. It’s so nice when the focus is strong and intensely binding.
That’s the greatest gift Ashtanga has given me.
I do the standing poses, usually all of them, and usually with Samakonasana and Hanumanasana inserted after Prasaritta Padottanasana. There are some days when I modify the poses, and some days when I insert non-Primary poses like Ardha Chandrasana and Virabhadrasana III, but mostly I stick to the time-tested Primary formula.
After standing poses I tend to digress depending on what’s going on. Pesky back injuries over the last few months have forced me to stay away from forward bends so I’ve had to be a bit more creative with what I do after the standing poses. Funny how the poses that help my back are second series backbends like Shalabhasana, Dhanurasana, Ustrasana, Eka Pada RajaKapotasana etc. I’ve really missed doing the forward bends, but you just have to make the best of whatever situation you’re in. I've realised I can still do a really good practice without them – and practice I shall, until they come back.
Out of sheer curiosity I very carefully tried out a couple of forward bends today just to check if they’d come back while I wasn’t looking. But they hadn’t. That nasty nerve from my lumbar to my right hip just about electrocuted me as I moved into Paschimottanasana and the surrounding area went into momentary shock. My back sort of gasped, so I had to back off and accept that it may take some time and gentle encouragement before the forward bends feel safe again.
No surprise that backbends are a relief – soothing but always challenging.
For me they’re challenging, not so much because of the physical challenges, but more the mental ones. You know you can always take them a step further, either by moving into them a bit deeper or by doing one more repetition when you feel like stopping. It’s usually the mind that sabotages me, or a fear based resistance that I come up against that seems to have crystallised and buried itself in my psyche. Most days I give in to it through habit, holding a couple of backbends for a good length of time naiively pretending I’ve done my backbending quota for the day. But there are some days when I break through the inert resistance, I walk my hands in closer than ever to my feet in Urdhva Dhanurasana, push at the boundaries, get up and drop back once, twice, sometimes three or four times if it’s an exceptional day.
It’s like getting a screwdriver into a little crack - the crack in my hard resistance, that's waiting for the key to wedge it open. When I go way beyond my comfy quota of backbends, either in quality or quantity, it’s like opening up that crack and letting the light flood in to dissolve the dark stains of habit.
I did lots of backbends today, and finished with one dropback – just one, and maybe I could have done more.
Did all the inversions then wrapped up the practice with a lovely twisting Padmasana where one arm wraps behind so the hand can hold the foot. This pose felt so good, that I held it on each side for a few minutes. It's a good alternative to Yoga Mudra when you can't bend forward.
All up it was a very satisfying practice – well paced, well sequenced, well executed, quite an intelligent practice.
And I’m even starting to feel OK about bowing out of the Ashtanga loop. It’s taken quite a bit of time to make peace with this change. I've felt a secret grief for the loss of the pure practice I’d come to love, feelings of inadequacy at not being “serious” enough or disciplined enough to stick with it through the tough times, feelings of confusion at being cast adrift into asana no-man’s land, feelings of sadness that I’m no longer one of the “shala tribe”.
Has the relationship really ended? Will we ever get back together again? Am I over it?
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Sitting down to reflect on and record the experiences of this morning’s practice has ended up once again in a page of disconnected, crossed-out, failed attempts to describe nothing of great consequence. Although asana practice continues to call me to the mat for regular meetings, there are few revelations, surprises, breakthroughs or great insights to note lately. Instead, practice is stable and satisfying, business as usual, and is providing ongoing physical, mental and emotional maintenance while the rest of my life rises up to challenge and inspire me.
At other times the tables have been turned – those times when daily life has just kept ticking on over with mundane business as usual, while morning practice has provided the excitement and promise of a continuing journey into edgy, new, foreign territory.
The balance swings to and fro.
And today there’s not much more to say.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Tuesday 20th September 2005
I’ve let go of all my unrealistic expectations around the Ashtanga practice. I don’t think I can even say with integrity that I practice “Ashtanga” any more.
What I do practice is yoga.
And part of my yoga practice is a morning asana session to keep my body well, to centre and balance my mind, and to increase my sensitivity to the finer vibrations of my being.
I get to the mat, gently stretch my joints until they yawn open. I do a minimum of 5A’s and 5Bs starting slowly at first, often stepping the first few rounds. Those first Surja Namaskars are like a big lazy yawn that wakes up my body, opening it up to receive the carefully controlled flood of energy that the practice will generate. I use the Surja Namaskars to develop the connection between my breath and my energetic core where the Ujjiyi breathing and bandha focus are drawn together into one force. It’s so nice when the focus is strong and intensely binding.
That’s the greatest gift Ashtanga has given me.
I do the standing poses, usually all of them, and usually with Samakonasana and Hanumanasana inserted after Prasaritta Padottanasana. There are some days when I modify the poses, and some days when I insert non-Primary poses like Ardha Chandrasana and Virabhadrasana III, but mostly I stick to the time-tested Primary formula.
After standing poses I tend to digress depending on what’s going on. Pesky back injuries over the last few months have forced me to stay away from forward bends so I’ve had to be a bit more creative with what I do after the standing poses. Funny how the poses that help my back are second series backbends like Shalabhasana, Dhanurasana, Ustrasana, Eka Pada RajaKapotasana etc. I’ve really missed doing the forward bends, but you just have to make the best of whatever situation you’re in. I've realised I can still do a really good practice without them – and practice I shall, until they come back.
Out of sheer curiosity I very carefully tried out a couple of forward bends today just to check if they’d come back while I wasn’t looking. But they hadn’t. That nasty nerve from my lumbar to my right hip just about electrocuted me as I moved into Paschimottanasana and the surrounding area went into momentary shock. My back sort of gasped, so I had to back off and accept that it may take some time and gentle encouragement before the forward bends feel safe again.
No surprise that backbends are a relief – soothing but always challenging.
For me they’re challenging, not so much because of the physical challenges, but more the mental ones. You know you can always take them a step further, either by moving into them a bit deeper or by doing one more repetition when you feel like stopping. It’s usually the mind that sabotages me, or a fear based resistance that I come up against that seems to have crystallised and buried itself in my psyche. Most days I give in to it through habit, holding a couple of backbends for a good length of time naiively pretending I’ve done my backbending quota for the day. But there are some days when I break through the inert resistance, I walk my hands in closer than ever to my feet in Urdhva Dhanurasana, push at the boundaries, get up and drop back once, twice, sometimes three or four times if it’s an exceptional day.
It’s like getting a screwdriver into a little crack - the crack in my hard resistance, that's waiting for the key to wedge it open. When I go way beyond my comfy quota of backbends, either in quality or quantity, it’s like opening up that crack and letting the light flood in to dissolve the dark stains of habit.
I did lots of backbends today, and finished with one dropback – just one, and maybe I could have done more.
Did all the inversions then wrapped up the practice with a lovely twisting Padmasana where one arm wraps behind so the hand can hold the foot. This pose felt so good, that I held it on each side for a few minutes. It's a good alternative to Yoga Mudra when you can't bend forward.
All up it was a very satisfying practice – well paced, well sequenced, well executed, quite an intelligent practice.
And I’m even starting to feel OK about bowing out of the Ashtanga loop. It’s taken quite a bit of time to make peace with this change. I've felt a secret grief for the loss of the pure practice I’d come to love, feelings of inadequacy at not being “serious” enough or disciplined enough to stick with it through the tough times, feelings of confusion at being cast adrift into asana no-man’s land, feelings of sadness that I’m no longer one of the “shala tribe”.
Has the relationship really ended? Will we ever get back together again? Am I over it?
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Friday 9th September 2005
Finally got back to Darren’s 6am led class this morning.
It’s nice to do some quiet solid Iyengar work when you need to work carefully around an injury.
But it’s just nice to get back to a class, any class.
I ran into Darren in the café yesterday (we yogis love caffeine) and mentioned I’d be at practice this morning – always a good ploy for me to verbally commit so I actually feel compelled to go. As I was on my lunch break we just caught up very briefly on the latest news in each others lives, his was the recent trip to Pune, mine was the back injury and my Saturday classes.
Not sure if it was coincidence, but the class he led this morning was perfectly sequenced for a lower back injury. If I’d practised alone, I would have done a similar sequence.
Class started with very slow Surja Namaskars, coming straight up to Tadasana from the last Uttanasana instead of extending the arms out and up to Urdhva Hastasana first, which requires more work from the lower back.
Held a long Dog Pose and Uttanasana.
The set of standing poses went something like: Trikonasana, Parsvakonasana, Virabhadrasana A, Virabhadrasana C, Parsvottanasana with hands to the floor then moving from there into Parivritta Trikonasana and Ardha Chandrasana.
None of the standing poses aggravated my back , either because they didn’t involve much curve of the lumbar or because I’m automatically keeping a very straight lumbar to protect my back. Some rounding of the lumbar usually occurs in Parsvottanasana and Parivritta Trikonasana but I’ve been moving into these poses through an almost concave back position where the pelvis is fully tilted forward, the sacral plate is level with the floor and the spine fully extended forward. Going into Parivritta Trikonasana from here is more challenging, because the hips remain more square and the spine is straight from the tailbone to the crown of the head. The twisting action then starts right from the base of the spine and seems to spread more evenly throughout its length.
After standing poses, we spent a couple of minutes in Virasana, then Parvatasana (interlocking hands on the head then extending the arms above the head).
The almost compulsory mid-practice 10 minute Sirsasana ended with Parsva Sirsasana where you twist the entire body to each side. I love this particular variation of Headstand. It wrings your body out from head to toe in a much more gutsy, juicier way than the seated twists and very interesting things happen in the shoulders as the weight bearing shifts dramatically.
The Dog Pose following Sirsasana is always a bit dodgy because of the strong shoulder work you’ve just done. I think Darren went off to the loo while we held Dog Pose.
Another teacher of mine cheekily reminisces about how he used to slip out for a quick coffee next door while his students were holding Dog Pose (he’s another caffeine loving yogi).
Off to the wall for some twists: Bharadvajasana 1 and 2 using a hand into the wall for support to keep the shoulders level, then Marichyasana C.
Marichy C was an emphatic no go for me. The back problem became obvious as soon as I started the twist. There wasn’t any particular pain or sensation in the lumbar – in fact, there was nothing, it was frozen, like the whole lumbar area was asleep or dead or something. It felt like the prana supply lines to my lumbar had been cut off and I couldn’t feel or move any energy there. It’s a hard feeling to describe, but the result is that there’s no base or impetus to twist from. So I just accepted that and sat upright without twisting, really quite happy to be just where I was. No angst, no desire, no disappointment.
Back to the mat for a series of backbends: Salabhasana, Dhanurasana, Bhujangasana, Urdhva Muka Svanasana…all poses to strengthen and stabilise the lumbar area. Then Urdhva Dhanurasana, 3 normal holds of about 5 breaths each, then 2 Urdhva Ds using a strap around the elbows, then another 2 moving from Urdhva D into Viparitta Dandasana. Then 5 quick Urdhva Ds, exhaling to lift straight up into the full pose, holding for the inhalation, then exhaling to come all the way down, inhaling to prepare, exhaling to push up and repeat 5 times, no thinking, no resting.
I didn’t think I had the strength but it came easily. Quick backbends in succession are pretty energising and exhilarating, a bit like a caffeine hit that gives you temporary superhuman powers. Calm down time was in a resting Uttanasana position.
An 8 minute Sarvangasana (Shoulderstand), then some Eka Pada variations, finishing with Halasana.
The most difficult pose of the entire class was the last one – a cross legged forward bend with the head resting on a bolster. My head didn't get that far. Unbelievable. I couldn’t even get close to relaxing forward here and had to hold myself up at about the halfway point. Now that actually peeved me a bit because it’s such a beginners pose, and a restorative one too. Come to think of it, I can’t do Balasana (Childs Pose) either. Both poses round the lower spine which sets off my highly sensitive pain-is-imminent alarm bells. Injury is always a good reminder of how frustrated beginners must feel when they can’t get even close to what the others are doing.
No big deal though. It's just SOOO good to do this stuff (stuff’s a great word).
More and more I’m realising how intimate my experience of asana is becoming these days. Sensitivity to the inner subtleties during practice is increasing volumes - I can sense and feel energy blocks, little energy floods, minor nerve sensations, the stimulation of particular glands and organs in certain poses and nice stuff like that. I’m right in there in the poses, absorbed, watching, feeling, sensing.
But a little warning occasionally echoes in the back of my mind (and I’m not sure where I read this, or who said it, or why I made a point of noting it):
"Feel pleasure, but not too much, lest our practice become sensual rather than spiritual"
Even when practice is difficult (like during injury), practicing still feels good, maybe because it just plain FEELS, and we are such feeling creatures. There’s a physical sensuality in yoga practice that’s organic and deeply fulfilling and through regular practice we develop a more intimate relationship with our bodies and our selves.
Voluntary slippage into the deeper, hidden dimensions and layers of our physical beingness.
It makes me think I should look at my motivation more closely. Yes, yoga feels good. It feels good to do, and the body feels great after.
But for me, feeling physically well and balanced should be a by-product of yoga practice, not the aim. I reckon 95% of westerners start yoga so they can feel physically better and continue with yoga because it delivers that. But for the practice to really evolve over time, the motivation for practice must gradually rise beyond the physical benefits. And as it rises, gradually we come to understand that yoga is an extraordinary path inwards towards the ultimate discovery of what we really are. I once heard this discovery described as the cosmic punchline. Like...Oh after all these years of being asleep, the light goes on and you wake up and the whole beautiful cosmic joke finally makes perfect sense.
Start of practice, standing at the end of the mat, hands in prayer, calm, clear, grateful and open…
I think Chris put it perfectly in his Sept 6 2005 entry, describing his practice as a prayer.
That just about says it all.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Finally got back to Darren’s 6am led class this morning.
It’s nice to do some quiet solid Iyengar work when you need to work carefully around an injury.
But it’s just nice to get back to a class, any class.
I ran into Darren in the café yesterday (we yogis love caffeine) and mentioned I’d be at practice this morning – always a good ploy for me to verbally commit so I actually feel compelled to go. As I was on my lunch break we just caught up very briefly on the latest news in each others lives, his was the recent trip to Pune, mine was the back injury and my Saturday classes.
Not sure if it was coincidence, but the class he led this morning was perfectly sequenced for a lower back injury. If I’d practised alone, I would have done a similar sequence.
Class started with very slow Surja Namaskars, coming straight up to Tadasana from the last Uttanasana instead of extending the arms out and up to Urdhva Hastasana first, which requires more work from the lower back.
Held a long Dog Pose and Uttanasana.
The set of standing poses went something like: Trikonasana, Parsvakonasana, Virabhadrasana A, Virabhadrasana C, Parsvottanasana with hands to the floor then moving from there into Parivritta Trikonasana and Ardha Chandrasana.
None of the standing poses aggravated my back , either because they didn’t involve much curve of the lumbar or because I’m automatically keeping a very straight lumbar to protect my back. Some rounding of the lumbar usually occurs in Parsvottanasana and Parivritta Trikonasana but I’ve been moving into these poses through an almost concave back position where the pelvis is fully tilted forward, the sacral plate is level with the floor and the spine fully extended forward. Going into Parivritta Trikonasana from here is more challenging, because the hips remain more square and the spine is straight from the tailbone to the crown of the head. The twisting action then starts right from the base of the spine and seems to spread more evenly throughout its length.
After standing poses, we spent a couple of minutes in Virasana, then Parvatasana (interlocking hands on the head then extending the arms above the head).
The almost compulsory mid-practice 10 minute Sirsasana ended with Parsva Sirsasana where you twist the entire body to each side. I love this particular variation of Headstand. It wrings your body out from head to toe in a much more gutsy, juicier way than the seated twists and very interesting things happen in the shoulders as the weight bearing shifts dramatically.
The Dog Pose following Sirsasana is always a bit dodgy because of the strong shoulder work you’ve just done. I think Darren went off to the loo while we held Dog Pose.
Another teacher of mine cheekily reminisces about how he used to slip out for a quick coffee next door while his students were holding Dog Pose (he’s another caffeine loving yogi).
Off to the wall for some twists: Bharadvajasana 1 and 2 using a hand into the wall for support to keep the shoulders level, then Marichyasana C.
Marichy C was an emphatic no go for me. The back problem became obvious as soon as I started the twist. There wasn’t any particular pain or sensation in the lumbar – in fact, there was nothing, it was frozen, like the whole lumbar area was asleep or dead or something. It felt like the prana supply lines to my lumbar had been cut off and I couldn’t feel or move any energy there. It’s a hard feeling to describe, but the result is that there’s no base or impetus to twist from. So I just accepted that and sat upright without twisting, really quite happy to be just where I was. No angst, no desire, no disappointment.
Back to the mat for a series of backbends: Salabhasana, Dhanurasana, Bhujangasana, Urdhva Muka Svanasana…all poses to strengthen and stabilise the lumbar area. Then Urdhva Dhanurasana, 3 normal holds of about 5 breaths each, then 2 Urdhva Ds using a strap around the elbows, then another 2 moving from Urdhva D into Viparitta Dandasana. Then 5 quick Urdhva Ds, exhaling to lift straight up into the full pose, holding for the inhalation, then exhaling to come all the way down, inhaling to prepare, exhaling to push up and repeat 5 times, no thinking, no resting.
I didn’t think I had the strength but it came easily. Quick backbends in succession are pretty energising and exhilarating, a bit like a caffeine hit that gives you temporary superhuman powers. Calm down time was in a resting Uttanasana position.
An 8 minute Sarvangasana (Shoulderstand), then some Eka Pada variations, finishing with Halasana.
The most difficult pose of the entire class was the last one – a cross legged forward bend with the head resting on a bolster. My head didn't get that far. Unbelievable. I couldn’t even get close to relaxing forward here and had to hold myself up at about the halfway point. Now that actually peeved me a bit because it’s such a beginners pose, and a restorative one too. Come to think of it, I can’t do Balasana (Childs Pose) either. Both poses round the lower spine which sets off my highly sensitive pain-is-imminent alarm bells. Injury is always a good reminder of how frustrated beginners must feel when they can’t get even close to what the others are doing.
No big deal though. It's just SOOO good to do this stuff (stuff’s a great word).
More and more I’m realising how intimate my experience of asana is becoming these days. Sensitivity to the inner subtleties during practice is increasing volumes - I can sense and feel energy blocks, little energy floods, minor nerve sensations, the stimulation of particular glands and organs in certain poses and nice stuff like that. I’m right in there in the poses, absorbed, watching, feeling, sensing.
But a little warning occasionally echoes in the back of my mind (and I’m not sure where I read this, or who said it, or why I made a point of noting it):
"Feel pleasure, but not too much, lest our practice become sensual rather than spiritual"
Even when practice is difficult (like during injury), practicing still feels good, maybe because it just plain FEELS, and we are such feeling creatures. There’s a physical sensuality in yoga practice that’s organic and deeply fulfilling and through regular practice we develop a more intimate relationship with our bodies and our selves.
Voluntary slippage into the deeper, hidden dimensions and layers of our physical beingness.
It makes me think I should look at my motivation more closely. Yes, yoga feels good. It feels good to do, and the body feels great after.
But for me, feeling physically well and balanced should be a by-product of yoga practice, not the aim. I reckon 95% of westerners start yoga so they can feel physically better and continue with yoga because it delivers that. But for the practice to really evolve over time, the motivation for practice must gradually rise beyond the physical benefits. And as it rises, gradually we come to understand that yoga is an extraordinary path inwards towards the ultimate discovery of what we really are. I once heard this discovery described as the cosmic punchline. Like...Oh after all these years of being asleep, the light goes on and you wake up and the whole beautiful cosmic joke finally makes perfect sense.
Start of practice, standing at the end of the mat, hands in prayer, calm, clear, grateful and open…
I think Chris put it perfectly in his Sept 6 2005 entry, describing his practice as a prayer.
That just about says it all.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Tuesday 6th September 2005
Injury
No such thing as steady progress up the asana ladder for me. I just seem to be going backwards on all fronts.
Another injury to my lumbar last Wednesday has set me back yet AGAIN.
This has happened way too often to be ignored now.
An episode of lumbar pain, radiating from lumbar to hip, flared up about 3 weeks ago due to a strong backbending session. It was on my LEFT side then and it took nearly 2 weeks to ease off. Then one week ago, same injury, same pain but this time on the RIGHT side flared up due to…well…a lovely night with my ex-partner (yes, we’re working out our differences). Picture Upavista Konasana A upside down with the back on the floor (or bed to be more precise). Next morning…agonising pain radiating from the mid lumbar out to the right hip and down through the inner right groin.
One of the advantages of blogging is I can keep track of injuries and their causes. I know that if I hadn’t recorded the last incident 3 weeks ago I wouldn’t have known that it was on the opposite side of my lumbar to this latest incident. Going back through my weblog even further, I was able to locate the time before that when it happened - 3 months ago - early June: same injury, same pain, caused by strong adjustments in Supta Kurmasana (extreme rounding forward of lumbar spine) and the pain was then on the right side.
So, forward bending brings about pain to the right side of the lumbar, backbending to the left side.
And each time this happens, I’m totally incapacitated. I can’t round my lumbar spine at all, can’t reach my feet to put my socks on in the morning, can't twist from that area, my body grips tight when I have to stand up from sitting in a chair, and my entire body freezes in shock and pain with any movement of the pelvis.
A few nights ago I consulted Tortora’s Anatomy text book and adding all this up, I’ve worked out that what I’m feeling is severe nerve pain emanating from the second lumbar vertebrae (L2). Two main nerve roots come from here, one travelling diagonally forward and outwards to end near the iliac crest. The other major nerve travels down in front of the hip joint to end up in branches below the inner groin.
So there’s something going on around L2 that’s aggravating these two main nerves. But self diagnosis can only go so far…now I need to get an x-ray.
Practice
has been minimal over the past week for obvious reasons.
This morning I moved REALLY slowly through the full double set of Surja Namaskars then did most of the standing poses. Forward bends are off the practice menu again. Instead, I dusted off the purple block, placed it under my sacrum and did a supported Setu Bandha Sarvangasana – the relief was immediate. After a couple of minutes I tried extending my legs but this put too much strain on my lumbar, so I resigned myself to a long, passive rest on the block with bent knees.
Yoga for now is a practice to stimulate healing. Sensitivity and receptivity in the poses is of highest priority.
My 5 minute stay on the block was so comforting and healing and I couldn't help but feel immense gratitude, respect and love for this thing called yoga that is both my companion on the journey and the journey itself.
I actually managed to do 3 Urdhva Dhanurasanas, but they revealed how closed up my body has become in response to the pain. All the muscle tissues are in a tight, frozen, protective state again, so working into each backbend took great care and compassion. It felt good to open up, even if it was just a little.
Finished off with a few inversions and then sat in Padmasana for a while, trying to clear all the pain stories out of my head (poor me, why me, how can I teach like this, what happened to my lithe young body, will I ever have it back again, is pain and injury really necessary to learn humility etc. etc.)
After 10 minutes or so, all that ego centred dialogue started to fall away. I tuned my consciousness up to a higher frequency, aimed for the feeling of divine connection, light, freedom, and felt myself rise above it all to an exalted state of profound peace. It was fleeting, but I took comfort in knowing that I can get there when I put my mind to it.
Next time I’ll stay a while.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Injury
No such thing as steady progress up the asana ladder for me. I just seem to be going backwards on all fronts.
Another injury to my lumbar last Wednesday has set me back yet AGAIN.
This has happened way too often to be ignored now.
An episode of lumbar pain, radiating from lumbar to hip, flared up about 3 weeks ago due to a strong backbending session. It was on my LEFT side then and it took nearly 2 weeks to ease off. Then one week ago, same injury, same pain but this time on the RIGHT side flared up due to…well…a lovely night with my ex-partner (yes, we’re working out our differences). Picture Upavista Konasana A upside down with the back on the floor (or bed to be more precise). Next morning…agonising pain radiating from the mid lumbar out to the right hip and down through the inner right groin.
One of the advantages of blogging is I can keep track of injuries and their causes. I know that if I hadn’t recorded the last incident 3 weeks ago I wouldn’t have known that it was on the opposite side of my lumbar to this latest incident. Going back through my weblog even further, I was able to locate the time before that when it happened - 3 months ago - early June: same injury, same pain, caused by strong adjustments in Supta Kurmasana (extreme rounding forward of lumbar spine) and the pain was then on the right side.
So, forward bending brings about pain to the right side of the lumbar, backbending to the left side.
And each time this happens, I’m totally incapacitated. I can’t round my lumbar spine at all, can’t reach my feet to put my socks on in the morning, can't twist from that area, my body grips tight when I have to stand up from sitting in a chair, and my entire body freezes in shock and pain with any movement of the pelvis.
A few nights ago I consulted Tortora’s Anatomy text book and adding all this up, I’ve worked out that what I’m feeling is severe nerve pain emanating from the second lumbar vertebrae (L2). Two main nerve roots come from here, one travelling diagonally forward and outwards to end near the iliac crest. The other major nerve travels down in front of the hip joint to end up in branches below the inner groin.
So there’s something going on around L2 that’s aggravating these two main nerves. But self diagnosis can only go so far…now I need to get an x-ray.
Practice
has been minimal over the past week for obvious reasons.
This morning I moved REALLY slowly through the full double set of Surja Namaskars then did most of the standing poses. Forward bends are off the practice menu again. Instead, I dusted off the purple block, placed it under my sacrum and did a supported Setu Bandha Sarvangasana – the relief was immediate. After a couple of minutes I tried extending my legs but this put too much strain on my lumbar, so I resigned myself to a long, passive rest on the block with bent knees.
Yoga for now is a practice to stimulate healing. Sensitivity and receptivity in the poses is of highest priority.
My 5 minute stay on the block was so comforting and healing and I couldn't help but feel immense gratitude, respect and love for this thing called yoga that is both my companion on the journey and the journey itself.
I actually managed to do 3 Urdhva Dhanurasanas, but they revealed how closed up my body has become in response to the pain. All the muscle tissues are in a tight, frozen, protective state again, so working into each backbend took great care and compassion. It felt good to open up, even if it was just a little.
Finished off with a few inversions and then sat in Padmasana for a while, trying to clear all the pain stories out of my head (poor me, why me, how can I teach like this, what happened to my lithe young body, will I ever have it back again, is pain and injury really necessary to learn humility etc. etc.)
After 10 minutes or so, all that ego centred dialogue started to fall away. I tuned my consciousness up to a higher frequency, aimed for the feeling of divine connection, light, freedom, and felt myself rise above it all to an exalted state of profound peace. It was fleeting, but I took comfort in knowing that I can get there when I put my mind to it.
Next time I’ll stay a while.
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